


I've Got You Now

by New_Blue_Stuff



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Youtube RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Blood, Eventual Happiness, F/M, Familial Soulmates, Fighting, First Meetings, Gun Violence, Gunshot Wounds, Healing, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Lost and Found, M/M, Minor Original Death, Only Speaking Characters Tagged, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Past Character Death, Past Suicide Attempt, Platonic Soulmates, Romantic Soulmates, Slow Build, Swearing, Weapons, van sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-19
Updated: 2015-06-19
Packaged: 2018-04-05 03:45:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 50,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4164489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/New_Blue_Stuff/pseuds/New_Blue_Stuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The virus struck in waves. The first just killed people, the second killed them and made them into murderous shells. Society is dead. Most of the earth's population is dead. </p><p>Chris started off travelling with his platonic soulmate Phil, now he's trying to find him again. </p><p>Pj is trying to find some way of stopping running.</p><p>They certainly didn't think that meeting one person would change them both forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chris can hear bird song and feel the wind on his face. The sun is out and the world is warm, some stale chewing gum leaves a pleasant mint taste in his mouth.

Gentle blue skies contrast drastically with the red that plasters the road.

He isn't going to close the window to shut out the death that he's become accustomed too. The stench of it clings to his nostrils but the smell is almost constant. Near the cities anyway.  Chris drives past an overturned lorry; the contents spilled,  rotting on the pathway. Years ago, the smell would have made him gag. It's something else the apocalypse made him into.

He's singing along to one of his albums. He steals them from the cars that he siphons petrol off. It's not like the owners need them anymore anyway.

He's in the country side, not exactly sure where he is but he's getting closer to his destination. It's not exactly like he can pull a phone out his pocket to check anymore, or even ask for directions. There's nobody to ask. He has to rely on maps, and Chris has always sucked at reading maps.

It's unusual for the dead to be walking out here. There's less of them, the locals weren't over run in the beginning, more got killed, for good. However, Chris can hear the low murmurs and moans that accompany a group of them. He guesses that these dead came on the main road, like him. Probably trying to escape, like him. He's trying to ignore the sound.

Chris needs to stay alive and move quickly. He made a promise.

He doesn't know what to do when he hears a low pitched scream. Anguish filling it, anger present. It sounds desperate. Defiant.

Walkers don't scream.

'What the fuck?' Chris whispers. He stops the van, slamming the breaks, and grabs his machete.  He reassures himself that he has his gun, checking the mirror before he jumps out of the car.

Another bout of noise. More groaning from the undead. Chris locks the van.

All logic tells him to run, get back in the van and go. Save himself. He knows he needs to check. He'd hate himself if he didn't.

He needs to know that the voice doesn't belong to his soulmate. The one person with the identical mark in the identical place.  A feather, intertwined with colours on his wrist. The one he's known since he was a child.

The one he lost. The one he aches for. The one he lives for.

Philip Lester.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris walks slowly towards the source of the noise. Constantly checking around him. His hair stands on end. He has goose bumps. All his instincts pick up, allowing him to become more aware of his surroundings. Ready to fight.

He gets closer and closer to the noises. Another angry scream.

Followed by crying.

There's a small building ahead of him. Just to the side of the road. It's barely three car lengths away. He can't see any of the undead, but Chris can see the back of the speaker. He is standing on the roof. Moving around, fighting to stay alive.

The man isn't Phil.

He considers turning around, going back to the van and leaving, continuing his search.

But the screamer turns around, He doesn't see Chris, it's only for a panicked second that he looks away from the things below him.

It's enough for Chris to see his grimy face, wild eyes, cut on his forehead bleeding down the side of him. Blood running onto his dirty clothes. Tight jeans, tight shirt. Tears running with the blood. Heavenly.

The man on the roof turns back around.  He kicks something that Chris can't see, resulting in a satisfying crunch noise. The man then grabs something off the roof next to him, a gun, and hits something with it.

He doesn't know what possesses him. Chris sees a stationary car a few steps away and runs to it. He smashes the window with his blade. He places his machete on the metallic roof of the vehicle.

He honks the horn five times, looking towards the building. Hearing the noises of the confused walkers.

The dead come for him. Chris counts nine of them. He smirks, pulling his gun out of his holster, which resides on his hip.

He shoots three in the forehead, forcing them onto the ground for the last time. He misses a fourth and fifth. They are almost within touching distance. Chris takes steps backwards. He puts his gun back in its holster. He picks up his machete from the car top.

He runs around the side of the car, using the metallic structure as a shield. He spins, putting his full force into his arm, into the blade.

He cuts the head off of the undead female. She was coming around the front of the abandoned vehicle.

Her torso lands near the rest of her. The eyes which used to contain life, are blue and stare into him. He has to remind himself, that there isn't a cure for this. They never did find one and even if they had, it would have been too late. Too much of the world is gone.

She would have wanted it. Chris knows that if he turned, he'd want someone to end it for him.

It doesn't stop him from feeling sick when he sees the orange sun on her collarbone. Knowing that there's a matching mark somewhere else in this fucking awful earth.

'I'm sorry' Chris whispers, the thought escaping. He turns his attention back to the other walkers.

Chris doesn't know why he calls them walkers or the undead. Phil always hated the world 'zombie'. Phil hated accepting it. That all those predictions, all those crappy movies, became a fierce reality. So Chris never said it, but Phil isn't here, not anymore.

He can call them zombies.

He turns his attention back to the other zombies. There's five, all of them coming around the sides of the car. He takes steps back, glad for the their slow pace. Tucking his blade back under his belt. Pulling his gun back out of it's holster.

One large zombie snarls at him, reaching forward to grab Chris. The zombies mouth opens. Chris can smell the rot and see the decay. Chris grimaces. He puts the gun directly to the zombies head and pulls the trigger.

The black dead blood spatters onto him. Getting into his mouth.

He spits it back out. Taking more steps back.

Only four left. He takes one out from here. The gun shot making the only noise, the body is near silent as it hits the ground. Chris's ears ring.  Another one is gaining on him. He reloads and before he even thinks, two more have hit the ground.

Then there's one.

It's a child.

Chris takes a large breath.

Or rather, Chris thinks, It used to be. A little girl. It snarls at him through blonde matted hair. White dress splattered with mud, drenched with red. A pink butterfly grip is still in the zombie's hair.

It's the presence of a black illustrated tree on her cheek that makes him hesitate the most. She never even got a chance to find her soulmate. She never even got to live. Her eyes look into his, yet she's dead. Chris can't help but feel numb.

In a perfect world, she'd be playing with her friends. Growing up. Learning who she is. Eventually, she'd find the person with the matching mark. The lack of mixing colours means one thing. The mark is a romantic one. She may have platonic marks on her body as well. Maybe even familial ones. Other people that never got the chance to love her.

But this is not a perfect world.

He pulls the trigger.

She hits the ground with a light thud.

He exhales.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

He watches the man stop his wrath for a second. The smallest zombie standing in front of him. The man contemplates, face void of emotion, and then puts it down.

Leaving Pj even more confused than he was before.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris forces himself to look away from the body. Looking up to the man on the roof. The sun is behind him.

'I could offer you a hand. I've got spare ones down here.' Chris shouts up, pointing to the largest zombie with his thumb.

'I think I'm okay thanks.' The man on the roof replies. Chris shrugs.

'Fair enough.' Chris turns around to walk back to the van.

'No!' Chris turns back around to face the man. 'I didn't mean go. I just don’t want a zombie hand...' Chris shrugs again. The man looks at him, like a deer caught in the headlights.

'Well?' Chris asks. 

The man bites his lip, looking down at him.

'I'm stuck.' He stutters out. Chris laughs. 'It's not funny!' The man on the roof blushes. Chris laughs even harder, cutting his laughter off halfway through. He hasn't laughed in months.

'How did you get up there in the first place?' Chris walks towards the building. He puts his gun back into his holster, reloading it before he does so, safety on. Just in case this guy pulls something.

'Adrenaline.' Chris snorts. 'I was being chased and my gun was empty. Okay?' Chris nods.

'Happens to the best of us-'

'-Well not really.'

'How so?' Chris walks around the building. The man on the roof walks with him.

'If it did, we'd all be dead.'

Chris finds himself laughing again.

'True.' Chris responds. 'I like to be prepared.'

'That's why you're the one that just saved me.'

'You have a point.' Chris reaches the door, he pulls it. It's locked. He puzzles over it.

'Why did you do that by the way?'

Chris looks up. The man on the roof, looks down. He's barely two meters away, Chris can see his features better from here. He's stopped bleeding. His mouth seems like one that should carry an easy smile. The type with a toothy grin. His face is fairly pointed. He's oddly handsome.

'Save you?'

'Yeah.'

Chris looks back down at the rusted door. He swallows. He doesn't know how to answer. It's not like he can tell the truth.

'I felt like it.' The man on the roof laughs, it's musical.

'I'm not complaining.'

Chris looks back up at him. 'I think I can get you down.'

'How?'

'I can open this door, then you can use it as a step.'

The man runs his hands through his hair. 'That's still high.'

'I'll catch you.' Chris responds, the man rubs his entire face with the palm of his hand.

'Are you sure?' The man asks.

'I'm stronger than I look.' Chris smiles up at him, attempting to relax him.  He lets out a nervous laugh.

'I just saw you decapitate something. I'm not doubting your physique.'

'Good because you shouldn't, it's a damn fine one.' The man chuckles. He looks down at Chris again.

'I'm really scared of heights.'

Chris looks at him with an eyebrow raised.

'Then why-'

'Because I'm more scared of zombies.' The man looks over his shoulder, seemingly searching for an alternate path. The man sighs. 'I'll do it.'

Chris nods. 'Good. You need to pass me your gun.' The man's eyes widen.

'Why?'

'I only just met you. How do I know that you aren't going to shoot me in the face and steal my stuff? You might even take advantage of me-'

'I'm not going to take advantage of you.'

'-How do I know?'

The man sighs, he throws his gun down. It's no use to him without bullets anyway. Chris picks it up and checks for ammo. There is none.

'So are you going to open the door?' The man asks. Arms crossed over his chest.

'Well I would but there's one small problem...' The man's eyes dart around him. Chris can see him begin to panic. 'It's locked. But don't worry, I've got it.' The man frowns at him.

'How are you going to-'

'Cover your ears.' The man makes a noise of apprehension and puts his palms against either side of his head.

Chris pulls his gun out of his holster and fires a bullet through the lock. The lock explodes. His ears ring like they always do.

Chris looks up and the man uncovers his ears. Chris pulls on the door handle and the door opens. There's nothing inside the building.

'So I just get down onto that?' The man asks. Chris smiles at him.

'Then you jump into my arms. Like a pair of newlyweds.' The man laughs.

'I don't think I even remember going to a wedding.'

'I do and they weren't that great. It was a lot of standing around and pretending to be happy for people. There was normally free alcohol though. Seeing as all the alcohol is free now, there's not even that perk. Now, quit stalling and get on with it. I don't want to be here when it's dark.'

The man grimaces down at the door, he taps his hand against his leg three times, in a strange rhythm.

'Oh fuck.' He says. 'Fuck this. Fuck heights. Fuck zombies. Fuck doors. Fuck the apocalypse. Fuck soulmates.' Chris jumps at the word. 'Fuck life. Fuck the virus. Fuck the world.  Fuck me-'

'Well I might do the last one. But I'm not getting up on the roof to do it.' The man glares at him and Chris smiles back.

'Really?' Chris shrugs.

'It's been two months since I've seen someone else alive. Sue me.'

Pj nods, taking that explanation. 'It's only been a month for me.'

'Plus you're not exactly unattractive.' Pj sits on the edge of the roof, beginning to lower himself until he's in contact with the door.

'I'm going to take that as a compliment.'

'It was one.' Chris smiles at the man who's clearly terrified. He admires his bravery. 'You're nearly there.' The man makes a noise of complaint. 'You can do it.' The man makes another noise of complaint. Chris does his best impression.  _'Don't make me come up there young man.'_  The man laughs as he places both his feet on the door, using his arm to stabilize himself. He holds onto the roof.

'What was that?'

'Well it was supposed to be my mum. Though my mum wouldn't have said that.'

'What would your mum have said?' The man trying to distract himself. The topic of family is a hard one in the apocalypse yet Chris doesn't find it hurts too much.

 _'You need to get a job Christopher. You can't just keep spending time with Philip, Christopher. That's the third time I've caught you masturbating to My Little Pony in a month Christopher. This needs to stop Christopher.'_ The man starts to laugh. Almost losing his grip. He lowers himself on the door. Chris laughs with him. 'Okay, maybe not that last one.'

'Your name is Christopher?' The man asks, looking at him. From this distance, Chris can see his green eyes. Chris puts a hand on his heart.

'No, it's Steve.' Chris snarks. The man raises an eyebrow at him. 'It's Chris.'

'I think I need to jump into your arms now Chris.'

'If only an attractive male would say that to me everyday.' Chris sighs dramatically. The man laughs at him again.

'Don't objectify me.'

'Don't tell me what to do.' Chris sasses.

 _'I'll tell you what to do Christopher. I'm your elder and your better. My Little Pony is for children._ ' Chris dissolves into hilarity.

'Was that your impression of my mum?' Chris continues to laugh. The man smiling back at him, almost having forgotten where he is. Chris gets a small amount of pink blush in his cheeks. The man notices but doesn't say anything.

'It might have been.' The man admits.

Chris takes a step closer to the door, he holds up his arms and the man falls into them. Chris pulls him into his body just before he hits the ground.

'Thank you.' The man quickly readjusts to being back on the ground, and to still being alive.

'What's your name?' Chris asks, having to look slightly down at the man.

'I'm Pj.' Pj holds out his hand and they shake them.

There's an awkward silence.

'Which way you heading Pj?' Chris asks, smiling slightly.

'I'm not heading anywhere.' Pj chokes out, admiring the ground.

Chris does exactly what he shouldn’t do.

'Do you want to do something reckless?' Pj looks back up into Chris's eyes. They glimmer with mischief. Pj has a feeling they constantly do.

'What?' Pj asks.

'Do you want to come with me?' Chris checks at the cut on Pj's face. 'We could clean this up.' Chris gestures toward it lightly.

Pj struggles to find reasons to say no.

'Are you going to take advantage of me?' Chris shakes his head.

'Unless you're consenting.' Chris responds with a smirk.

'Do you have food?'

'Enough to last me the next three days. Should last the two of us through until tomorrow.'

'Would I be a pain?'

Chris smiles at him. 'I could use the company. I hate being alone.'

'Same actually.' Pj responds.

'Come with me then. You can go whenever you want. You can even have your gun back.'

'I really shouldn’t.'

‘I know. Are you going to let that stop you?’

Chris winks at him.

Chris begins to walk back to his van.

Pj follows.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris keeps his machete out whilst he checks around the van.

'I think it's clear. There's medical shit in the back.' Chris throws his keys to Pj who he instructed to stay near the van. Pj opens the back doors. The space closest to him is empty, the space near the seats having been occupied by boxes, all stabilized by ropes, keeping them stationary. Chris walks up behind him, taking a small jump and walking into the van. He walks to the boxes. He throws his machete onto the drivers seat and detaches the top box from the pile to the furthest left. He kneels on the ground to open it.

'Nice system you've got.' Pj says, still standing on the ground.  Chris smiles at him.

'It works, come here.' Pj steps into the van. 'Close the doors though, keep the unwanted guests out.' Pj nods and shuts both of the doors.

'And keep me in?' Chris laughs.

'I like how you said that  _after_  you closed the doors.'

'Maybe I don't have too much of a problem with it.'

Chris raises an eyebrow at him, smirking.

'I think you've lost a lot of blood.' Chris opens the box, ripping some packets open.

'I would also be dead right now if it wasn't for you.' Pj moves over to him, sitting cross legged.

'I like to think you'd still be on that roof. Trying your damn best.' Pj flinches at the memory but laughs. 'This might sting.'

'Okay.' Pj tenses his face subconsciously.

Chris begins to wipe. The chemicals in the wipes causing Pj slight pain. 'Why don't you like heights?'

'Huh?' Pj asks, distracted by the pain and his company.

'I mean, everyone knows why everyone hates zombies. It's easy to know that. But why not heights?' Pj frowns.

'I just never did. Makes me feel powerless. Like my body doesn't belong to me anymore.'

'Jelly knees?' Chris throws one wipe into the waste bag beside him. picking a new one up. Pj's lucky that it isn't deep enough to need stitches.  Chris is always terrible at those.

'Yeah. Isn't it supposed to be that you're born afraid of them anyway and that you forget it?'

Chris bites his lip. 'I think so. Scared of anything else? Also I'm going to have to wipe your whole face. Otherwise this-' Chris points to the bandages in the box.'-will be fucking pointless.' Pj nods. Beginning to contemplate his answer to Chris's question. He closes his eyes and Chris wipes over his whole face. Pj is surprised at his gentle touch. 'Done now.' Chris quietly says, focusing back on the cut.

Pj finds himself watching the man who's deep in concentration. Realizing he's been silent far too long, he answers.

'I was scared of monsters when I was little.' Chris shoots him a sideways smile.

'Not anymore?'

'No, my Dad actually sat me down and told me that the monsters are real-'

'-What?-'

'- He told me that everyone has a little bit of a monster in them. So the monsters all have human in them.' Pj laughs. He slight movement making Chris's job harder, but Chris doesn't scold him. Pj shrugs. 'It made me feel better. I used to leave them gifts. They basically became my imaginary friends.' Chris smiles at the image of a younger Pj. A free Pj, not constricted by the blood covered rules of this world, the ones he's breaking by allowing Pj's mere presence.

'I thought all monsters were bad. Clearly, I was mistaken.'

Pj's face darkens.

'I wonder how Dad would feel knowing that the bad monsters are real.'

Pj's eyes wonder off, become unfocused. Memories being replayed there. Chris moves his other hand to the other side of Pj's face. He pulls lightly on his jaw. Commanding his attention.

'He'd probably be proud of you for not becoming one.' Pj looks in Chris's eyes. Both of them still for a second. Chris's eyes quickly flick down to Pj's lips. An odd shade of pink, he notes. He looks back to the cut. Forcing himself to take care of that. He pretends to cough, killing the moment.

Chris needs to keep his goal in his head. He needs to remember the past. He needs to plan ahead, stay sharp. He needs to keep distant. Stay alive.

 _This will get you killed._  He says to himself, looking at back at Pj’s face.

Pj is looking at him. Confused. Less bloody, equally handsome. Their eyes lock for another second.

_Why don’t you care?_

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The bandage on the side of Pj's face is white and sterile. It reminds Chris of the beginning of this damn mess. Seeing all the hospitals on TV. The overrun, manic ones.

Chris hadn't been paying much attention at the time. Thinking that this virus would pass like all the others had. But it hadn't. It adapted. It never stopped.

He's glad he was having fun at the time. There hasn't been as much opportunity to lately. He misses happiness.  Feeling weightless. All Chris feels is heavy.

Looking at Pj, he feels a little lighter.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj hasn't laughed this much in months. It's been steal and run. Constantly. Pj can't ignore the ache in his stomach any longer.

'Have you got anything I can eat?'

Chris facepalms, keeping one hand on the wheel of the van. He can feel the machete by his feet. Pj hasn't worked up the courage to ask where Chris is heading. 

'Oh fuck. Sorry. There's stuff in the glove box.'

Pj opens the compartment with force. Finding a can. He pulls of the lid, almost crying when he realizes it's tinned fruit. He chugs the juice, leaving only the fruit at the bottom. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. He looks over to Chris. Chris is smirking at him.

'What?' Pj questions.

'You drank that like it was brains Pj. Got any undead issues to tell me about?' Chris would joke further about bite marks, ask if he's turning. He’d checked Pj over before letting him into the passenger seat. Pj raises an eyebrow at him whilst eating the fruit with his fingers, savoring it. 'Seriously, you should have said you were hungry. When did you eat last?'

Pj looks up to the left. 'I think last Wednesday.' Chris takes a double look at him.

'You know what the day of the week is?' Chris is shocked. He'd lost that near the beginning.

Pj smiles at him sheepishly. 'I think it's a Saturday.' Chris breathes out, smiling. That information making his soul lighter, making him feel normal, more human. Then he does the maths.

'Doesn't that make the last time you ate four days ago?' Pj nods at him, allowing himself some more food. Chris sighs. 'Eat the rest of what's in there. There’s water too, you could probably use a drink.' He points to the glove compartment. 'There's extra food in the back of the van, we'll get some more in a few days.'

Pj looks at him with his mouth open.

'I don't need-'

'Yeah you do. My bullshit detector is flashing red.'

'But-'

'Bullshit alert. Bullshit alert. Detecting high levels of bullshit from the passenger seat.'

Chris remembers when driving used to require concentration. Now he can just drive and just occasionally hit things without being arrested. Apocalypse perks.

'Chris, why are you being so nice to me?'

Chris looks at him. The answer obvious to him.

'Why the fuck shouldn't I be?

'Because the world ended. And everything we were promised and loved was taken away. Because some scientists didn't know when to stop and now the dead are walking.'

Chris does something Pj doesn't expect.

He laughs and shrugs.

'Well when you put it like that.' Pj can't help but smile at him.

'No one else has ever been this nice to me.' Pj says. Chris looks at him.

'You mean after the apocalypse?'

Pj sadly smiles at him.

'I mean after. Before doesn't count, not anymore.' Chris responds with the same sad smile. He's continuously glancing at Pj. Not needing to keep much of an eye on the empty road.

'I don't see a reason not to be nice.' Chris finally responds, keeping his gaze on the road whilst he does so.

Pj analyzes his face. Squinting his eyes slightly.

'Bullshit alert.' He finally whispers. Chris looks at him and swallows slightly.

'You want to know the truth?'

'I don't know. But I'd rather you told me.'

'When I first heard you screaming, I was going to ignore you. But then you screamed again, and I had to check. I thought for a second you might be him. Then when you weren't him, I couldn't not save you. He'd have wanted me to save you. So I'm doing what he would want me to do. Be kind.' He smiles again at Pj, but this smile doesn't reach his eyes. 'Plus, you're easy to be kind to. You have that zazzle.'

Pj is half tempted to go along with the joke. Ask about his _'zazzle'_ but he knows he can't.

'Who was he?' Pj asks. The pain of his words reflecting on Chris's face.

'My soulmate.' Chris grimaces. 'Platonic. I lost him-'

'-And now you're trying to find him.' Chris nods.

'We made a promise at the beginning of all this. I'm fulfilling it. Did you ever find any of your soulmates?'

Pj thinks about the all black illustration on his leg. The one that haunts him.

'Still looking.' Chris makes a noise of apprehension.

'We were too. At the beginning, trying to find our romantic ones.' Chris laughs bitterly. 'I hope to god he found them.'

'I hope you find him.' The words slip out of Pj's mouth. Visible shock registering on Chris's face. Eventually, that shock turns to laughter.

'Yeah me too.' Looking back to the road.

It's silent for a few seconds. Pj thinks back through his day. They'll have to stop driving soon. It's getting dark. Chris has already told him that he normally finds somewhere safe and sleeps in the van. Chris lives a more stable life than Pj is used too. He missed stability.

'Chris?'

'Yeah?'

'Don't leave me alone again.'

Chris smiles at him

'I won’t.' The grin that Pj thinks must have been an easy one once. Doesn't leave his mouth. 'Hey Pj?'

'Call me Peej.'

'Eat your fucking food.' Both of them laugh.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They've been driving for over an hour. It's starting to get dark. Chris has begun searching for somewhere to park up the van for the night. Pj looks like he could use some decent rest. He’s been nodding off in between spouts of conversation.

Chris likes him and he doesn’t know how to feel about that. It’s been years since he’s met someone new that he’s liked, years since he’s met someone new that hasn’t tried to kill him to be fair.

He pulls off the main stretch of road. Having learned that people sometimes travel through it during the night time. Chris finds a small gathering of homes, obviously empty. Talking through what he plans to do, Chris finds a house with a garage. Pulling up beside it, he leaves the engine running with Pj behind the wheel. Half of Chris thinks the amount he trusts Pj is stupid, the other half doesn't care still.

Chris checks all of the rooms of the house and finally the garage. There's nothing threatening. He even finds some cans of food. Enough to last them a day.

Chris is about to walk back to the van when he walks past an old tap.

It drips and he nearly shoots it. Turning the top of it, water begins to flow. Chris begins to childishly giggle. Running back to van to get Pj.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Peej, there's running water.'

Pj is nearly asleep in the front seat. Smiling at him regardless.

'What?'

'And a working bath. We can have a bath.' Pj's eyes widen, his mouth falling slightly open. 'Granted it'll be cold but you can't have everything.'

Pj looks once up and down Chris's body, sizing him up a bit. His tired state granted him no will power to fight the words.

'You can have some things.'

Chris smirks at him, grinning back.

'You really need some sleep don't you?'

Pj looks at him. Blinking before he answers. He hums with the 'M'.

'Maybe.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris insists that Pj has a bath first whilst he packs up the cans he found.

Pj nearly falls into the bathtub when he leans over to turn the taps.

He unties his shoes laces and pulls his shoes off his feet. He pulls his shirt off. Ignoring the sensation of peeling that comes from the dried blood. He turns on the sink tap, filling it and leaving the shirt to soak. He does the same for his jeans, the ones that are easy to run in, and his socks and underwear.

He giggles slightly as he enters the body of water. It's shallow. Pj wouldn't want to risk drinking it but it cleans him. He feels more alive. There's a dried out bar of soap on the sink side. He leans over and grabs it. He uses it to cleanse his body, get the grime out of his pores.

He has to ignore the drawing of three delicate flowers on his inner thigh. They’re forget-me-nots, some part of Pj finds that deeply ironically hilarious.

If he wouldn't risk hypothermia, he'd stay in the water forever. But eventually, he steps out. Months worth of survival flowing down the drain. He removes his clothes from the sink, laying them out to drip dry for a minute. He submerges his shoes in the water for a few seconds. He runs his hands over the surface off them, getting some of the dirt off.

Chris knocks the door.

'Peej? I've got some clothes you can wear here if you want.' Chris shouts through the door. Pj searches the room, finding a closet in one corner. It contains several towels, which are starting to decompose. He wraps one around his waist. He opens the door.

Chris's eyes dilate as he takes in the view. Clothes in his arms.

He doesn't say anything. Slowly nodding to himself.

'Chris? My eyes are up here.' Chris looks back up at Pj's face. Smiling at him.

'And what nice ones they are too.' Both of them laughing, both of them slightly shocked by it. It begins to die down. 'These should fit you.' He forces the clothes bundle into Pj's grip, nearly making him drop the towel.

'Where did you get them?'

Chris shrugs. 'You're going to have to wear your old shoes and stuff. It's just one of my shirts and some other stuff.'

'Stuff?' Pj deadpans. Chris shrugs again.

'It's some of my soulmates old clothes. He doesn't need them as much as you do.' Pj nods slightly.

'Thank you.'

'Don't mention it.'

'No. I mean it, thank you.'

The two men look at each other. Hazel eyes into green ones, vice versa.

'You're welcome.' Chris begins to walk away slowly. 'I'll be in the van. Okay?'

'Okay.'

'Don't get side tracked. Side tracked gets you killed.'

'I know. I've lived through this just as long as you have.' Chris flinches slightly.

'Sorry. I get protective.' Chris explains.

'It's okay. Kind of flattering actually.' Chris rolls his eyes at him, smiling.

'Get some clothes on.' Chris commands. He starts to walk around the corner.

'If you carry on using this authoritative tone, I'm going to get aroused!' Pj shouts. Chris snorts.

'Like that's going to get me to stop!'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris winks at him when he walks out of the bathroom in his new clothes. He’d ended up waiting outside. He’s freshly shaven and the clothes feel fresh against his skin. He feels like a million dollars.

Of course a million dollars means nothing these days.

Pj guesses that you could burn it. The warmth would make you feel good.

He's over thinking this.

Pj decides to head back to the van. He walks down the hallway, turning to go down the stairs and back to the garage.

He looks up at some of the framed photos on the wall. All of them are yellow with decay. In the one that Pj can see clearest, a young couple is shown; both of them exposing their arms, where their matching marks are shown, pond lilies. Pj feels the urge to destroy it.

He hears a creak. His senses pick up. He leans back to see if he can analyse the source of the noise. His body enters flight mode, readying himself to run again. Just like he has been since the day the pandemic was first announced.

The noise repeats itself. Pj pushes himself back against the wall. Walking along it with his back pressed to brick. He moves in such a way as to be silent.

The noise again, but this time. Pj sees the cause.

An old wooden door being pushed by the wind.

He sighs, he moves on his tip toes so he's ready to run.

When he enters the window, he finds a open window causing the draft. He shuts it. Checking the outside area for signs of life.

There are none. He remembers a time that it was bizarre to be more than a few miles away from another living soul. Now he lives in a time that it's obscene to be in the same house as one. At least, one you didn't know pre-apocalypse. 

Pj aches for the time he wasted worrying about the things that are now irrelevant or gone. He wishes he'd taken more opportunities. He grieves for the friends he lost in the early days of the disease, before the dead starting rising and it was just a plague.

He turns to leave the room. To escape his thoughts.

Just before he goes, he spots the contents of a closet. The doors thrown wide open so that anyone could see inside. Inside is a collection of decaying toys and one singular picture.

It's of a baby with large blue eyes and a small butter cup on their hand.

There's a note propped up by a rabbit missing its eyes.

_'We're sorry. We're so sorry. We love you.'_

Pj feels sick once more. He runs out of the room. Running down the hallway and down the stairs. Moving quickly and quietly in the way he's had to in the last years.

He stops running when he reaches the bottom step. Pulling himself back into a quick walk. He walks through a red room, one that was nice before the colour red got poisoned, he spots it.

There's an acoustic guitar in the corner.

It's in his arms before he even realizes. He pulling at the strings, all of them surprisingly stable for an instrument that has been left for so long.

Pj walks determinedly to the garage, carrying it delicately with both hands.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris watches all the dirt spiral down the drain and he feels new again.

He dries himself, shaves and puts on his clean clothes. Ignoring the soul marks on his wrist and thigh.

Feathers and flowers.

Forget-me-nots.

He cleaned his old clothes whilst he bathed. Finally ready to step back out into the dead world, he leaves the bathroom.

He quickly walks through he house. Down the stairs. He runs the final part of his journey. Fear of the approaching dark rooms overriding all common sense. He reaches the garage. He's about to step into the room when he hears it.

Guitar strings, Pj's quiet humming voice. He can't distinguish words but it's low and smooth. It's one of the best things he's heard in years. Definitely beating the screaming. Chris walks around the back of the van. Inside he sees Pj sitting down with a guitar in his lap. The dirt having been wiped off his face has made him look younger and fresher. Pj having replaced his own bandage. It’s not that hard to do, you just need someone to sterilize it like Chris did in the first place. He looks different in the solar lamps and candles light.

Pj stops singing but carries on playing. Gesturing to the instrument.

'I found it.'

Chris laughs slightly.

'No shit Sherlock.' Pj carries on playing and Chris basks in the warm feeling of it. 'I need to put a barricade up.' Pj attempts to stop playing. 'No. You carry on. It's nice.' Pj squints at him. 'It's been a while since I've heard music played.'

Chris walks back to the door that bridges the garage to the house. He pulls it shut and begins placing objects from the garage in front of it. Pj begins to play a new melody.

'Did you ever learn how to play an instrument?' Pj calls out from inside the van. Chris pulls a box to the door. He attempts to open the door and it won't budge.

'No, but I used to sing a bit. It came with the acting.' Chris responds. He sees a barrel. He runs and picks it up. It's fairly heavy. He heaves it up and over to the door. Satisfied now that this door will not be opened without his knowledge. It helps that Chris is a light sleeper.

'You were an actor?' Pj asks, disbelief in his voice. Chris laughs. He checks the large garage door, having barricaded it whilst Pj was in the bath. He walks back around to the back of the van.

'Were being the operative word.'

'It's funny actually.'

Chris frowns at him. 'Why?'

Pj brushes his whole hand against all the strings at once. Creating a sweet cacophony of sound.

'I wanted to make films.' Pj continues playing a different group of notes.

Chris smiles at him.

'We matched.'

Pj smiles back.

'I guess we did.'

Chris steps into the van. Pulling the doors shut after himself. He goes to one of the boxes on the right. Pulling out some blankets. Avoiding the one at the bottom. The one that smells like Phil, with his name stitched in the top corner. Chris begins to spread them on the ground. Creating a barrier against the cold metallic floor. He lifts Pj's legs up at one point so that he can spread the sheets without moving him. Pj laughs.

'I'm going to take your shoes off. ' Chris commands. Pj laughs again.

'If you must.' Chris pulls the shoes off Pj's feet one at a time. Gently lowering each long leg to the ground afterwards. He places the pair on top of one of the boxes. He takes his own shoes off and places them next to Pj's.

Pj carries on playing through all of this.

Chris sits down, crossing his legs and listening to it.

'I miss new music.' Chris says, he closes his eyes.

'Yeah, me too. Among other things.' They both sit listening to Pj play for a few seconds. 'Actually, I just miss music.'

Chris laughs.

'I have loads of music.' Pj's eyes brighten, his smile increases to a mad grin. 'You can pick something to listen to tomorrow. We need sleep right now. Did you get something else to eat?' Pj nods. Chris had eaten before. 'Good. Let’s sleep.' Chris lays down. Throwing himself onto his side and making Pj laugh. He grabs a blanket and puts it over himself.

Pj reaches up and puts the guitar on top of the boxes.

Chris expects him to lay down at the other end of the van.

Instead he comes and lays directly next to Chris. Chris accepts it. Moving the blanket so it covers the both of them.

'Is this okay?' Pj asks, not wanting to breach his space. Chris smiles at him.

'Yeah. Is this?' Chris puts his arms out and wraps them around him. Pulling him closer. Pj nods slightly and makes a noise of assent.

'Definitely.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'You know, sometimes I sleep kiss.'

'Yeah well, sometimes I sleep punch.'

Both of them laugh.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris can't sleep. Pj fell into rest quickly. His warmth keeping slightly too hot for Chris. But he can't bring himself to tear himself away. It feels too good.

He's not sure what he thinks about that.

All he knows is that Pj pulled him closer in his sleep and that he's not felt this good in years.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Of course Chris is the last asleep and the first awake. Of course.

The sunlight starts coming through the front of the van. Coming through two sets of windows. It isn't much but it's enough to tell Chris that it's early morning and that it's overcast. The light doesn't have any yellow in it, it's almost grey.

Pj's bandage has come off in their sleep. The cut looks okay from here. Chris doesn't think it's infected or anything. Which is a relief. He could do without that. Chris can't see Pj's face, it tucked into his chest some point in the night.

Chris realizes it was the first night. Since the apocalypse started. That he wasn't freezing his bollocks off while he tried to rest. It's odd, he likes the warmth.

He also realizes that he doesn't want Pj to go. He doesn't want to be alone. He wasn't going to let Pj go anyway. But after sleeping next to him, he knows how much he's willing to risk. He's willing to risk everything on getting to know the man next to him. The one with the great smile, the one that's far too skinny. Maybe if Chris can save him, he can save himself in the process. Chris doesn't want to break again. Maybe Pj can be his new beginning.

It's odd. He had other friends before the apocalypse. Phil having been a constant since he was a baby.

But he doesn't recall ever feeling this much to any of his other friends. He's only known Pj a day and this feels true.  He thinks it's probably down to the differences in times now. He never saved any of his other friends lives.

He remembers Phil's laugh. The one that happened when someone said something Phil found hilarious. He remembers Phil's odd sense of humor, the one that Chris knew entirely. He doesn't think anyone else ever did. How Phil looked when he cried. His drunken self. His secrets.

He remembers Bertie's glare and dry humor. Tom's immaturity, paired with a deep understanding of life in it's entirety, his life devoted to making other people laugh because he didn't feel like he always could. Sean's slight awkwardness, mixed with an amazing mind. Louise's mothering, followed normally by a loud snort of laughter. Zoe's giggle. Zoe and Louise's smiles, how they looked when they showed people the platonic marks which brought them together, just like he was brought together with Phil.

Thinking about his old friends is painful. So painful. Knowing they are all dead. Or close to it.Probably including Phil. And if Phil is dead. It's Chris's fault.

Pj begins to stir. Pulling Chris out of his thoughts. The ones that reside in everyone in the apocalypse. That's just the nature of it. There's nobody that hasn't been hurt.

'Is it morning?' Pj asks. Face against Chris's chest.

'Yes.'

Chris thinks one more dominate thought.

_If Phil is dead,  Pj can't die too. Pj gets to live._

'Does it have to be?' Pj moans. His voice low from sleep. Chris laughs. His chest raising and falling, disturbing Pj's rest. Chris begins to untangle himself. Much to Pj's disgust.

'Come on, you can sleep in the front.' Chris stands up, offering out a hand to Pj which he takes. He pulls up Pj and they begin to dissemble the makeshift bedroom.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

A smile spreads across Pj's face when the music begins to play. It's the best thing Chris has experienced in a long time.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris sees smoke in the distance as he drives along the road. He looks over at sleeping Pj. His face void of emotion, completely content. Chris thinks he looks young. He could almost forget everything they were thrown into if not for the jarring cut on the side of his face.

He listens to the music playing. Breathing from the passenger seat.

Chris thinks he can't be far from the coast now. Maybe he can find somewhere that he can live in peace with Pj.

Pj can be his new mission, seeing as he failed Phil. He can live for Pj.

It's hard to admit. But looking over at Pj, he knows the chances. A person can't live very long alone in this world. Phil is most likely dead, or with his soulmate. It'll never be the same again. It could never be Chris and Phil face the world. That fell apart once and it would fall apart again.

Mostly because Chris wouldn't let Pj be alone again, even if it brought back Phil. Pj doesn't deserve this.

Then again, nobody deserves this.

Chris feels himself get close to tears. He forces his thoughts back.

He looks back at the smoke, wondering where it comes from. Maybe there's just a simple fire. Maybe it's a group of people.

He carries on driving down the empty road.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'What's your story?' Pj's been awake for a few minutes. Chris has been pretending he hasn't known. The question takes him by surprise.

'I already told you.' Chris responds. Pj shakes his head.

'No, you told me the blurb of the book. I think I want to read it now.' Chris looks at him sideways.

'It's not a happy story.'

Pj laughs. 'I was hoping for the optimistic look on the apocalypse.' Chris shrugs.

'The food is free and we don't have to work anymore.'

'The food's tinned and I didn't even hate work that much.'

'We can also sleep in.'

'Well someone wouldn’t let me this morning, so that point doesn't count.'

Chris laughs. 'Sorry Mr-' He pauses for a second and looks over at Pj. 'Actually, what the fuck is your last name?'

Pj smiles. 'It's Liguori. Italian heritage.' Chris nods.

'Mine's Kendall. Northern heritage.'

'I guessed.'

'Huh?'

'You have a Northern brogue.' Pj teases. Chris snorts.

'Well excuse me whilst I go get a brew, pull my keks down and have a wank in the ginnel.' Pj's eyes widen. Chris smirks at him. 'Beltin' time'

'Okay?'

'Don't go up North.'

'Well I doubt there's that much Northern culture anymore.'

Chris expels air. 'Nobody can fuck up the Northerners. The cows will defend them.'

'Isn't this incredibly stereotypical?'

'Oh completely. But don't be upsetti Mr Italian, have some spaghetti.'

Pj dissolves into laughter. 'Are you fucking kidding me Chris?'

'Well I'd fucking hope so Mario.' Pj begins to cry.

Chris smiles sideways at Pj's laughter. Eventually, Pj stops laughing.

He looks out of the window to see an empty road. A sign, half destroyed, reading that they are twenty miles from something.

He sees an ambulance on the road and feels sick. Remembering. He sighs.

'I was twenty two when the virus starting killing people.' Pj says quietly, he looks over at Chris who is looking at him with wide eyes. 'I was living with my friend Sophie in Brighton. It was perfect. I was doing what I wanted to do. I never wanted to stop.' Pj stops to breath, thinking back to those days.

'Was she your soulmate?' Pj shakes his head. Tears coming up to his eyes but he refuses to let them spill.

'No, she was just my friend. We actually went to Los Angeles to work on a project for two weeks. When we came back for a break, they scanned us for it.' Pj starts to shake. 'I got through fine. Louis got through fine. Sophie collapsed into the guards arms.'

His breath hitches.

'Pj, you don't have to-'

'I do. I want to know your story so it's only fair you know mine.' Chris nods, curious as to what happened. Pj breaths out shakily.

'Take your time.' Chris reassures.

'They isolated her and took her to hospital. They took Louis and I too-'

'Who's Louis?'

'He was my other friend. Part of my university crew.' Pj smiles through the grief. 'We both tested negative for it.'

'Was this before people started walking?'

Pj nods. 'It was the first wave. When it just killed people.' Chris feels happier with that knowledge. He doesn't look away from the road.

'I suppose that's better.' Pj carries on looking at Chris.

'Yeah. They actually found me weird. Kept me in for extra tests.' Pj laughs. 'I thought I had it too. Turned out I was immune.' Chris turns around to him in shock.

'You were immune?'

'Yeah. Only 2% of the population were. I was first to be in this hospital. Of course that doesn’t stop anything now. You’re bitten, you’re dead.' Pj smiles, it doesn't reach his eyes. 'This was near the beginning.'

'I figured it must have been. They stopped the planes after a few weeks. I had to get a boat back.'

'Where were you?'

'France, but not my story. Yours first.' Pj sighs.

'So they figured out that I wouldn't get the disease. I was practically Jesus.'

Chris lets out a small laugh. 'Of course.' Pj laughs with him, the laugh dies quickly and sounds fake.

'She had been asking for me. Asking about Louis and me. Everyone else that had stayed at home. They let me in-'

'=They let you in!' Shock overriding Chris again.

'They were beginning to get cases pour in. I don't think they knew what to do. So I went in. Had to wear protective clothing and shit. And she was a wreck. But Sophie was always so determined. She recognized me straight away. Shouted at me until I was in her arms. She was hot, sticky. Then she told me...' Chris hadn't thought it was possible for Pj's face to fall further. He was mistaken.

'What did she tell you?'

Pj turns to look at him once more. The two of them look into each other's eyes.

'She told me that she'd been keeping a secret. But she needed me to know before she died and that I had to tell him...'

'Tell him what?'

'Tell Louis that they were soulmates and that Sophie had been too scared to tell him.'

Chris's heart breaks for them. His heart breaks for the tears which are slowly coming out of Pj's eyes.

'No.' Chris can hear his own voice, displaying his emotions.

'Yeah.' Pj's voice croaks with tears. 'We'd all gone swimming the summer before. A year before. And she'd seen his mark on his chest. She'd known for a year and didn't know what to do. She told me all this with minutes to live. It was minutes.' Chris can see how much Pj is shaking. He reaches out and puts a hand on his knee. Chris is glad that there's no one he can crash into.

'What happened next?'

Pj's shaking calms slightly. 'They told me I had to leave and she started screaming about how much she loved all of us. The last thing I heard her say was that I had to call her parents.'

'Did she-'

'No. No, I had to go fuck things up even more.' Chris looks at Pj in confusion.

Chris stops the van. Turning his full attention to Pj.

'What?'

'I was so upset, so fucking shocked at them being soulmates.  That the second I saw Louis. I started crying.'

'What happened next Peej?' Pj looks at him through damp eyes. Chris uses his other hand to grab Pj's. Holding him in two places. It doesn't even register as strange.

'I told him.' Pj whispers. 'I told him right outside the hospital.' Pj looks into Chris's eyes. 'So what do you think he did?'

Chris's heart breaks even more.

'He ran in didn't he?'

Pj nods.

'My two best friends got thirty seconds together before she died. Two days later, he wasn't immune, he joined her.'

Chris moves both of his arms and pulls them into an embrace over the handbrake. Pj cries into his shoulder.

'Oh Peej. I'm so sorry.'

'Then the world fell to shit. All my other friends died along the way. Jamie went home and I never saw him again. My parents died too. I don't know what happened to my sister. I started off travelling with my friend Dan. I'd promised Louis on his last day that I'd find my soulmate, because he’d never properly got to love his.. I lost Dan in an attack. He’s probably dead'

'Zombie?'

'Humans.' Chris nods, it's not uncommon. They pull away, each of them returning to their own seats.

'Then I was alone. I lost Dan when I was twenty three. I think I'm twenty four now.'

'I was twenty six when this started.'

'You're twenty eight?'

'Probably. Maybe. Who gives a fuck?' Pj laughs at Chris, tears still on his cheeks.

'I've not properly talked to anyone else since Dan.'

'Understandable.'

'I ended up running. I’m a fast runner.’ Pj frowns, smile on his face. ‘I guess I’m running to you.'

'I'm glad you are.'

Both of them smile. Chris starting the car up again and returning to driving down the long stretch of road.

'Me too.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris can see signs of the day ending. He sees a sign for a farm off the road stretch. He drives down the dirt road. Finding a collection of falling buildings. He pulls into a stable looking barn. Turning off the van lights. He checks the farm, machete in hand. Pj several steps behind him.

They find nothing but a bloody corpse with a gun in hand. There's a note that's too covered in red to read. Suicide.

Chris feels sick to his core. He can’t let Pj know.

Walking shoulder to shoulder, Pj and Chris return to the van. They eat. They talk, nothing painful. Pj plays the guitar again. They laugh. They separate for a few minutes and return to the van. They make a bed and lay in it.

They hold each other tighter that night.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

There's no sign of life the next morning. It's raining. Chris can hear it, smell it.

Pj's still fast asleep. Tucked into his side.

Chris lets him rest.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj wakes up a few hours later. Chris has been drifting in and out of consciousness. Unsure as to whether he is in dreams or reality.

One of the first things Pj sees when he wakes up is the mark on Chris's wrist.

It's beautiful. A feather with rainbow colours twisting into its edges.

Pj looks up at Chris's face. Eyes shut. He looks painless. Yet Pj knows that this mark has hurt him. Chris hasn't even told him what his platonic soulmate was called. Pj is okay with that though.

A horrible thought goes through Pj's head, that he's just a replacement. That Chris would choose this person over him. He has the mark to prove it. Pj tries to ignore it.

Pj looks back down at the mark. Admiring the colours. The way it plays on Chris's skin. Pj jumps slightly when Chris flexes his fingers. Pj looks back up at Chris's face. His eyes open now.

'You okay there?' Chris asks. That routine smile back on his face. Pj has a feeling that it's fake, he has since he met him. At least some of the time.

'Yeah, I'm fine.' Pj pulls slightly away from Chris, looking up to where his shoes reside.

'Are you really?'

Pj looks back at Chris with wide eyes. Shocked by the question. Words get stuck in his throat. He tells the truth.

'No.'

Chris sadly smiles at him, nodding his head slightly.

'Me too.'

Pj isn't sure when. But he ends up with his arms around Chris's body. Pulling them both together again. It feels different to the way they do it when they sleep. This seems more intimate. Chris places his lips on Pj's shoulder without him noticing. They pull away. Pj smiles at him, Chris finds himself smiling back.

'Come on, we're losing sunlight.' Pj jumps into action. Chris finds himself watching him for a second before joining him.

'You don't even know where we're heading.' Pj looks up at him. He'd been collecting sheets and putting them back in boxes.

'Doesn't matter. I know you need to get there.' Pj raises his arm and points to Chris's wrist. 'You need to get back to them.'

Chris frowns at him, smiling slightly with it.

'You matter to me more than they do now.'

Pj frowns at him. 'Why?'

'Because they're probably dead.’

Pj blinks. He swallows.

'I'm sorry.'

'He was called Phil.'

'I'm sorry.'

'You would have loved him. Loved him more than me. He was always the better one.'

'I doubt that.'

Pj collects Chris into his arms.

Chris pulls away slightly. Looking into Pj's eyes.

'He was so special Peej. This was killing him.'

'I'm so sorry Chris, truly sorry. But we need to move, there's still a chance we could find him.' Chris nods. Instead of pushing Pj away, he pulls him closer.

'Just let me have this for a minute. Please.'

Pj whispers into Chris's ear.

'Always.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris sees smoke again. He tells Pj. Both of them decide if they see it again, that they'll investigate. For now, they need to get to the coast.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'We're running out of food.' Chris states. Looking out onto the road.

'I’m aware.'

'There's a supermarket over there.'

'I’m also aware of this.' Chris turns back around to look at Pj.

'How good is your aim?'

'Not as good as yours. Why?'

Chris grins at him and Pj knows he's in trouble.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Honestly, Pj doesn't think he's ever laughed this hard. He's including before the apocalypse too.

He's currently running around an abandoned supermarket with Chris in a rusted trolley.

'There's a motherfucker. Peej, would you please run to the motherfucker?'

Pj changes the direction of the trolley, running quickly with Chris inside. Chris aims and fires. The sound ringing in Pj's ears. Pj jumps up onto the bars of the trolley. Allowing it to come to a natural stop.

'Bye-bye motherfucker.' Pj supplies, grinning down at Chris.

'Quit stealing my lines.'

'It's not my fault you're predictable.'

Chris looks up at him. Mouth opening and closing.

'Your mum's predictable.'

Pj laughs again. 'My mum's dead.'

'Stop being such a fucking party pooper Peej. Now push me!' Chris kicks he front of the trolley, creating a loud noise. He has his head leaning back so he can look up at Pj.

'There's no need to be so demanding.' Pj begins to push Chris again. Listening out for the sounds of the undead and not hearing any. It's a large store and the cans are most likely on the other side of it.

'It's just my hyper dominance coming through.' Chris responds. Pj snorts.

'What hyper fucking dominance?'

Chris looks up at Pj and wiggles his eyebrows at him.

'Wouldn't you like to find out?'

Before Pj can respond, he hears the low moans of a member of the undead.

'We've got one.'

'Great, now I'm being cock blocked by a corpse.'  Chris reloads the gun and fires twice. One bullet hitting the chest and the other hitting the head.

'How are you so good at this?' Pj asks as they wheel past the body.

'Movie magic.' Chris dramatically responds. Pj finds himself laughing again. 'I grew up on a farm. That's how Northern I am.' Pj makes a noise of apprehension. 'I used to ride cows as a child.' Pj snorts once more.

'You used to ride cows. I used to get bullied. The dead started walking. It's a cruel world.'

'It could be worse.  I've got you now.' Chris looks up at Pj and smiles. Pj smiles back.

'All the bullies and cows are probably dead anyway.' Pj states.

'Daisy was a fucking amazing cow. Her being dead is the biggest tragedy of them all.' Pj laughs once more.

'Daisy? That's very Jack and the Beanstalk.'

'Well I do like big amounts of weed but honestly, that's a whole different ball game.' Chris laughs with him this time, a small amount of pink blush filling his cheeks.

'Drug use jokes now?' Pj asks.

'Nah. Go down this aisle!' Chris uses his arm to indicate left, making the correct noises as well.  Chris jumps out when Pj stops moving. Surveying the area quickly.

'See anything?' Pj asks.

'No, but best to double check.' Chris turns around the the shelves. 'Let's pack some of this up. Then we can find somewhere to park up for the night.' Pj nods along.

They begin to work together to collect cans of food.

'Urgh olives' Pj states as he moves a jar out of the way to collect some soup.

'You don't like olives?'

Pj turns around to look at Chris, he's pushed through and is in the next aisle. Finding some toothpaste and brushes for the both of them.

'I hate olives.'

'Same actually. Phil always really liked them. T'was annoying.' Chris comes back into the aisle and throws some products into the trolley. 'I also found chewing gum, razors and some plasters. They're Hello Kitty but I honestly think that just increases the appeal.'

'Of course. We can be the prettiest princesses in the land.'

'I already am the prettiest princess in the land. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.' Pj rolls his eyes at him, Chris coming over and helping to get the last few cans in. The shelves which were already sparse, are now empty.

'Think that'll do?' Pj asks. Chris nods.

'Yeah, that should last us over a week. Plus it's all different so we won't get bored. Want to check for chocolate?'

'Fuck yeah.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris climbs back into the trolley. Snatching things off the shelves whilst Pj moves. They haven't encountered anymore walkers but found enough bottled water to last them two weeks.

'I think we've got everything. To the batmobile!'

'Whatever you say Chris.' Pj turns around. Directing them both out of the store.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They eat until they're full that night. Having found another abandoned house with a garage. The water didn't work in this house but both of them are used to dirt. They're just glad when they get to brush their teeth. Chris is glad for Pj’s laugh.

Chris honestly doesn't think he's ever been held firmer than he is that night. He doesn't think he's ever held someone so tight either.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj's been pretending he's asleep for the last five minutes. Chris is completely aware of it. Chris watches him for a small second and knows it's time.

He knows he’s not going to tell him the full ending, only some of it. But Pj deserves to know at least the start. Pj will never know need to know the Chris Pj met. 

'I was in Paris when it started.' Pj blinks his eyes open. Looking up at Chris. 'We'd always wanted to go. After university, it just seemed like the right thing to do. I had some acting set up for after the summer. Phil had a job then too. It was now or never.' Chris laughs to himself. 'We decided to learn the language as we went. And we did. I can speak it semi fluently now. We didn't come back after the summer in the end. We stayed there.'

'Chris, what are you doing?' Pj studies him.

'I'm telling you my story. That okay?' Chris responds. Pj nods, sitting up.

‘Of course.’ Chris stops for a second and continues.

'We ignored it as long as we could. But it reached a level that we couldn't anymore. It was when they stopped the planes that Phil and I decided to come home. We were lucky, second to last ferry that ever came back. We headed North. The plan was find our family and then our soulmates. I think Phil wanted to sit it all out. Wait until it was over.' Chris laughs to himself. 'Fucking soppy optimist.' Chris looks back at Pj. 'That wasn't what happened.'

'I guessed.'

'We got back. In my house, we found two bodies. In Phil's, I found his father walking, dead. We never found his brother or mum.'

'The two bodies?...'

'My parents. They died together.' Pj nods.

'Sorry.'

'Don't be. We're all orphans of the storm.' Chris and Pj laugh lightly.

'Do you want to carry on?'

'Yeah. You don't know what happened to Phil yet.' Chris swallows. 'We decided to come back south. Try and see if we could find our friends...'

Chris stops speaking.

'What?'

Chris untangles himself from Pj, leaving both of them sitting up.

'Nothing. Just... It's hard to explain. Phil and I saw some horrible horrible things on the way. It changed us both. We kept trying to find people but we never did. It was bodies, walkers, or nothing. I was losing hope. Phil's fucking resolve just got bigger' Chris smiles to himself, it doesn't spread to his eyes.

This is the point in which Chris’s story skips two days.

'We all did that.' Pj smiles at him and Chris tries to smile back.

'We got attacked and afterwards, I couldn't find him. I've loved him since we were...’ Chris laughs. ‘God, since I was six months old. Our parents knew each other. My mum met Phil for the first time when he was about a year old. Saw his mark. They introduced us the next day. His face sobers.'He was my best friend and I let him get taken. Probably killed. But we had a plan in case we got separated.'

Pj grins. 'That's where we're heading?'

Chris nods. 'We went on holiday together when we were sixteen. Tiny beach with no cities anyway near. We could barely find it back then. It's the perfect hide out.'

'Or meet up point.' Pj adds. Chris nods at him quickly.

'It's a long shot, but it's a shot.' Chris whispers. 'It's my only shot.'

'I hope you find him.' Chris frowns at him.

'Why?'

'Because you deserve it. '

Pj looks straight into him. Chris can't detect any insincerity.

'Huh.' Chris says. Looking into himself. Knowing that he knows what he's done, and Pj doesn't.

'What?'

'Nothing. Let's pack up.'

The two of them spring into action.

'Your one wasn't as much as a sob story as mine.' Pj points out as he reaches up to pile boxes. His shirt rides up, revealing the smooth skin of his stomach.

'I left out some details. ' Pj nods at him. Walking out of the van.

'Saving the best till last?' Chris double checks everything and walks out also.

'Of course.' They slam the van doors shut.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj falls asleep in the front of the car again. Chris thinks he must have lost a lot of sleep over the last few years. It makes sense that he's making up for it now.

He jumps out of sleep, shocked awake.

Pj blinks quickly, breathing deeply.

'You okay Peej?' Chris asks. Pj nods still out of breath. 'Bad dream?'

Pj looks over at Chris.

'They all are.'

Chris carries on driving down the road. It's empty. The partition in the center of the two lanes has collapsed.

'I don't dream anymore.' Chris replies.

'Everybody dreams.' Pj scoffs.

Chris looks over at him. He's breathing steadily now. Not smiling still.

'Excuse me, I am a dream.'

The corners of Pj's mouth turn upwards.

'You're not wrong.'

'I'm taking that compliment. I just don't remember my dreams anymore.' Chris looks back to the road. 'I'm that dick.'

'I envy you.'

'You shouldn't' Chris utters.

'Why?' Pj whispers in response. Chris carries on looking straight ahead.

'Can we not?’

Pj nods at him.

'Fair enough.'

Pj turns to face the window. Waiting the few seconds it takes Chris to change his mind. Smiling to himself when Chris begins to talk.

'Because you didn't lose the one person you were supposed to take care of.'

Pj turns back to face Chris. Chris is already looking at him. Pj looks into his eyes.

'The one person you were ever supposed to take care of was yourself Chris.'

Chris opens his mouth to argue. His mouth opening and closing.

'But...'

'Chris?'

'You're right.' Chris murmurs.

The look of pain etched into Chris's face both silences Pj and urges him to talk, to comfort.

'Chris...'

'You're right.' Chris repeats. His voice is shaking, tears swelling behind his eyes, swimming in his vision.

'He'd want you to be happy Chris. The Phil you told me about, he would want you to be happy.'

'That was the beginning Phil. The end Phil hated me. Rightfully.' Tears begin to fall out of Chris's eyes.

'Chris, stop the van.'

Chris considers fighting it. But does as Pj tells him too.

'Okay'

The vehicle comes to a stand still.

The road is clean. The trees are motionless with the lack of breeze. Pj dares to breath. The only thing moving in the world is the tears down Chris's cheeks.

'Chris, are you the same person you were when Phil last saw you?'

'No. I don't think I'm the same person I was when I met you. That Chris wouldn't be crying in front of you.'

'Do you think Phil would be the same person now?' Chris looks at him.

'What do you mean?'

'Don't you think that if you've missed him this much. He won't have missed you just as much?'

Chris wipes the tears from under his eyes.

'I'm probably never going to know.' Chris retorts.

'We're sure as hell going to try.' Pj commands.

'We?'

'It'll be us if you want it to be.'

'Of course I fucking do.'

Pj laughs at him, Chris smiles back.

Pj scuffles over the passenger seat. He reaches over the braking system to pull Chris into an embrace.

Chris buries his face into Pj's shoulder. Taking a deep breath. Pj's scent overrides him.

For the first time since Phil left, since before Phil left, he feels okay.

It's scary but he needs it.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'I'm still not used to having you around.'

'I'm not sure if I'm used to being around.'

They smile at each other.

'It's starting to get dark.' Chris states. Pj nods.

'Look out for somewhere to stop?' Pj asks.

'Yeah.'

'How much longer do you think it's going to take to get there?'

'I checked the map yesterday. We'll be getting of this road tomorrow. Then I'm going to rely on your map reading skills.'

'I'm shit at reading maps.'

Chris turns and laughs at him. 'Well you're going to have to try your best.'

'I always do.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

That night Chris falls asleep at the same time as Pj. Both of them exhausted, neither of them willing to let the other go.

Chris wakes up when Pj starts to thrash slightly. His nightmares recurring. Chris holds him still until he stops. Chris questions whether sleeping next to him is a good idea. It's likely to make things more complicated.

Right now however, he wants the simplicity.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj wakes up first again. Smiling up at Chris through the sunlight. They'd parked up in another abandoned home.

Pj doesn't look at the time. He forgets time exists in the moment of laying next to his friend.

Chris wakes up.

Chris is glad that the first thing he sees in the morning has become a smile, Pj's smile. It gives him a few seconds of happiness before he remembers it all. He likes being able to smile back.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'I think this is it.' Pj states, frowning down at the map is his hands.

'I know it is. There was a sign about half an hour ago.' Chris smirks over. Pj looks dismayed.

'Why didn't you-'

'You look cute when you're concentrating.' Chris considers himself. 'Plus I had to test your ability, you passed. Congrats.'

Pj laughs at him.

'You're so annoying.'

'I'm fucking hilarious.'

Pj dissolves back into laughter.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Hey Peej.'

'Chris, I'm busy.' Pj is analyzing the map.

'That cloud looks like a cat.'

Pj looks up from the paper and up at the sky. He points out to a different part of it.

'That one looks like a dick.'

'I wasn't going to say anything you filthy pervert.'

'Says you.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Has it really only been five days since I met you?' Pj asks, disbelief evident in his voice. He'd been staring out of the window, Chris was about to ask if he was okay. The map is unnecessary for the moment, the signs are still intact and readable. They didn't have any riots here by the looks of it.

Chris's eyes widen with the realization.

'Fuck you're right.'

'It feels like more than that.'

'It does.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Should we go in there for the night?'

'We could still drive for a bit.' Pj answers.

'I know, but we're not going to make it there tonight. It looks abandoned. I've seen no signs of life for a few miles. I can't be fucked.'

Pj nods.

'Lets check it out then.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The house is empty. Bare pealing walls. The lack of furniture implying that it was vacant before the apocalypse.

The garage door is strong. Pj makes a barricade for the door connecting the building to the house.

Chris searches through his albums. Finding one of the few mixtapes and playing it. He always feels a special connection to them. Knowing that somebody loved somebody enough to choose a selection of music for them. He puts the first disc in, turns the volume up to max and climbs out of the passenger seat. Aiding Pj in his work.

Chris rolls his eyes when the opening bars of a Paramore song come on.

'Phil had the biggest crush on Hayley Williams.' Chris says. He tries to open the door, it won't budge. 'This isn't going to move.'

'Good.' Pj responds, deadpan and cutting. He turns and sits in the back of the van.

'Okay?' Chris says, not expecting Pj to respond. He follows Pj into the van.

Pj is sitting with the guitar in his lap. Legs stretched out. Chris moves and sits opposite him, crossing his legs so he can fit.

Pj lets out a huff of air and smiles down at the instrument. He moves it, strumming all the strings once with his fingers. He begins to play along to the music.

Chris is mesmerized by the look on Pj's face. The sadness mixed with happiness, the overall sense of calm. Stunning. He observes Pj's delicate playing along, realizing he must have learnt the song.

His observations are further confirmed when Pj begins to delicately sing along. His voice deep and strong. Chris thinks of how cliched this is, and smiles.

_'Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul,_

_That love never lasts._

_And we have to find other ways to make it alone,_

_Or keep a straight face.'_

Chris takes a deep breath, picturing the few times Chris has seen Phil sing the same song. He places Phil next to Pj. Looking at the both, when he can only see one.

_'And I've always lived like this,_

_Keeping a comfortable, distance,_

_And up until now I had sworn to myself,_

_That I'm content with loneliness.'_

Chris's heart stops when Pj's playing gets louder. More than matching the voice on the track.

_'Because none of it was ever worth the risk.'_

Chris can't help but grin at the small smile growing on Pj's face whilst he plays with the music.

 _'Well you are the only exception.'_ The sentence repeats.

The music focuses on the instruments. Chris worries that Pj's going to cut his fingers with the intensity of the music he's playing.

_'I've got a tight grip on reality,_

_But I can't let go of what's in front of me here._

_I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up,_

_Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream.'_

The unfamiliar music culminates in the repetition of a sentence. Chris could never feel it before, he'd never liked this music very much. It'd always been Phil's thing. Knowing Phil, he'd probably had this feeling from the very start, probably understood it straight away.

Listening to Pj sing it too, it makes Chris feel something.

Something he'd been feeling the last few days, slightly aware of but never fully aware of. He has a grasp of it now. He doesn't know what it is. But it's good, so good.

_'And I'm on my way to believing.'_

Pj looks up and smiles at Chris.

It's a small one, it's a sad one, it's brilliant.

_'Oh, and I'm on my way to believing.'_

The two of them look at each other. Pj's fingers resting on guitar strings. He notices the small ache in them.

Chris remembers that he doesn't mind a cliche, they're cliched for a reason.

Another song begins to play, another love song. Chris thinks that the disc was probably made for the soulmate of the creator. He likes it regardless.

'That was kind of amazing.' Chris admits. 'Also, kinda lame.'

'Thanks, I guess.' Pj moves and places the guitar back to where it resides. 'I liked that song growing up, my sister loved it. It just reminded me of a few things.'

'Same. Well except for the liking it thing. That was Phil's shit, not mine.' Chris shakes his head, letting out a small chuckle. 'He was so excited for the album, made me go out and buy it for him.'

'I bought it on the second day.'

'That's weird.'

Pj frowns at him.

'Why?' Pj questions.

'Just that you were existing too, at the same time as me.' Chris answers.

'I could say the same thing about you.'

'I know you could and that's why it's weird.'

'The apocalypse happened, that's weird.'

'The apocalypse hasn't always been happening, that's even weirder.' Chris retorts.

Pj looks at him for a second. Chris looking back at him.

Pj stands up, moves the short distance and sits next to Chris.

Chris stretches out his legs, placing them next to Pj's. He absentmindedly puts his arm around Pj. Pj doesn't push him away. He relaxes into it.

They sit in comfortable silence for a few seconds.

'Hey Chris.'

'Yeah?'

'What do you call a fly without wings?'

Chris laughs. 'I don't know.'

'A walk.'

Chris rolls his eyes and dissolves into laughter. Still chuckling when he speaks.

'That sounds like a Phil joke.' Chris shakes his head. 'You'd definitely get along.'

'Maybe we will.'

Chris hesitates. 'Maybe you will.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris falls asleep first that night. Pj feels powerful with Chris vulnerable in his arms. He'll protect him tonight. He'll protect him as long as he wants him too.

For someone he's not even known for a week, that's fucking nuts.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj untangles himself from Chris, making sure he's still asleep. He pulls on his shoes, pushing through until he's in the front seat. He opens the front door, listening out for potential threat.

He hears none, he dissembles the barricades. He hadn't been able to get back to sleep, he figured it was best to do something useful.

The garage door can open now. Satisfied, he returns to the van.

He sits in the front seat. He can see the sunny outside world through a window.

He looks back at the sleeping Chris, and smiles at him.

He doesn't know how to feel. Half of him hopes that they find Phil, the other half doesn't want to find him. He's completely aware of how entirely selfish that is. He can't stop himself from feeling it. He doesn't want things to change, but they will anyway, there's no stopping it.

Pj picks a random disc, turning on the player and inserting it. He turns it up to full volume.

He turns around just in time to see Chris bolt awake. Chris turns to the source of the noise, ready to pounce.

Pj starts laughing.

'I hate you.' Chris grumbles as he returns to laying down. 

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Are you ready for this?' Pj asks.

They're minutes away from the beach. There's been no signs of life for miles. Pj can smell salt water, hear birds. It's been so long since there's been no trace of blood surrounding him.

'I'm as ready as I'm ever going to be.' Chris affirms. Both hands on the steering wheel, he's taking deep breaths to calm himself. 'I just want to know.' Chris hesitates. 'I need to know.' Pj nods at him.

'I know that I don't understand to the same degree. But I sort of get it.'

'You probably do get it. You've lost just as many people as me.'

'Yes, but I never lost Phil.' Pj responds. Chris opens his mouth to respond and shuts it.

'True.'

Chris turns the corner. The hedges stop, they can see the sea. It's blue and calm. Sunlight shining off it. 

Chris laughs. 'I thought you'd like it. There's a reason we picked this place.'

'You picked it for the aesthetic?'

'Why else?'

The smile grows on Pj's face, and then it falls.

'Will things change?'

Chris is taken back by the question.

'What do you mean?'

'I mean if you find Phil, if Phil's here. Will things change?'

'I don't know Peej-'

'-Because I really like sleeping next to you. I don't want this to change. I want this to stay the same. It's not even been a week but this is the best I've been in years.' Pj splutters out. 'Please.' He begs.

Chris's eyes are wide.

'Peej, I'm not going to leave you alone. Fuck that. You're too good for that.' Chris slows the car to a stop. Pulling on the brake. 'Things may change, but I'm not letting you go.'

'Promise?'

'Promise.' Chris says the words and they feel like they're coming from his soul. He tries to ignore the feeling. 'We have to walk from here.' Pj nods. Reaching back to grab his gun and pass Chris's to him.

They step out of the van, lock it up and walk down the road, shoulder to shoulder.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The road becomes steeper, the van would have been unable to drive down it. Chris has his gun at the ready. Pj walks on the tips of his feet, ready to run any second necessary. The road comes to an end, they're walking on sand.

'Did you and Phil set up any place in particular to actually meet?' Pj inquires, scanning the beach for any signs of life. It's too large to see any. There's nothing obvious. The sand is white, slightly off white. There's patches of tall grass that sways gently with wind. The sun is warm against Pj's skin, this feels the closest to peace that Pj has ever been.

'No, we didn't think that far ahead.' Chris mumbles. Shaking slightly. The air is warm however.

'Chris?'

'Yeah?'

'Do you want to go swimming?' Pj requests with a smile on his face.

Pj is drenched in sunlight. Chris finds himself smiling despite the build up of worry inside of him.

'Of course.'

'Race you in.'

'Huh?'

Pj is already running towards the water. Laughing. His strides marking imprints in the sand, even more so when he crosses over into wet sand. Chris rolls his eyes and follows him. He can hear his laughter from here.

Pj reaches the edge of the water. He looks around the see Chris running behind him. He can see no other signs of life, he quickly moves to where the sand is dry. Placing his gun on the ground, followed by his shoes with his socks tucked into them. He's peeling off his shirt when Chris catches up with him.

'I win.'

'I know, you inhuman fucking superman bitch.' Chris protests. Pj laughs.

Chris put his hands on his thighs and leans over to try and get some air into his lungs. He can't stop laughing which is hindering the process.

Pj takes off his trousers and walks into the water in his underwear. Laughing at the gentle in and outer motion of the waves. At the sand trying to bury his feet. The water is cold yet of the upper half of his body is warm.

He wades out, the water providing resistance to his movements.

He turns around, knee deep in water, and starts splashing Chris. Chris runs back and out of the splash zone.

'You motherfucker!' Pj carries on splashing. Chris can't stop laughing. 'Stop!'

'Come and make me!' Pj carries on splashing in his direction. Chris rolls his eyes and laughs whilst removing his clothes. He places them next to Pj's checking the general area before putting his gun on the ground. There's no way they could be shot at from this distance. The shooter would need to come onto the sand, then Chris would be able to spot them.

Chris runs into the water, kicking water at Pj who laughs as him.

He throws his body at Pj's, making them both fall backwards into the water. Pj puts up a mild scream, filling his mouth with water. He pushes back up through the surface of the water, coughing the water out. Chris does the same, Pj splashes him once more. Chris's hair sticks to his forehead.

'Thanks for that Peej.'

Pj pushes his own hair out of his face 'You're welcome.'

Chris laughs. Rolling his eyes and shaking his head. He begins to stand up. Pj remains sitting in the water, waves hitting his arms.

It takes him a second. He's looking at the mark on Chris's leg and it takes him a second to comprehend it. For it all to slot into place. He gasps loudly, his fingers automatically place themselves over his mouth. His body moves so that he is on his knees, his lower half still below the water line. The movement of waves nearly knocks him over. Chris frowns down at him, checking their surroundings first.

'What's wrong?' Chris demands.

Pj finally tears his eyes away from the mark. Looking up at Chris. Studying his face, his eyes. Tears roll down his cheeks yet he's smiling.

'I guess it makes sense really.' Pj says.

'What does?'

'We're soulmates.'

Chris's eyes widen, his mouth hangs open.

'What?'

'We're soulmates.' Pj stands up, pushing himself up with his hands. He points to his thigh and to Chris's. 'See?'

Chris looks between the two marks. A smile grows on his face.

'You're right. It does make sense.' Chris looks back up at Pj's face. 'Thank fuck for that.'

Both of them laugh, Chris closes the gap between them. Placing his lips against Pj's. It tastes sweet and feels soft, Chris smiles with the kiss. Pj feels surprised and elated. Chris feels relieved and so light in the face of things.

A large wave comes and knocks them both off balance. Both of them fall into the green tinted blue water, neither of them let go of the other.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris's hand in his is one of the best feelings Pj's ever had. But he's conflicted. Some of him is sad that the people he loved will never get to met his soulmate. Some of him is blissful, he's here now, it's Chris. Some of him is relieved, there's no reason for him to ever be alone again.

'You okay there?'

'Yep.'

They'd gotten out of the sea and changed back into their clothes. Barely stopping touching for a second. They’ve been walking around the beach for signs of Chris's other soulmate. Pj collected some sea shells and Chris had run after him with seaweed. They're both clean and covered in salt from the water.

'Peej, what is up with your hair?' Chris chuckles out the words. Looking up at the salt induced curls. Pj absentmindedly runs his free hand over them. His eyes which had been unfocused and wondering, look at Chris.

'I could try to tame it but I don't want to make it angrier.'

Chris starts laughing.

It's odd. Whilst Chris's hand in his is one of the best feelings he's ever had, putting their lips together is even better.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Pj, there's something over there.' Chris raises both of their hands and points to a small structure. Pj can see a bright object that seems to be moving in the wind.

'Let's investigate.' Pj  states.

They begin to walk in sync.

'Are we detectives now?' Chris asks, chuckling with it.

Pj smiles at him.

'Shotgun Sherlock.'

'Fuck that. I'm being Miss Marple.' Chris retorts.

Pj laughs, thinks about it, and laughs even harder.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They reach the small structure. Chris remembers that it used to be a small shop. It's deserted. There's a small red ribbon attached to the old door handle. Chris came to a standstill, Pj lets go of his hand and steps forward to investigate.

'Chris, there's a note here.'

'Yeah?'

'It has your name on it.'

Chris's heart stops. 'Is it?..'

Pj looks at him. 'It's signed from Phil. It's written in French... I think'

Chris nods, and breathes in. 'Give it to me.'

Pj takes the few steps and puts the note into Chris's hand. He puts the palm of his hand on the back of Chris's, an attempt to calm him.

He watches as Chris's eyes dart along the page and back again. Pj smiles slightly when Chris smiles. He nearly cries when he sees the tears behind Chris's eyes.

'You okay Chris?'

'He's okay.' He gasps more breath, tears rolling out of his eyes. 'He's fine.'

Pj reaches forward and pulls them both into a hug. Chris buries himself into it, pressing his lips against Pj's shoulder.

'Let's get back to the van. It's getting dark, we'll find somewhere to park up for the night and you can read it to me. Yeah?'

'Yeah.'

Pj rubs Chris's back for a second, both of them remaining still. They detach, and reattach. They return to their vehicle.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The barn had been hard to barricade, but it would keep intruders out easily. It seemed stable enough. Though Pj wouldn't be too shocked if they woke up with a building on top of the van.

They'll deal with that when and if it happens.

They'd eaten on the way. Chris temporarily forgetting the scrawled words that are residing on top of the boxes. They assemble their makeshift bedroom.

Pj turns on the solar lamps and lights one of the few candles. Chris sits on the floor watching, note resting in his hands. His back is pressed against the metal wall. Pj finishes turning on the lights. The lights are warm but dim. Pj sits beside Chris, Chris puts his arm around him and brings him closer. He presses his lips to the top of his head, keeping them there.

He brings them away.

'Do you want me to read it to you?' Chris asks.

'Yes. I want to understand.' Pj considers himself. 'Though, if you don't want to tell me, it's fine.'

'No, you can know.' Chris coughs. 'It's a rough translation but it says this...' Chris hesitates. Breathing out.

'Get on with it.' Pj teases, smiling up at Chris. Chris smiles back, rolling his eyes. 'It says this...' Pj repeats.

_'Hey Chris. I don't know what to say. I’ve been planning this but nothing feels right now I’ve got here. Do you understand that? If you're reading this, you have to understand that. I guess I'll start with I found him. His name is Daniel and we match, he's brilliant and I love him and I found him a few days after I lost you. '_

Chris lets out a single laugh.

'At least you know he's not alone.'

Chris pulls Pj in for a quick kiss before continuing reading the letter.

_'Zoe and Louise found me. I know, what are the odds? We’re with them. There's a big group of us, we travel together. We're trying to find somewhere safe to stay permanently.'_

'Who are Zoe and Louise?'

'Old university buddies. They were the only other platonic soulmates that we knew.' Chris looks up the the left. 'Except the Harries twins, but they cheated.'

'How did they cheat?'

'I had to wait six months to find my first soulmate, which still isn't a long time. They had to wait fucking minutes.' Pj snorts.

'That is unfair. We should report them.'

'Who to?'

'To the 'Life Just Isn't Fair And We're Fucking Sick Of It' company of monsters. I hear they solve a lot of life injustices.'

'Such as?'

'Such as good things happening to bad people, the minimum wage being too low, and the increased price of Freddos.'

'It's literally been the apocalypse for two years. Do we really give a shit about frog shaped chocolate?'

'They were ten pence to start with and twenty when the dead started rising. That's the worst thing to ever happen ever. Where's the world's morality now?'

Chris chuckles at his soulmate. 'Are you done?'

Pj smiles at him. 'Yes.'

Chris rolls his eyes and continues reading the note.

_'When I realized we were close to here, I got Dan to come with me. We've been coming every day for a week. Now the group is moving on, and I can't come here anymore. I can't give up that safety for you. Because you might be dead. I can't make Dan give that up for a dream that you're okay. You're dead. There's no way you could still be alive in this world by yourself. You know why.’_

Chris breathes out in relief when Pj doesn’t ask what Phil’s talking about. Chris isn’t ready for that talk yet. He's not sure if he ever will be.

_‘I had to put two zombies down just to get this paper. Dan found the ribbon. And they're zombies, they are zombies. You were right for trying to get me to stop believing that this was just a dream. I'm so sorry Chris, so sorry. I killed you. I'll never forgive myself. Dan says that you'd want me to forgive me, I think he's probably right. But Dan's never had a platonic mark, he doesn't get how much it hurts not having you around. He tries but he never will. It's like trying to teach a fish to fly. Except actually there is flying fish isn't there? Never mind. If this is actually Chris reading this, you'll understand.'_

'He sounds like the Phil you described.'

Chris frowns at this, because the written words do sound like his best friend. Yet at the same time, they feel different.

'I guess he does.'

'Do you want to carry on?'

Chris nods and he continues.

_'Chris, it's like a part of me is gone. We made mistakes. We both did. I shouldn't have pushed so hard. I should have taken care of you, that's what we were supposed to do. But I was just so angry, I didn't do what I should have done. I miss you, so, so much. Sometimes I look at Dan and I can only feel two things. How much I love him and how much I miss you. The second one always wins. I feel guilty looking at him. Because if you're dead, the person with the matching flowers will never get to feel the way I feel. You'll never get to feel like this. I would give anything to have you back, though, I don't have anything left to give.  I always would. But it's been a week, and you're not here, and you're probably dead. Just know this, I'm sorry, and if there's anything you can't forgive yourself for, know that I forgive you. I always have and always will forgive you when you need it.'_

Chris smiles despite tears rolling down his cheeks.

'Chris, he wants you to forgive yourself. You don't need to cry.'

'Yeah I do.' Chris croaks. Pj leans up and kisses Chris's cheek. Salt on his lips.

'Tell me the rest.' Chris nods.

_'So this is it. The group travel by cars. They've come to collect Dan and I. This is it. I'm never going to come back. You're dead. I know they want me to hurry up, but I don't think any of them actually want to tell me to. They're too kind for that. I'm also crying which is also stopping them. You'd laugh at the look on Dan's face right now. I think he honestly is getting ready to start a fight with the next person that speaks. I might have to stop that. You'd like Dan. Actually that's a lie, you'd probably dislike him because he's my other soulmate. Dan has jealousy issues anyway, so there'd be that too. I think it's more likely you'd put up with each other but sort of have a mutual respect. Like Lions and Tigers that are next to each other in a zoo. Huh, I wonder if there are Lions running around now. In the urban wilderness. If I find one, I'll tame it and name it after you. Okay?'_

'He definitely sounds like Phil.'

Chris smiles and nods. Tears having stopped but remaining there.

_'This really is it. I really have to go. Chris, I love you. I love you so much. You're my brother and I never should have let you go. I'm sorry. I love you.  If you're still alive, we're travelling south. It's the fifth of June.'_

'It's the twenty second today. It says so on the clock in the front.'

'Two weeks.'

'Yeah, carry on? Pj appeals.

Chris nods and reads again.

_'So I don't know how much time you have to make up on us, but if you can catch up with us. Do it. I need you. Please. I've shown everyone pictures of you, well there's only three, Zoe and Louise kept one of the four of us, but still. They should recognize you. If you’re alive, then I hope you found something else. I hope you found them. I hope they make you smile like Dan makes me smile. I hope they make it easier, like I should have. Goodbye Chris, if you're alive, then see you soon. If you're dead, then I hope you're happy wherever you are. You've got plenty of friends there. I love you either way. Goodbye.'_

Phil's full name is scratched in slanted writing in the bottom corner.

'We can catch up. Moving south should be easy enough. If they're as big as Phil says they are. Then they'll be stopping at night.' Pj demands.

Chris frowns at his odd determination.

'I guess we'll move out tomorrow then.' Chris concedes.

'Good. But for now...' Pj moves quickly connecting his mouth with Chris's mouth. Chris makes a noise of surprise that turns into one of pleasure. Pj places a hand on the side of Chris's face, He shifts his body until he's in Chris's lap. Chris puts his hands in Pj's hair, he can feel the sea salt in it. Pj breaks the kiss for a second with a sweet noise. Breathing deeply. Chris notices the dilation in his eyes.

'I think someone's desperate.' Chris teases, smirking.

Pj rolls his eyes at him. 'Oh shut up.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

He presses their lips together once more, deeper this time, confirming Chris's statement. Making Chris laugh.

Chris squeezes Pj's ass, making Pj gasp. During the surprise, Chris puts his tongue into Pj's mouth. Intensifying the exchange even further.

Chris pulls away for a second and Pj whines. Making Chris laugh again.

'I'm just getting your shirt off.'

Pj leans forward for a quick kiss, pulling away with a short noise. He raises his hands over his head, Chris pulls his shirt up and over him. Throwing it to the other side of the vehicle. Pj connects their mouths together again. Chris moves his hands over and around Pj's torso, exploring it. Pj's still thinner than he should be. Chris is determined to change that in the future. He should be healthy.  He smiles against Pj's mouth when Pj gasps or moans.

Pj becomes incoherent, acting upon his base desires. His current one being his soulmate. He begins to paw at the bottom of Chris's shirt. Chris laughs and shakes his head at him. Lifting his arms up so that Pj can remove his shirt. Chris spots a small scar on Pj's neck, he puts his lips on it. He begins to suck on and kiss the residing skin. Pj squirms with the sensation. Chris can feel the cold metal of the van side against his back. He puts his arm around Pj, holding him in the same place whilst Chris moves. Continuing to kiss his neck.

'You really are stronger than you look.'

Chris puts him down on his back, he lays down on top of him. He moves his mouth away and looks back at his face.

'You complaining?' Chris puts his hands back on Pj's ass.

'Fuck no.'Chris laughs to himself.

'That's what I thought.'

Chris begins to focus on pulling down Pj's jeans. His hands clumsy. Pj helps him, Chris throws them over to where Pj's shirt resides. He returns his attention to Pj's body. He hand goes to the matching mark on Pj's thigh. Chris leans back until his head is on level with it, he kisses the skin. Pj moans. Chris moves back, until he's kneeling with Pj in front of him. Nearly naked. Want displayed in all of Pj's small motions and noises. As well as the apparent erection.

'You're kind of beautiful.' Pj laughs, rolling his head back onto the floor.

'Says yourself.' Chris shakes his head and smiles at him. 'Take your trousers off for fucks sake.' Pj commands, palming himself through his underwear.

'Okay fucking bossy boots.'

Chris stands up, pulling down his jeans with a swift motion. Throwing them onto the clothes pile.

'I don't see you complaining.' Pj teases.

'I'm not.'

'Good.'

They both laugh. Chris leans down, pressing kisses to Pj's body.He presses their bodies together. Pressure against Pj's cock makes him moan. The noise adds to Chris's arousal.

'Fuck Peej.'

'We're working up to that.'

Chris pushes his body up slightly, so he glare at Pj.

'That was fucking cliche Pj.'

Pj grins at him. 'I know. I'm proud.' Chris rolls his eyes and kisses him again.

'Fucking dork.'

'Correction, your fucking dork.'

Chris kisses his neck.

'I want a refund.'

'Fucking rude.'

Chris lowers his hand through out the talking. He slides it under Pj's underwear. He puts his hand around Pj's hard cock. Causing him to groan. Pj's hips buck upwards with the feeling of it. Chris begins to move his hand up and down.  Providing a rhythm of sensation. Pj squirms, moaning and groaning. Chris uses his other arm to keep him down, not so hard as to hurt him.

After a large groan, Pj chokes out words. 'Christopher, you're going to make me come in my pants.' He rolls his head back and moans again when Chris carries on.

Chris is just glad that he has a habit of collecting things. He moves his hand, and his arm. Pj whimpers.

'What? You want to be fucked don't you?' Pj makes a noise of assent.

Chris moves over to one of the boxes to the left. Second box down. He finds the lube quickly. He blows out the candle. Keeping the lamps on. He moves back over to Pj who's remained on the ground. He squirts some of the lube onto his hand. Using his other one to pull down Pj's underwear. Pj gasps at the temperature change around his cock. Chris smirks, drawing the process of lubing his hands out. Until Pj gets impatient, like he knew he would.

'Fuck me already!'

Chris rolls his eyes at his predictability. He finishes the process, speaking to him quickly.

'Are you sure you want this? We can wait if you want.'

'I want this. As long as you do.'

'I do.'

Chris puts one of his fingers into Pj. Pj cries out.He moves the one finger around, and adds a second one. Beginning a light scissoring motion. Chris puts his hand round Pj's cock, occasionally repeating the previous motions.

Pj rolls his head back too hard, hitting the metal. Chris laughs

'That hurt, you bitch.' Pj complains, an expression of bliss on his face. Chris has a small amount of pink in his cheeks and a smile on his face. Chris hits his sweet spot and Pj cries out.

'Sorry I laughed, Love.'

Despite the pleasure and Pj's thoughts being incoherent. The name still sticks out. He smiles.

'Love?'

'It suits you.'

Pj grins, despite having almost completely lost control of his body. His body having moved completely to impulse.

'I like it.' He chokes out.

Chris smiles at him. Turning his focus back to preparing him. Trying to ignore the need to attend to his own arousal, despite how much it aches. Pj's moans, sweet noises and movements, make it harder to ignore. Eventually, Chris can't take it anymore. He stretches Pj to the extent necessary. He pulls his fingers out, Pj whines at the feeling of being empty.

'I'm going to fuck you in a second sweetheart. Be patient.' Chris leans over Pj's body to kiss him once more of the lips. Pulling back to kneeling between Pj's legs. He stands up once more, pulling his underwear off. He turns to throw the clothing into the pile. Pj makes a noise of approval, causing Chris to turn around and glare at him. Making them both laugh.

Chris applies some more lubricant to his cock. Kneeling back down on the floor. He lifts up Pj's hips. He lines himself up. He pushes into Pj.

The feeling is both pleasurable and painful for Pj. For Chris, it is pleasure mixed with a slight worry, he doesn't want to hurt Pj. Chris gives Pj a second to adjust. Pj nods his assent. Chris begins to process of fucking him.

He pulls out and pushes back in. Causing Pj to gasp out loudly. Chris puts his hand around Pj's cock. Smirking at the expression on Pj's face. Sweat has attached the hair on Pj's head to his skin. The air is stuffed and sweaty. Chris finds the smell of Pj's sweat sensual, he likes it.

He repeats the process, building up a rhythm. Creating a musical piece of moans.

Pj comes close to the edge with two direct sources of pleasure.

'Chris I'm-' Chris pushes back in again, hitting his sweet spot. '-Oh fuck.'

Chris fucks him harder, having got the message. He feels a pooling in his stomach.

Pj comes with one more spout of pleasure from his prostate. He paints the skin on their stomachs. He cries out Chris's full name.

‘Christopher.’

He causes Chris to come too. Chris falls down onto his soulmate, exhausted.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj's sore but he doesn't care too much. Chris has cleaned them both up. The lamps are both off. He's in Chris's arms. Both of them having put on the least amount of clothes possible. Just as a precaution. Chris has opened one window slightly, just to air out the room. Pj smirks to himself at the memory of why the room has to be aired out. Granted, he's going to need to go back to the beach tomorrow and clean off, or have some sort of bath. But that was worth it.

He's not sure when he crosses the path between consciousness and sleep. But in his dreams, he's happy. The nightmares go away.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Light enters the van through the window in the front. It's patchy but enough to wake up Chris. The air is still stuffy from the night before. Chris reaches out and pulls Pj closer. He cups his clothed ass in his hand unintentionally. Smirking to himself. He shuts his eyes again and returns to resting.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The next morning they visit the sea once more. Feeling the need to wash once more while they still can. Chris shoots one single zombie on the way. The zombie had almost rotted into the ground. It'd been around for a long time, one of the oldest zombies Chris has ever seen. He finds himself having to stop himself from blocking Pj's view of it. Pj doesn't need protecting, though that's not going to stop Chris.

They get in the van and drive south. Next to his soulmate, all Chris can feel is hope. For the first time in a long time, he feels hope.


	2. Chapter 2

Chris and Pj have been travelling south for three days, making surprisingly good progress, but seeing no signs of life.

They only stop to sleep, raid stores and take down zombies.

Pj's sleeping in the front seat. He'd complained about not being able to sleep in Chris's lap several times. He finally fell asleep about an hour ago. The sun is bright and in the middle of the sky.

Chris smiles at Pj as his eyes slowly blink open.

'Morning Love.'

Pj groggily reaches forward to look at the time. He grasps the dashboard in order to steady himself.

'It's the afternoon.' Chris smirks at him. Pj frowns back, returning to sitting in his chair. 'What?' He questions.

'Nothing.' Chris laughs. 'You're just funny when you wake up.'

Pj rolls his eyes at him and shuts his eyes again.

'Shut up.'

'Never.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Good morning again Love.'

'Okay, it's definitely not morning this time.'

'No, you were only down half an hour that time. I feel like your bloody owner or something.'

'That's weird Chris.'

'No, you're right. If I owned you, I would have pulled over and fucked you half an hour ago.' Chris teases, smile on his face. ‘I’d probably keep you on a leash too.’

Pj smirks at Chris.

'Why don't you fuck me now?'

Chris smirks back. He moves the van over. Stopping in the furthest lane to the left. He checks behind and in front of the vehicle in his mirrors and finds no signs of life.

'Get in the back.'

'Gladly.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris climbs through back into his seat first. Holding out a hand to help Pj jump through the small gap between the seats.

Chris puts the van into drive and continues down the long road.

Pj keeps on moving from side to side in his seat, fidgeting.

'My butt hurts.' He whines, making Chris laugh.

'My work here is done.'

'There's more to life than my arse Chris.'

'You haven't had the full experience of your arse.'

'It's literally my arse-'

'-I'm not going to deny that there is more to life than your arse.' Chris turns to smile at Pj. 'Your eyes are pretty special too.'

'I think you have nice eyes Chris.'

'Your smile...'

'Your laugh...'

'Your lips...' Chris finally adds.

Chris abruptly stops the van and pulls Pj into a kiss. Pj runs his hand through Chris's hair. Allowing himself it, before pushing Chris away.

'Chris, if we keep on stopping. We'll never catch up to Phil.'

Chris nods, pulling away and returning to driving the car. He puts his foot down and the van begins to move again.

'There is stuff in the back you can use if your ass hurts that much.'

'I'm good, lets just get going.'

Chris smiles at Pj once more. 'Lets go.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'There's a village a couple of miles away.' Chris points out.

'Do you want to head that way?' Pj responds.

'Yeah, we should be able to find somewhere to sleep on the outskirts, maybe even a supermarket or something.' Chris retorts.

'We still have a couple hours of drive time.' Pj comments.

'It won't hurt to stop, plus we could use the supplies. We don't need to be running out any time soon.'

'Okay then.'

Chris smirks at him.

'Nothing else to say?'

Pj expels air and shakes his head.

'I'm honestly just happy to be with you.'

'-Awww-'

'Oh shut up you.' Pj swats Chris away. Chris is pretending to throw up.

'Don't get defensive Peej.' Chris turns to Pj, widening his eyes. 'Embrace the gay.'

Pj starts laughing, and finds that he can't stop.

'I never even had a gender preference you prick.' Pj wipes tears from his eyes.

'Me neither, though it doesn't surprise me that you're my soulmate.'

Pj smirks at him. 'Oh really?'

'Yeah.' Chris gestures to the entire of Pj's body with his hand. 'I'm all about this life.'

Pj starts laughing again.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The village is lifeless. Riots clearly occurred here. Windows are broken, houses are burnt to the ground. Chris is glad that their last food haul was so large. It doesn't look like there's any food here.

They hear a low moan, joined by an array of noise. A zombie hoard.

Chris looks over to Pj. Both of them locking eyes. Pj's face reverting to a pout of steel. Chris internally notes to tell him about that later, hopefully.

'They're behind that set of buildings.' Pj points.His hairs on end, just like his. Chris reaches out and puts his hand over the top of Pj's. He trusts Pj's hearing more than his own.

'I should be able to get up on the buildings and shoot them. Come kill things with me?' Chris attempts to smile. Pj returns the attempt with a sad smile of his own, he nods.

'Lets.'

Each of them jump out of their doors. Pj loads his gun and places it in his holster as he walks around the side of the van to Chris. Chris locks the door, happy for the convenient spot.

Chris loads his gun, safety on, into his holster. He grips his machete tight in his hand. Checking around him for threats constantly. Keeping Pj close.

They walk to the buildings. There's three. Only one is climbable. Chris puts his machete into his belt. Pj pushes Chris up onto the roof, Chris pulls him up, knowing how much he hates heights. Chris quickly checks the stability of the roof, finding it to be stable.

Chris turns to where the zombies should be. He doesn't expect them to be directly below him. He knows they've moved slightly, the noise isn't as loud as it should be. He expects them to be a short distance away, searching for their prey in empty field.

He doesn't expect them to have found it.

They're chasing after two distant figures. They don't seem to have a destination, running aimlessly to escape their death.

There's a problem.

'Peej, they're too far away. I can't kill the zombies without maybe killing them.'

Pj looks at him for a second, both of them searching for a solution. It's Pj that finds it.

'I can run to them and get them out of the way.' Chris's mouth opens to protest. 'It's the only option Chris.'

'There has to be another way.'

A scream from one of the figures confirms Pj's point of view.

'It's the only choice we have right now Chris.' Chris quickly nods.

'Run a circle. Come back here. I'll shoot them on foot to keep them away.'

Pj nods. He pulls them together, kissing him quickly.

They run to the edge of the roof. Chris lowering Pj to the ground.

Pj runs the second his feet touch the ground. Legs hitting the ground with unnatural speed, speed Chris still isn't used to, and speed Chris admires.

Chris jumps off the roof, hanging off the edge to break his fall.

He pulls out his gun, turns off the safety, and runs to the zombies.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj runs past the main body of zombies. He dodges one that tries to grab him.

The two distant figures are no longer distant. Both are male, neither of them seem to be injured, just weary and exhausted. They're holding each other's hands, trying to drag the other along. Pj runs around the side of them, running backwards to face them.

'Follow me.' He commands.

'Pj?' Shock registers in their voice. Pj takes a double look at the people.

He's aged, he's dirty, but it's definitely him. Pj stops running for a second in shock.

'Dan?' One zombie snarls loudly. Forcing Pj back into action. 'Okay, we'll talk later. Run!'

Dan pulls the other person along with him. Pj slows down, but still remains a distance ahead. They hear gunshots, Pj smiles. The other two look confused and scared, but continue to run. The shots urging them to a greater speed.

The zombies stop running after them. Pj thinks they must be going after Chris. He worries, but continues with the plan.

The building comes up in front of him. The two people following him are in no shape to climb up onto the roof. He pauses for a second, trying to find a solution. He smiles to himself, running up to the door. It's locked.

He shoots the lock. The door opens. He ushers the two people in before him. Shutting the door afterwards. The windows have been boarded up. The only risk is the now broken door. He keeps his gun out and aimed at it.

Dan and the other male catch their breath. They catch each others eyes, laugh and pull each other in for a hug.

'We're alive.' The other male utters, surprise and relief evident. Dan chuckles.

'We certainly are, you twit.' They pull out of the hug. Dan turns to face Pj. 'But how are you alive?'

Pj grins at him.

'Do you have no faith in me?'

Dan shakes his head at him, smiling. He takes a few steps and wraps his arms around him.

'It's fucking great to see you Pj.'

'Wait, is this  _the_  Pj?' The other male questions, eyes wide. Pj notices how he doesn't seem to blink much. Dan breaks the hug apart, facing the other male, he nods.

'I'm a  _the_  now?' Pj inquires, keeping his gun pointed at the door. The gunshots have stopped,the zombies keep on getting quieter.

'You traveled with Dan at the beginning.' The other male states. He walks towards Pj, Pj watches him. He has dark hair and blue eyes.

'He did.' Dan supplies, looking at the two of them. The other male nods at Dan.

The other male holds out a hand for Pj to shake.

Which is when Pj spots the feather on his wrist, intertwined with a rainbow of colours, the one he's so familiar with. He gasps.

'Hey Pj, I'm-'

'Phil.' Pj's mouth falls open. It molds its shape until it's a mad grin.

Dan and Phil exchange a look.

'How did you know my name?'

Pj smiles at Phil.

'You're in for a good day.'

Dan and Phil exchange another look.

'Okay?' Dan says, not breaking eye contact with Phil.

They hear another gunshot, and the zombie noises stop.

'That's my soulmate.' Pj supplies. Pj turns and opens the door, checking left and right of the door before he walks out. Dan and Phil follow him. Pj whispers to himself. 'Though, he might seem familiar.'

The three of them walk to the side of the building facing the field. The zombies lay in piles of black, sticky, dead blood. Chris is nowhere to be seen.

Pj breathes heavily. He searches for him, panic setting in.

'You better not be dead!' Pj shouts out. Concern seeping into his voice.

'Like I'd do that to you.' Pj turns to his right, finding the source of the noise. Phil gasps. Chris is leaning against the building wall. Pj and Chris smile at each other. Chris walks over quickly, and wraps his arms around Pj. Pj holds him back.

'You scared me.'

'Sorry.' They kiss quickly. Before Pj remembers what his damn priorities should be. Pj breaks away. Grabbing Chris's hand to keep him close.

'I've got a surprise for you.'

Chris raises his eyebrows at him.

'What?' He asks, confused.

'I thought you would be dead.' Phil interjects with awe.

Chris's head whips around at the speed of a bullet, eyes going wide. He searches up and down Phil's body once. Eyes coming to rest on Phil’s face. Tears begin to roll down Phil's face.

'I thought I'd never see you again.' Chris responds, just as gently.

The two run at each other; falling into each others arms, ending up kneeling on the ground.

Dan has a face of confusion. Pj smiles.

Phil is in full floods of tears. Chris is laughing.

'Oh, great, now I look like an idiot.' Phil laughs out. Chris giggles.

'You're never an idiot Philly.'

'Don't call me Philly, Chris.' Phil insists.

'Don't tell me what to do.' Chris retorts.

Both of them laugh, Chris wipes at Phil's tears with his thumbs.

'I missed you. So much.'

'I missed you too.' They pull each other in for another hug. 'I got your note, where’s the fucking lion?' Phil laughs.

'We were on our way back to the beach, maybe if you’d been slower, we could have met there.’

Chris frowns.

'You said you were with a group.'

Phil nods. 'It's a long story. Tell you later.'

Chris accepts it and nods. 'I found my person with the matching flowers Phil.'

'Really? I thought you were just making out for the giggles.'

Chris blows out a laugh. 'If you think that's making out, you've got another thing coming.'

'Ew.'

'It's completely natural.'

'So's lard.'

'Don't sass me Mr.' They both laugh.

'I'm so sorry Chris.' Chris detects the deeper meaning of the words. ‘I hurt you because I was hurting. I nearly lost you.’ Chris looks into Phil's eyes. The eyes he grew up with.

‘You don’t need to be sorry-’

‘Yes I do.’ They two of them lock eyes for a second. Continuing conversation there. ‘Chris I-’

‘Don’t Phil.’ Chris says, eyes losing their light. He leans forward, whispering into his ear ‘Not now. Later. Please’

Phil pulls away and frowns at him. Chris sadly smiles back. He goes back to pretending..

Chris stands up. Pulling Phil up afterwards. Chris pulls him in to hug again.

'So you're Chris?' Dan asks. An unsure smile on his face.

'I might be. I could be. Do we ever truly know who we are Daniel?.' Chris responds. Phil and Pj roll their eyes at him. ‘You are Dan right?’ Chris asks, Dan nods.

'He is Chris.' Pj supplies. Dan frowns.

'Wait, this is really weird.' Dan hesitates. 'Like, I knew Peej.' Dan points between Phil and Chris. 'And you knew each other.'

Chris shrugs in response.

'Let's not freak ourselves out over fate...or chance...or whatever the fuck.' Chris puts his hand on Dan's shoulder as he walks past him. He walks backwards. 'Let's go to the van. I've got blood in my mouth again.'

Pj walks straight after him.

'That's the sixth time you've had that happen since we met.'

'Maybe I like things in my mouth.' Chris holds out his hand for Pj to take. Pj snorts out laughter.

'You're the fucking worse.'

'I'm the fucking best and you know it.'

They head to the van. Dan and Phil exchange a look.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan reaches out and takes his hand.

‘Are you okay?’ Phil asks, swallowing.

‘Are you?’ Dan responds with force. Phil nods, slowly.

‘I think so. He seems different.’

‘That might be a good thing.’ Phil laughs, it’s short and desperate.

‘I’m just glad he’s alive. I didn’t think he would be.’

A second of silence.

‘He’s hiding something, isn’t he?’ Dan asks.

‘It’s Chris. He always is.’

‘Do you think he’ll tell you?’

‘I don’t know.’ Phil looks at the floor. ‘I thought I always would just know, that's how it was growing up.’

‘We should go and find out.’ Dan says. Phil looks back up at his face, eyes shocked and confused.

'Are you okay with this?' Phil asks.

'They're not exactly threatening Phil. Plus, he's your soulmate.' Phil nods in response.

'I love you.'

'I love you too, come on.' Dan pulls slightly on the connection between the two of them, helping Phil into following Chris and Pj to the van.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris is happily chewing on some gum to get the taste of dead blood out of his mouth. They're standing outside of the van.

'So where are we actually heading?' Dan asks.

'We were just looking for somewhere to park up for the night when we heard the zombies.' Pj answers.

'We can find somewhere safe, and then talk about what to do next.' Chris adds, eye contact with Phil being kept.

'We stayed in an old house with a garage last night. It had solar panels so the water still worked. It's about an hour away.' Phil contributes, extremely animated. Pj's eyes widen. Chris smiles.

'If you can remember the way, we'll head there.' Chris responds.

'I remember it.' Dan has a small smile on his face.

'I'd probably end up taking us the other way. It's probably best Dan does directions.' Phil admits.

Chris starts laughing.

'Do you remember that one time you were meant to be driving me to an exam and you took me on the scenic route and I ended up being two hours late?'

Phil starts laughing too.

'You were getting stressed out and I was just pointing out the pretty flowers.'

'Didn't you try to buy me a hamster as a way of saying sorry?'

Phil nods. 'I really just wanted an excuse to get a hamster.'

'The lease said no pets.'

'I would have been subtle.'

'You wouldn't have and you fucking know it Phil'

'Oh shush.'

They grin at each other. The earlier tension present but ignored. Chris turns.

'We have a problem though.' Chris remarks to the group.

'What?' Dan asks.

'There's only two seats.'

'That's not a problem.' Phil smiles. 'Hey Pj, want to van surf with me?'

'Van surf?' Pj queries with a smile on his face. Phil goes to the back of the van and opens the door, gesturing for Pj to follow him.

'You'll pick it up as you go.' Phil steps in. Pj shoots a look at Chris and follows him. Dan goes around the back of the van, shuts the doors for them. He runs the short distance, opens the passenger door and sits in his seat. Chris walks to the passenger door, jumps up and puts the keys in.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil grabs onto Pj's shoulders, a hand on each.

'Okay, rule one of van surfing is-'

'-You don't talk about van surfing club!' Chris breaks in.

'Thanks for that Chris. Number one is that you have to try and stand up.'

'That sounds dangerous.' Pj remarks.

'Phil and I are thrill seekers. We did this all the time. ' Chris responds.

'It's been months since I've seen the van. I missed it.' Phil says.

'The van missed you.'

Phil taps the metal wall.

'I'm calling it Susan.'

'I was thinking  _'The Fucktruck'_  but yeah, Susan.' Chris smiles. Dan watches with a concealed laugh. Slightly concerned for Phil's safety and curious about Chris.

'Rule two! Don't break anything! Rule three, if you stay down for more than thirty seconds, you lose.'

'Do we have a timer?'

'We just count on our fingers like the cavemen did.'

Pj laughs once, thinks it through, and laughs harder.

'We ready to go?' Chris asks, smile plastered on his face.

'Yep, don't do anything mean. He's only a beginner.' Phil responds.Chris laughs. He begins to drive, slower than he normally would. He goes in a straight line.

'Who thought this up?' Pj laughs.

'Chris used to drive and I'd be in the back doing this. We took it in turns.'

'This was pre-apocalypse by the way.'

'How did you have a van pre-apocalypse?'

Phil sucks in breath. Waiting for Chris to be hurt at the question. Readying himself to smooth things over.

'It was my dad's. We messed about with it as teenagers.'

Phil breaths out when he realizes that he doesn’t need to.

Chris speeds up slightly. Pj puts his hand on the wall.

'No! That's cheating!' Pj pulls it away and puts it up, pretending to surrender. Pj puts his feet far apart, moving his torso to remain balanced.

'I was in a band when I was a teenager, no vans involved. We were shit.' Pj adds. Chris laughs.

'I was in an acting group.' Dan says. Chris's eyebrows shoot up.

'You were an actor too?' Chris questions. Dan frowns.

'He has the same middle name as you too.' Phil shouts. Chris slightly turns the steering wheel. Making both of the people in the back lose their balance and laugh. Phil ends up on the ground. He quickly picks himself back up. Chris carries on driving.

'That's weird Phil.' Chris shouts.

'Oh, don't worry. I know.' Phil retorts, laughing at himself.

Chris turns to Dan.

'What way Daniel James?'

'It's Daniel James Howell if you must. Go left.'

'Oh frick, LEFT!' Phil shouts.

Chris makes the turn without braking.

A large amount of laughter from the back occurs. They both end up on the floor. Dan starts counting on his fingers

'I'm pretty sure I just kissed Phil.' Pj giggles even more. 'And I think I broke my knee.'

Phil has a quick look at it. 'He's fine folks.'

'It hurts. Kiss it better?' Pj jokes. Both of them dissolving into laughter.

'You're both out.' Dan chimes in, holding up his hands to prove it.

A chorus of disappointed noises come from the back, among the giggling.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj and Phil decide to play again. Both of them imitating surfers. Laughing at each other. Laughing when Chris or Dan interject.

Pj can understand how Chris and Phil work. They're two sides of the same coin. Pj doesn't think it would be possible for him to love one and not the other. Though Dan seems to be doing a good job of keeping his distance from Chris.

Chris turns the wheel quickly and lightly. Just enough to knock Phil off balance. Pj was watching and had time to prepare. Phil hits the ground and laughs. Not being able to mold his muscles into moving back up. Pj finds himself unable to control his body from laughing. Falling to the ground too.

'Are you okay Phil?' Pj asks through the laughter, rolling on the floor, or with the floor.

'Yeah. I feel like I'm being thrown about by a team of dragons.' He stutters out.

Pj laughs again. A question pops into his mind. 'Would you rather have a dragon or be a dragon?'

'Oh, I think have a dragon.'

'Why?'

'Because then I'd still be Phil but I could be like 'Look at my amazing dragon! They kill zombies for me!' but if you are a dragon, you're just going to kill things.'

Pj nods at him in understanding. He pulls himself up so that he's stable and sitting. Phil copies him, sitting opposite to him.

'What kind of dragon?' Dan inquires from the front.

'Huh?' Chris adds. Feeling like it's a solid contribution. Dan turns to face Chris.

'Because if it's a stupid dragon, I might not want to be one. It depends on the fictional universe. If I was like Smaug and I could be incredibly intelligent and you know, be just as conscious as a human and then fly. I see no advantage to being a human-'

'You'd probably get shot down by the queen.' Phil interrupts.

'Phil, if you could have the brain and consciousness of a human but in the body of a dragon! Why would you just want to own a dragon?'

'Because the queen would kill you, with a shotgun.' Phil shouts back, laughing.

'You could be a good dragon. There's good dragons out there.'

'I would say there's no dragons out there but you know, zombies weren't real until they were.' Chris interjects.

'Good points but I'm now picturing the queen wielding a shotgun shooting down a dragon.' Pj says back. Phil laughs as Pj mimics gun. 'Tally Ho!'

'What would you do Pj?' Phil asks, genuinely curious. Pj ponders over the question for a second.

'I love the idea of flying and I have had some amazing flying dreams-'

'-Peej, you're scared of heights.' Chris butts in.

'If I could fly, I wouldn't have to be. It's a tough question. I think right now, I would pick have a dragon.'

'That's more convenient for sex.' Chris smirks.

'Chris!' Pj and Phil shout in sync. Dan laughs.

'I'm just telling the truth.' Chris grins. Dan carries on laughing. Dan seems to be becoming slightly more comfortable with everyone. Phil smiles when he realizes this.

'What would your dragon call be?' Phil asks Pj. Phil makes various reptilian noises until Pj responds.

'I wouldn't need to call, I would just telepathically think 'Dragon I need you.' and it would come flying to be my savior. If I fell off a cliff, I would just think 'Dragon I need you!' and it would swoop in and grab me.'

'I like how your dragon is called dragon.' Phil responds.

'What would you call your dragon?'

'Flint or maybe Sylvester.'

It takes Chris a second to understand.

'Sylvester fucking Lester. Really Phil?' Chris snorts.

'I think it's catchy.' Phil smiles up to the chair that contains Chris, even though Chris can't see him.

'I think we're all getting a little bit too involved with the dragon questioning.' Dan points out.

'Dan, you went on a rant about Smaug.' Phil points out.

'You were also the only one that picked being the dragon. Which would be inconvenient for Phil.' Chris adds.

Dan laughs. 'Because my entire existence is for Phil's convenience.'

'It is, you all just don't know it yet.' Phil remarks.

'Oh god, we're becoming aware.'  Chris exclaims.

'I'm going to have to drug you up so you forget.' Phil turns and smiles at Pj. 'Starting with Pj.' He jumps across the small space. Pretending to hold a rag over Pj's mouth. Pj plays along, kicking his legs out dramatically and slowly lessening the movement. He pries away Phil's hand.

'Avenge me.' He whispers, finally going limp in Phil's arms, shutting his eyes. Phil keeps his hand over Pj's mouth whilst he laughs. Pj opens his eyes and smiles up at him. He sticks his tongue out, against Phil's hand.

'Ew! He licked me!' Phil shouts, drawing his hand away whilst he laughs.

Phil attempts to rub the palm of his hand onto Pj's face.

Pj screams slightly, fighting to get away, and failing.

'Gross!'

'You started it!'

The two continue to bicker in the back.

'Are these two seriously my soulmates? Fuck me.' Chris puts his palm on his face, hiding his smile. Dan lightly smiles too.

'We have to take a right in a second.' Dan says loudly so Pj and Phil can prepare for it.

'Hold on!'

'They'll never take me alive!'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They arrive at the house twenty minutes latter. Dan says he can't see any change. Chris opens the back of the van to let Pj and Phil out. He nearly falls to the ground laughing when he sees them.

'What the fuck are you doing?'

'We're in protection burritos'

Both of them are wrapped in blankets. Only their faces and the tops of their heads exposed.

'Oh of course you are. How can I have been mistaken?'

Neither of them make an effort to move. Chris glares at them both, laughing through it.

'You have to get out guys.'

'But it's so warm.' Phil whines. Pj nodding along with him.

Chris rolls his eyes at the both of them. Dan is checking the house for them. Pj and Phil don't really have to do anything.

'Fine. I'll build the barricade by myself.' He points between them both. 'And this might be the nicest thing I've ever done, don't abuse this.'

Chris hears laughter and steps out of the van, jumping slightly. He pulls down and pushes the garage door. He finds some car parts, an entire engine. He places them all together in a box and heaves it in front of the door. He pushes a water cooler in front of the door. As well as a broken washing machine. He walks the short distance to the back of the van, rubbing pain from his hands. The door directly in front of Chris opens. He gets ready to defend himself and relaxes himself again.

Dan walks back into the garage.

'There's no sign of life. Water still works.' Chris nods.

'Does this mean I can have a bath?' Pj shouts from the back of the van.

Dan huffs out a laugh. Walking to the back of the van 'Yes you ca-' Dan wheezes out laughter. 'What are you doing?' He questions.

'Protection burritos.' Phil says, smiling at Dan.

Dan blinks, raises his hand, looks at the ceiling, pulls a face, and returns to normal.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'I think that having a bath with you might be one of the best things I've ever experienced.'

'Well you did just orgasm so.' Pj shrugs. Chris shrugs in response.

'I'm a simple man.'

Pj starts laughing. Chris smacks his clean ass,  before they walk back to the van.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Pj! Burrito with me!'

Pj runs to Phil's side. Catching the blankets Phil throws at him. Wrapping them around himself, wiggling into them. Solar lamps keep the area alight. Chris scoffs and rolls his eyes at them.

'I'm completely content in my happy little burrito.' Pj sings. He turns to Chris. 'And you're not.'

'Dan refused too, they don't know a good deal when they see one.' Phil adds.

Dan laughs. 'If we get attacked right now, what will the two of you do?'

Pj and Phil exchange a look. Both of them turning to face Dan.

'We'll die happy.' Pj says slowly and straight faced.

Chris laughs so hard that he has to punch a wall to keep some self control.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan and Phil have a bath after them. Chris is trying to not get images.

He passes the time with Pj's lips. Slightly annoyed when Dan and Phil come back and he has to stop kissing him. They eat. They've almost finished their stock of food. With the cans in the house, the stock is replenished slightly. Chris notes that they'll have to do a store raid soon. Which should be easier with the four of them.

The four of them.

Chris finds that weird.

It's a good weird.

The sun has been down for a few hours. The stone walls of the garage suck the heat away. They're sitting in the back of the van.

'You know, you're going to have to let me into that burrito soon right.'

'You could have been in it from the beginning.'

Chris rolls his eyes at Pj. 'Move over.'

Pj opens the burrito. Chris shuffles next to him. Pj redoes the burrito, including the both of them.

'You're cold.' Pj complains.

'You're warm.' Chris smirks. Pj laughs slightly.

'You're lucky I like you.' Pj turns his face into Chris's neck.

'I know.' Chris smiles down at Pj. 'You're probably going to fall asleep there aren't you?'

Chris can hear a 'Yup' said against his skin and chuckles.

Chris looks back up at Dan and Phil. Shaking his head and smiling.

'So where are we heading tomorrow?'

Dan and Phil exchange a look.

'I want to find our group.' Phil says determinedly.

'Phil, we don't know what happened there.' Dan responds.

'I know. And I agreed that it would have been silly to try and find out with just the two of us. But there's four now, we could find them...'

'Find who?' Chris asks. Looking solely at Phil to explain.

'We were travelling with Zoe and Louise, as you know.' Chris nods.

'And?'

'And when they came to pick us up from the beach. Everything was okay. That night when we stopped to form camp. Dan and I left the group for about-' Phil looks at Dan. 'Half an hour?' Dan nods. Phil turns back to Chris. 'Half an hour.'

'What happened?'

'We don't know. When we got back, nobody was there. But all the cars and stuff were still there. It was like they'd vanished.'

'That's weird.' Chris can feel Pj change his position on his shoulder.

'What did you two do?' Pj asks.

'We grabbed a car, which eventually ran out of petrol, and left. We looked first, obviously.' Dan answers.

'Was there anything there that wasn't there before?' Pj questions further.

Dan frowns.

'Nothing I could see.' He replies. 'Though, it was dark, might have missed it.'

'If we want to find them, Peej and I will have to see the site. We might find something you two missed.' Chris comments. Pj nods tucking himself back up into Chris's side. Chris smiles at him.

'Who does the guitar belong to?' Dan asks, gesturing with his head to the instrument strapped on top of the boxes.

Chris puts his lips to the top of Pj's head.

'His.' He whispers. Dan makes a noise of apprehension.

'Is he good?' Phil questions. Chris huffs out a smile.

'Very.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The group sit in silence for a while.

Chris catches Phil's eye in the lamp light. Phil's smiling at him, squinting slightly.

'I've never seen you like this.' Phil whispers, even though they can all hear him. Chris laughs at him.

'I'll have you know I'm a kind soul-'

'None of your shit Chris. I know you're a kind soul.' Phil interrupts. 'I know you are. In fact, I thought I knew best.' Phil smiles, looking at Pj. Who is paying no attention to the conversation. 'I've never seen you be as kind to someone else as you've always been to me.'

Chris laughs. 'You were always as nice to other people as you were to me.'

'I like being nice. What's the point in being mean? It's not gotten anyone anywhere.' Phil responds.

'It's the apocalypse, sometimes we have to be mean.'

'We shouldn't have to be.'

'I know Phil.' Chris looks down at the top of Pj's head. 'Is he asleep?' Chris asks.

Phil rolls forward in his blankets. He analyzes Pj for a second, turns, looks at Chris and nods.

'I think so.' He returns to his place next to Dan. Dan has been watching them interact closely.

'He can fall asleep anywhere. I don't think he's had enough sleep for fucking years.' Chris laughs, fondly. He runs a hand over the top of Pj’s hair. He looks back at Phil. 'I tried to be nice. But nice gets you killed sometimes Phil. And I want to live, I want to live a life with both of you.'

'Not  _for_  us anymore?' Phil asks, smiling. Chris frowns at him.

'I'm surprised you remember that.'

'It was one of the last things you said to me before we got split up Chris. It stuck with me.' Chris can hear the lasting pain in Phil's voice.

'I'm sorry Phil.'

'Don't be. I failed you.' Phil reaches out for Chris's hand. Taking the arm with their matching mark on. 'I should have helped you. I was pushing too hard. You were falling apart and I barely even noticed.'

'I'm still sorry Phil.'

'Don't be. Please don't be.' Phil gives him the little smile he grew up with. Chris catches himself returning it. 'Instead of apologizing, you can answer a question for me.'

'Okay?'

'You have to be honest.' Phil orders.

'Alright.' Chris breathes with the word.

'How are you Chris?' Phil utters, lights in his eyes brightening.

Chris blinks at the question. Swallows.

'Better. Better than I've been for a long time. Before the apocalypse, everything was already  _so_ much. Then the apocalypse happened and everything fell apart. I think including me.' He listens to Pj's breathing for a second. 'It's his fault I feel better.' Chris gestures to his chest with his free hand. 'I feel sort of like I'm rebuilding. Like I'm living for me again.'

'That's good right?' Phil nods slightly as he asks the question.

'I've not been living for me for years Phil. I'm not sure I ever have been. It's fucking brilliant.'

Phil squeezes his hand before letting it go.

'I truly am sorry Chris.'

'It was your way of dealing Phil. We all needed ways. It was just mine was not dealing with it.' Chris laughs. Phil looks at him with sad eyes.

'Chris, don’t joke about this. You tried to kill yourself. It’s not funny.'

_'What?'_

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj jumps away from where he'd been resting on Chris's neck, watching Chris’s face.

Chris looks at the floor. Phil looks at Chris. It all clicks into place.

'You didn't tell him?'

Chris looks up at Phil. 

'How could I Phil?'

'Pretty easily actually Chris.' Pj answers, bitterly laughing.

'Phil, can you handle this?' Chris begs, looking into Phil's eyes.  'Please?' Phil sighs.

'He deserves more than that, Chris.' Phil responds, Pj watches the interaction with disbelief. He wants to shout, scream but his body won’t let him.

'I know he does.' Chris pushes himself out of the blankets. He walks towards the doors of the van, pushing one open. He slams it behind him without a second look. 'So much better.' He whispers.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The door shuts. Pj still can't move. Reading his face, Phil tries to calm him.

'Pj, I wouldn't have let him go if he wasn't genuinely better.'

Pj feels like he should be crying, doing something at least.

'What happened?' Pj demands.

'What did he tell you?'Phil questions.

'When did he try to-'

'After the zombies.' Phil answers, he looks up and reconsiders himself. 'During the zombies.'

'He told me that you were in France at the beginning. So the note was written in French.' Phil nods.

'That's true.'

'Then you got back here and you went home. You couldn't find anybody alive.' Pj states.

'Did he say that we found people dead?' Phil probes.

'He said that he found his parents and your dad.'

Phil grimaces. 'Still telling the truth.'

'And then you guys set out to try and find your friends. He said you couldn't find any, and you fell out. During one of the falling outs you got separated.' Pj frowns when Phil nods.

Phil lets out a small huff of air.

'Classic Chris.'

'What?'

'He didn't lie to you. He just didn't tell you the whole truth.'

'What's going on Phil?' Pj begs.

'I'm getting there.' Phil turns to face Dan. 'Can you go and check on him for me? He shouldn't be alone. It was stupid for me to be so upfront with this.'

'It wasn't stupid Phil. Peej should have known.' Dan retorts.

'I'd like to know now thanks.' Pj reminds the two.

‘Come find us after.’ Dan states..

‘I love you.’

‘I love you too.’

Dan smiles, grabs his gun, opens the door and closes it gently.

'Pj, you know Chris right?'

'I think so. Not as much as I'd like too yet.'

'Chris was...different. Before the apocalypse.'

'We all were.'

'No, I mean.- I think-' Phil chokes. 'Actually, I get what he was talking about. This is hard to say and it's not even my story.'

Pj sighs, his shoulders slouch further. There are tears welling behind his eyes. He's sick of this.

'Phil, please just tell me.'

Phil stares at Pj for a few seconds,  before swallowing.

'It was two days before we got separated, we'd just lost another lead to try and find my brother. I'd gone on this massive talk about how we'd find him and how we would find somewhere safe. I don't think I looked at him once during it. And we'd been let down so many times. Chris gave up, told me it was 'bullshit'. I had a go at him and stormed off for an hour.'

Pj can see tears behind Phil's eyes. He can feel them behind his own.

‘Tell me...’ Pj begs. ‘Please.’

'I came back. I-I-I...' Phil looks into Pj's eyes. He then closes his own so he doesn't have to see the reaction. 'I couldn't find him around the van. We were staying in this house and I thought-' Phil laughs bitterly. 'I thought he must be looking for supplies, so I went and checked.'

'What did you find?'

'I found him hanging from a light fixture Pj. He was going blue.' Phil stutters over a breath, opening his eyes. Pj looks a form of devastated. Phil deeply breaths in. 'I ran and grabbed his feet. That fucking machete of his was on the floor. I cut him down with it. He was unconscious. I put him over my shoulder and locked him in the back of the van. I took away all the guns and stuff as well. I only put them in the front but panicked Phil decided that was a good idea.'

Pj feels sick to his core. He can picture it all so vividly.

'Why did he do it?' Pj's voice cracks, it's a beg. 

'I never completely understood. I barely had time to, it's been months now. He's still here.' Phil sees Chris's face as he tells the story. How Chris opened his eyes, the pain in them, the offended look about his ow heart still beating. 'He woke up about half a day later, he started sobbing. Full on sobbing.' Phil's voice cracks slightly. 'I'd never seen him cry like that. Never.'

Pj has a different memory.

'I've seen him cry over you.' Pj whispers. 

Phil shakes his head. 'Not the same. He was talking about how hopeless he felt and how sick he was of living for me. I remember that.  _For_  me.  I remember that he sobbed into my shoulder for what felt like hours. This entire side of Chris just pouring out. All this guilt. I'd always assumed I was the more emotional one, but it was Chris. I just didn't now until it was too late. He fell asleep. I let him sleep. I went outside and panicked for ages. I went back in the van. When I woke up, we were surrounded by zombies. I didn't wake Chris up to fight them. I just went out. It was the most stupid decision I ever made. We got separated. And you know the rest.'

They sit in silence for a second.

'Then why is he still here?'

'I thought he wasn't. I think he felt guilty. Like he had to live for me or something. then he had to live for you. He says he wants to live for him now.'

'You saved his life.' Pj utters.

Phil's eyes widen. 'No. No, not even for a second. Chris saved himself.' Phil laughs to himself. 'I nearly let him slip out of my fingers. He saved himself.'

Another pause.

Pj still feels sick. The news, the shock, the past danger. He can't imagine Chris being in that much pain. He can't let his soulmate feel that.

'I love him.' Pj realizes. Phil smiles.

'He's easy to love. Always has been. Since we were kids.  We just have to work on letting him know that.'

'Can we go find him?' Pj smiles slightly at Phil. Feeling heavier and lighter at once.

'Of course. You don't need to be so polite Pj.'

'Call me Peej.' They smile at each other.

'Let's go find them Peej.'

Pj stands up. Pulling Phil after up after him. Phil opens the van door. Pj steps through.

He hears the clang of metal, turning around to see a canister on the ground with gas pouring out of it.

He hears himself shout Chris's name before he hits the ground.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Phil told me what you tried to do two days after he met me.'

Chris smiles. He's sitting in the corner of an empty room with faded wall paper. He'd almost cut his hand open on glass whilst he slid down the wall. Dan is standing in the door frame. Gun in hand.

'Sounds like him.'

'I guess I'm just glad I realized he was my soulmate straight away. He had his arm showing when he put the gun in my face.' Dan comments. Chris laughs.

'It was only Pj and I that took a while to figure out. I don't even remember meeting Phil. My mum got it on camera. I was about six months old and he was nearly two. They put me into his arms and he was concentrating so hard on not dropping me that he banged our heads together and I cried.' Dan chuckles.

'Nice one Philly.' Dan comes and sits next to him.

'You call him Philly too?'

'Only because he told me you called him that to annoy him, so I started annoying him for you.' Dan admits. Chris giggles.

Chris takes a deep breath. 'Nice pair of soulmates Phil's got.'

'I'm more concerned about your soulmates.' Dan shakes his head and laughs. 'Fucking protection burritos.'

'They keep things fresh.'

'Bless their little cotton socks.'

Both of them chuckle into darkness. The laughter turns back into silence.

'Do you hate me?' Chris asks.

Dan shakes his head.

'How could I? Phil loves you.'

'You're not the same person as Phil.'

'I know.' Dan nods to himself. 'I hated you a little bit to begin with, for what you did to him.'

Dan swears that even in the faint moonlight, he can see Chris turn paler.

'I wasn't thinking about him.' Chris admits.

'I know. I just hate the fact that Phil's in pain and I can't stop it.'

'He doesn't expect you to stop it Dan.' Chris looks over at Dan. 'Your job is to make it better.'

'Our job.' Dan corrects.

'Huh?'

'You said your. It's our job to make it better.'

Chris laughs, and he laughs. It turns manic. It turns into tears.

'I think I fucked that one up enough already don't you?'

Dan's eyes go wide with shock. 'Chris, he doesn't blame you.'

'How can he not? I tried to die and leave him alone. He fucking found me! How is he ever going to look at me and not see me with a rope around my neck?' Chris puts a hand against his throat. Dan pulls it away gently. Looking at Chris's tear filled eyes. He pulls his hand away and back into his lap.

'He's going to look at you and see all the good times Chris.'

'Bullshit.'

'Chris, He doesn't understand. He might not ever get it. Some people just don't.'

Chris frowns at him. He blinks.

'Do you understand?'

'I never wanted to die myself.' Dan pulls down his shirt sleeve, showing his soul mark, the one that Chris has seen so many times on Phil. A round circle, unsure of whether it's a moon or a sun. It looks like both simultaneously. 'I always had this to hold on to. Growing up, I had a friend. I never even thought they were sad. They didn't have any soulmarks. That's what made them different. They got bullied, badly. But we always thought he was fine. One day we came into school, and we found out he'd... I made an effort to understand after that.'

Chris gives Dan a second to recollect, to ache for his past.

'What was he called?'

'Charlie. He's probably somewhere better.'

Chris smiles. 'He probably knew what was coming. Thought he'd die earlier to avoid the queues.'

Dan starts laughing. 'God, do you remember queuing?'

'I know. Fuck queuing, I should have been eating as much fast food as possible, before they all shut the fuck down.'

'Now we're the fast food.'

'No, Pj's the fast food. Have you seen that boy run? We're the follow behind awkwardly food.'

Dan huffs out his amusement, it turns into a proper laugh. Chris looks over at him and grins. 

The laughter dies again.

'Why didn't you tell him Chris?'

Chris sadly smiles. He hugs his own body.

'I just wanted someone to not think I'm broken. I was going to tell him, but it never seemed right. I mean, I was sleeping next to him. When's the the right moment to turn around and say  _'Hey, by the way, I attempted suicide two months ago.'_  It's impossible.'

'It's understandable.’ Dan pauses. ‘You still should have told him.'

'I know Daniel James, I know.'

_'Chris!'_

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris jumps up and runs. Dan is seconds slower. Running an arms reach behind him. Chris nearly falls down the stairs. He bolts around the corner.

The garage door is surrounded by mist. He feels an hand on each of his shoulders, pulling him back.

Chris turns sharply. 'Dan what the fu-'

'We don't know what that is. If we run, we could get him killed.' Dan argues. 

Chris feels venomous. 'It'll be _both_ of them. We barricaded the doors, what the fuck is going on?'

Dan swallows and nods.

'The front way. We'll try and get to them through the other doors.' Dan answers.

They run the opposite way, through the house. Dan nearly runs into a wall in the darkness.

They can see lights through one of the yellowed windows. Flashlights.

Chris turns around and pushes Dan onto the floor. Throwing his self down after. Dan tries to get back up. Chris places a hand on each of his shoulders, forcing him to stay down.

A light beam passes through the window above their heads.

Someone begins to talk.

'Dan must not be here.' A female voice. It’s familiar to Chris. Chris looks up and at Dan's face. Dan's eyes are wide and his breathing heavy.

'How do they know your name?' Chris demands with a whisper. Dan shakes his head furiously.

'I don't know.' He murmurs in response.

'Good.' One of the people outside states with a lower range. A male voice. Dan lets out a gasp. 'If he's not here, she can't hurt anyone for us not finding him.' They hear a thud. 'I didn't remember Phil being that heavy.'

'The other guy was light.' The female responds.

A seconds pause, the torches go out.

'Lets head back. We can't be gone too long. '

'I know.' She sounds almost sad, Chris notes.

Chris can't hear any noise that would indicate movement.

'I really don't want to take them Zoe.’ Chris gasps now, the owner’s of the voices clicking. He forces himself to stay on the ground. Nobody can be trusted anymore, even old friends. ‘Phil's not done anything wrong. The other guy probably hasn't either.'

'Me neither Joe, but we have to. She won't hurt them.'

'For Caspar.'

'For Louise.'

Dan and Chris hear doors slam. Chris peeks up and out of the window.

'Fuck, they're in a car. We need to get back to the van and follow them.' Chris commands.

Dan pushes himself up and off the floor. Both of them running full speed towards the garage. They make it to the van. Phil and Pj aren't there, but Chris didn't expect them to be. The gas has mostly dissipated, it still makes Chris drowsy.  Dan shuts the back door whilst Chris unlocks the van and gets the engine running. Dan runs to the passenger seat, slamming the door behind him.

Chris drives at the same speed as the people a short distance ahead. He keeps the van's lights off. He directs himself using the brake lights of the other vehicle.

'It's Joe and Zoe.' Dan says, sounding shocked.

'I know.' Chris responds.

‘How?’ Dan demands.

‘I went to university with Zoe.’

Dan nods quickly and with urgency.

'They were in the missing group, that's how they knew Phil and I, but not Pj.'

‘They can’t have been following us.' Chris gathers.

'They weren't looking for you Chris, only me.' Dan adds, Chris nods.

'Because they think I’m dead?’ Dan nods. ‘Why did they take them?' Chris questions.

'I don't know. ' Dan says. Chris huffs out air at the expected answer.

'They didn't sound like they wanted to.'

'Why don't we just shoot them down?' Dan asks, looking ahead at the vehicle which contains his soulmate.

'That would be stupid. They might have more of that gas.' Dan nods.

'What are we going to do?' Chris is stunned by the question. His mind racing with things they can't do. Separating the stupid and the plausible.

'I don't know. But I'm getting them back..'

'How?'

'I'll do anything. For them Dan, I'm not above dying.' Chris speeds up slightly. Staying a distance from the car ahead but remaining close enough to not lose them

'That wouldn't make them happy Chris.' Dan adds.

'I know. But believe me, I would.'

'Chris?'

'Yeah?'

'Me too.'

Chris laughs in his panicked state.

'We have to get them back Dan.'

Dan pauses for a second, both of them watching the vehicle.

'We will.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They're driving down a dirt road. Giant trees reside either side of the van and car in front. The night sky bares down on them. Dan occasionally looks away from the vehicle containing Phil and grimaces at the surroundings.

Dan squints into the distance.

'There's lights ahead.' Dan points out. He can feel his heart beat getting louder.

'Fuck.'

'There's a gate.'

_'Fuck.'_

Chris and Dan watch as the car ahead of them stops.

Several seconds later, a light changes on the gate, the gate opens, the car goes through. The gate locks itself afterwards. They see the car containing the people they love go around a corner and out of sight. The fence and gate are tall and covered in barbed wire. There's no way they could climb them, Chris can tell that from this distance.

'What are we going to do?' Dan demands.

'We'll have to go on foot.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'It's a fucking military base.' Chris swears in awe. He's attempting to quell his panic.

'They have lights, there must be a power cell or solar panels or something.' Dan remarks.

'No shit Sherlock.' Chris snarks. Dan rolls his eyes.

'It looks too easy.' Dan comments. 'I think there has to be something up.' 

Chris can't help but agree. The only having a fence doesn't play right, not for something this fortified, not for something this in tact. 

'But what?' Chris questions. 

Dan's mind races for answers. Defense. What defense would you have if you could have anything?

Dan swallows. 'It couldn't be mined could it?' Dan asks.

Chris finds himself slowly nodding. 'Why do you say that?'

'The car stopped, like it was making sure it could go through.'

'You think there's like that much of a defense system? I was thinking maybe a sniper.' Chris queries. Open to the idea, but dreading it's implications. Electricity and weapons mean power, power means danger.

'I think there might be something more. It's best to check. Getting blown up won't help anyone.' Dan insists.

'How do we check?'

Dan walks back, further behind the tree line. He picks up a hand full of gravel from the road. Making an effort to remain concealed.

'Cover your ears. Just in case.'

Chris nods, placing palms to either side of his head.

Dan throws the handful, slamming his hands against his head just in time.

The ground explodes.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil slowly blinks his eyes open. The room is cold and unfeeling. His leg is warm, he can pick up on that. His arms hurt. His body hurts. His head hurts.

He can hear his own heart beat.  

He looks around the room. The room only has five things in. A bed, a camera in the top left corner, a blank TV screen in the wall, and Phil and Pj.

There is a door. Phil untangles himself from Pj, sliding his leg out from beneath him. He attempts to open it. He pulls so hard that he ends up on the ground. He pushes with his entire bodies weight.The door won't budge. Phil looks up and analyses the camera, head spinning. It's too high for him to reach. Trapped. 

Phil turns his attention back to his friend. His friend? Phil guesses his friend.

He picks Pj up, finding him to be surprisingly light.

Phil pictures carrying Chris back to the van that day. The only thing different is that Chris was too cold, and Pj is too warm.

He lays Pj down, making him more comfortable. Phil lifts up Pj's legs, sits down, and replaces his legs onto Phil’s lap.

Phil divides his attention between staring into the camera and looking at Pj.

The wall begin to shake ferociously. Phil throws his body over Pj's body. Pj stays unconscious. The shaking stops. Phil looks back up at the camera, satisfied to see a small crack forming on the side.  Phil pulls off Pj, checking him for injuries before turning to address the camera.

'We'll get out of this.' Phil strokes a hand through Pj's hair. 'Just you wait and see.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

A siren goes off. Chris's ears are ringing. He can't make his body stand up. He crawls over to Dan. Checking him for blood and finds none. He slaps the side of his face and Dan slowly opens his eyes.  Chris's hearing is coming back. He looks to the site of the explosion. He looks at the fence.

He detects the light change of the fence. Kneeling up, he can see the car coming through.

'Dan!' Chris whispers with force. 'Dan, we can sneak in.'

'Are you sure?' Dan whispers back, holding his head.

'We have to move now.' Dan pulls his hand away from his temple. They make themselves crawl towards the fence.

'What do you think it was Zoe?'

Chris identifies him as Joe. He doubts Joe even remembers who Chris is.

'I don't know, we were told to find out though. We can't upset her again. She's pissed with us for not finding any people with setting the fires. We can't disappoint again. She'll hurt someone.' 

'She'll hurt someone again you mean.' Joe corrects. 

'Luke won't be able to take it again.' Zoe defends, words fast. 

'Who says she'll pick Luke? She'd probably pick someone else to prove her point.'

Chris thinks the two must make eye contact or fill the gap with an interaction. He can hear a loud gasp. He eyes the open gate. Turning around to check where Dan's location. Dan is close enough. Chris waits the few seconds it takes him to catch up.

'You think it'll be _her_ next? She's a child.' Zoe gasps.

'I think it might be.' Joe responds.

An unspoken agreement comes from the two siblings, they focus on searching.

Chris turns to Dan.

'We're going to have to run past them and around the corner of the building.' Chris tells him.

'Do you think we can make that?' Dan retorts.

'I think we don't have a choice. Can you run?' Chris insists.

'I think so.' Dan answers uncertainly.

'Can you run for Phil?' Chris asks, unfaltering.

Dan smiles. 'Definitely'

'That's the spirit.' Chris claps a hand onto Dan's shoulder, taking it away after a second.

Chris moves his weight onto his feet. He checks the location of Zoe and Joe, both of them looking away. He's surprised to see how short the two of them are. Their guns being about half their size.

'Chris?' Dan waits for instruction. 

'Go!' Chris commands, pushing Dan in front of him.

They run up to the gate. They get through it without being blown up by invisible explosive death. Soon, they find themselves among the buildings, having evaded detection. 

Around the corner of the building, the can get a full view of the base. There's several buildings, illuminated by white lights from several floodlights. Several stationary vehicles are present, boxes are rotting into the concrete under foot.

There's not a person in sight.

'What do we do now?' Dan demands.

'Hide.' Chris commands. He grabs Dan's arm, pulling them both behind an abandoned car.

They stay down low and out of sight.

'Chris, what are we doing?' Dan hisses.

'Waiting to see where Zoe and Joe go. Then we can follow them again.' Chris whispers in response.

'I still don't get it.' Dan's eyes are wide. 'They were talking about helping people, but they took Phil and Peej. I thought they were my friends.'

Dan's voice catches, Chris puts a hand over his. Chris shakes his head. 'I don't know the answers Dan, we just need to get Pj and Phil back.' Chris reaffirms.

'Are you saying shoot first talk later?' Dan laughs slightly with the question.

'Well, less of the making it sound like police brutality and then we agree.'

Both of them chuckle lightly.

'They're brother and sister by the way.' Dan murmurs. 

'Who?'

'Zoe and Joe.'

Chris nods. 'I know.'

'Sorry. It might be useful.' 

'I only met him twice. Any soulmates?'

'Each other, familial.' Dan explains. 'Zoe has Louise of course.' Chris nods.

'Swish.' Chris confirms. 

Dan frowns. 'Do you know about Louise's daughter?'

'Louise had a daughter?' Chris gasps, smile on his face. He quickly wipes it off.

'Yes. She's precious. They’ll do anything to protect her. She had her after university, before the apocalypse. Phil didn't know about her either.'

'But Louise doesn't have a romantic soulmate.' Chris states, confused.

'She had a normal romance with a guy, I can't remember his name. He's dead. I know that Louise and him broke up before the apocalypse, but they still got along. It hurt her. She doesn't talk about it much.'

'Understandable. Joe?'

'He has Caspar, and Zoe of course. You may as well count Louise in there.'

'Who's Caspar?'

'Romantic soulmate. It's all a bit weird, they're not actually a couple. Even though they have the matching marks.'

'Why?'

'I don't know. Apparently, Joe said some things. They met in the apocalypse. It wouldn’t surprise me if Caspar wanted to pursue it and Joe was too scared. Caspar’s obviously in love, but they're inseparable anyway..'

‘You know we can’t trust them right?’

‘I know.’

Chris and Dan hear the noises of the car carrying Zoe and Joe coming back.

Chris chokes out some words, as quiet as he can be, as still as a picture.

'Dan, if this all goes wrong, tell them I love them. Go somewhere, all three of you, live happy lives and take care of each other.'

'You're not dying on me today Chris.' Dan removes his gun from his holster.  'You're going to be telling them that yourself.'

'Just promise me it. If it all goes to shit.'

Dan looks over at Chris. They lock eyes.

'I promise. Would you do the same for me?'

'Tell Phil you love him?' Dan nods.

'And make sure he's alright.'

'Of course.' Dan takes this, and returns to action.

'I'll even get him another fuckin' protection burrito.' Chris whispers, making Dan laugh.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Zoe and Joe drive into the space. Parking their car on the concrete and getting out.

'She said one of us had to report back and the other had to go feed everyone.' Joe says.

'I'm going to go see her.' Zoe responds with determination.

'Zoe-' Joe gets cut off by Zoe's words.

'I'm not putting you at risk again Joseph. I'll go see her. You go visit them.' She declares.

'Zoe, they haven't seen you for days. Please let me go.' Joe begs.

'You're going to see them and that's final.'  

Zoe storms off. She walks to the building opposite the car Dan and Chris are hiding behind. Red paint lazily spells the words 'LABORATORY 1' above the door.

Joe stays outside, watching her go in. The door shuts after his sister and her sighs. Kicking the side of his vehicle in frustration. He rubs his face. He begins to walk, cursing under his breath as he does so.

'Follow him.' Chris commands. Dan nods. Both of them creep out from behind the car and trail behind Joe's path.

Joe stops talking to himself a few seconds later. This makes Dan and Chris's job of remaining silent even harder.

Joe seems to be heading towards a building slightly apart from the main structures.

Chris takes Joe coughing as an opportunity to reload his gun without being heard. He never was one for stealth, always a fighter.

Joe types in the door code, Chris aims to shoot his leg. Joe opens the door, Chris is about to pull down the trigger. Aware of how much sound it'll make, knowing it's his only choice. Dan pushes the side of the gun before he can shoot. Joe walks into the building.

'Dan, what the fuck-'

'Look!' Dan points animatedly, like a toddler.

Chris squints to get a better look at the door.

The door is still open.

Confusion registers in Chris's mind, then he finds the solution. He smiles when he sees the object blocking the doors closure, placed there by Joe.

'Maybe he can help us after all.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Joe waits for them in the hallway connected to the blocked door. Dan walks through the door first.

'Dan!' He runs and jumps, wrapping his arms around Dan's neck for a second. He turns to Chris after, analyzing him. Chris shuts the door. 'I recognize you.'

'He's Chris.' Dan answers. Joe's mouth opens and eyes widen.

'We met. Phil said you were dead.' He says.

'He did.' Chris dryly responds. Joe nods at him.

'Joe, what's going on?' Dan asks. 'Phil and I lost you.' 

Joe raises his eyebrows at him.

'Do you know what happened that night mate?' Dan shakes his head. Joe sighs.

'Start at the beginning.' Chris prompts him.

'We got taken from the camp. Those canisters came over the wall and the next thing I knew, I woke up in a room by myself. I couldn't get out. So I stayed put, tried to find a weapon or something. There wasn't any. I think it must have been a couple of hours later that the screen in the wall came on. It was her. She said that we wouldn't be hurt if we _'complied'_.'

'Who is she?'

Joe shakes his head. 'We don't know. She's a scientist or something. She takes people away for a while, then they come back. None of us remember what happens when she takes us. She only took me and Zoe once. We came back sooner than everyone else does. Ever since, she made us both her henchmen or something. She says if we don't do as she tells us, she'll kill someone we love.'

'How do you know she isn't bluffing?'

'We thought she was bluffing, to a degree. Zoe refused to take a child to her.' Joe swallows. 'She gassed us both. When we woke up, we were back in our cells, except all the individual doors were open. The only door that was locked was the front one. We all ran to each other, had our own little reunion... Except...' Joe inhales.

'What else?' Dan asks.

'Luke was missing. I only realized when Emma started screaming his name.... She left us alone for the day. No communication or food. Kept Luke for three days. He was a fucking mess when he got back. He still doesn't talk to anyone.'

'Well _shit_.' Chris says. The words hang heavy. 'Have you tried to break out?'

'The front door is the only one that locks manually. All the rest, she controls. Once a door shuts, it locks. She has a code she has to type in every hour, or an even more dangerous version of that gas goes into the cells. So we can't just kill her.'

Dan panics. 'Could she have seen us come in?'

'No.' Joe whispers. 'She just finished testing with Phil and the other bloke. We put them back in their cell. She’ll be busy for an hour or two.'

Chris's heart sinks further. Eyes wide, heart beating. The panic accelerates his thought process. He has an idea.

'We could destroy the source of the power. No electricity, no control over us.'

Joe shakes his head. 'We don't know where it is. Besides, losing power could just make the cells shut forever, or even put the gas into them. We can't do anything without risking all of their lives because of that gas.'

The three of them stand in silence.

Chris's mind turns and turns. Danger is everywhere. 

Chris can't see another way out. 

'Well we only have one option Dan.' Chris states. Dan turns to face him, frowning.

'What?'

Chris swallows, and exhales. 

'We have to find out that code.'

Joe's eyes widen, he shakes his head more drastically.

'That's suicide.'

Chris flinches at the word. He looks at Dan a second later to see if he noticed. From the look of pity on Dan's face, he did. Chris swears internally.

'Been there, done that Joseph.' Chris mutters under his breath.

'What?' Joe asks.

'Nothing. Dan and I can do it, but we'll need help.' Chris states.

Joe nods.

'There's cameras dotted around the place. She's always looking. When she does, the light below the camera goes red. If she sees you, Zoe will be told to kill you or take you. If it's you or the lives of everyone, Zoe will kill you.' Joe explains. ‘Even if she knows you both.’

'Why won't you kill us?' Dan interjects.

'Because you're going to have to knock me out after this conversation. Otherwise, you have two Suggs on your arse. If you get caught, all you have to deal with this way is Zoe.' Joe smiles. 'Don't be an idiot and underestimate her though. You'll be the one that dies.'

'Okay?' Dan questions.

'Also, if you kill her. I'll kill you twice as much.' Joe warns. His chest is on fire with worry. 

'We won't kill Zoe.' Chris says.

'Good. She's on the top floor of the labs.'

'Anything else?'

'Shouldn't be.' Joe grits his teeth. He thinks of the people he's doing this for. 'Knock me out.' Joe demands. Chris nods, stepping around the back of him.

'I'm sorry Joe.'

'It's alright.' Joe closes his eyes and whispers. 

Chris gets his gun of of his holster, and brings it down on the back of his head with force. Dan jumps forward and catches him, lowering him to the ground.

'Lets go.'

Dan and Chris nod at each other, and leave the building.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They reach the laboratory undetected. Dan having spotted several cameras and making them both avoid them.

There's a problem.

'Chris, the front door's locked.'

'Shit.'

'What are we going to do?

Chris swallows. Dan looking at him for answers.

'I can't think of anything.' Chris rubs a hand over his face, he tugs on his ear, throwing his arm down. 'I can’t fucking think of anything!' Chris shouts through gritted teeth.

'Chris, calm down.' Dan puts a hand on Chris's arm. Chris stares back at him. 

'Dan, we're not going to get them back-'

'-Chris-'

'-What if we never see them again?'

Chris searches through Dan's eyes for some kind of answer.

'Chris, if we panic, we definitely never will see them again.' Chris nods, trying to control his breathing. 'I have an idea.'

'Tell me.' Chris asks. 

'I go and get caught on purpose, so Zoe has to come through that door and you can go through.'

'What? No!'

'If we just set off the car alarm or something, she'll check CCTV and see both of us. If I go, she'll think it's just me. Then you can find out the code, knock her out, and do whatever necessary to get everyone out of their cells.'

'Dan, it's a flawed plan. You could get killed.'

'I'll let Zoe win, make it look like I'm a desperate soulmate that acted on impulse.'

Chris smiles despite it.

'Dan, you _are_ a desperate soulmate acting on impulse.'

'Yes, but I'm a desperate soulmate acting on impulse, with a plan.' Dan smiles and clicks, pointing both of his fingers at Chris. Chris laughs, throwing his body forward to wrap Dan into a hug. Dan is shocked, but returns it. 

'I would have loved the chance to have learned to properly love you Dan.'

'Who says you won't?' Dan asks. Chris smiles at him sadly.

'If one of us dies, I just wanted that to be said. I always worried about Phil's other soulmate, thank fuck it was you.'

'Same goes for you Chris.'

They clap their hands together, grasping onto the contact for a second. Chris pulls Dan in for another hug, which he returns.

'Knock 'em dead Dan.'

'Stay alive Chris.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris avoided the cameras as he crawled as close as he could get to the laboratory doors. The camera light stays green, Chris locks eyes with Dan. Chris gives Dan a small nod. The signal. Dan nods back, smiles once and runs forward.

'Good luck.' Chris whispers.

Dan runs to the one functioning car. Hitting it until the car alarm goes off. Dan removes his gun from his holster. He shoots through the window once and uses the end of it to break the glass. Dan reaches in and presses the horn until the light on the camera changes colour. Dan jumps onto the front of the car, walking up until he's on it's roof. He smirks at the camera. Aiming his gun, taking a breath, and shooting out the camera lens. The recoil of the shot nearly pushes him off the car.

Dan lowers himself on the roof, sitting on the edge of it. He lets his legs dangle off the side. Looking directly at the door with a smirk. 

Chris can appreciate the cockiness, hopefully it doesn't kill them both.

The door flies open. Zoe stands in the frame, gun in hand and pointed at Dan.

'You don't have to kill me, I got rid of the camera.' Dan confesses. 

'She didn't tell me to kill you, she told me to take you to the cells.'

Dan holds both of his hands up.

'Come and get me then.' Dan taunts. 

Zoe takes some paces away from the door. It begins to shut.

Finally, he runs for it. Making it to the door just in time to get through. He hears a cry from Zoe before it shuts, blocking the noise behind him.

He's completely alone.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The first thing Chris does is check for cameras. Darting his vision around, corner to corner, crook to crook. He finds none. He guesses that 'She' has no reason to have any here.

Dan has blinded her. By shooting out the camera, she has no way of knowing he's here.

If he gets them out of this, he's going to hug Dan for a solid hour.

For now, he has to focus on getting everyone out. Pj, Phil and Dan being his priorities. 

He sees the stairs on the far side of the room. It's decorated with shards of glass, yellowed with time. There's mud on the floor, and flowers growing in the empty barred window panes.

Chris walks to the stairs and then up them. Constantly reassuring himself of the machete tucked into his belt and the gun in his left hand. His eyes are darting around. Looking for a threat.

A green vine laced into the stair handrail startles him. The green resembles Pj's eyes.

It makes him more determined. The second floor isn't open like the first. The immediate thing he is faced with is a wall. 

He doesn't attempt to investigate. Knowing the chances that she'll have a camera in there. He'll investigate third first.

His feet pound into the final flight of stairs.

This floor is open plan like the first, no locks stand between him and the contents of the room.

There's no one here. He runs up the stairs, taking in the room.

His mouth hangs wide.

The room is packed with papers and computers. There are black out curtains covering of the two large windows.

Computer screens decorate the one blank wall. These computer screens dictating Chris's attention.

All of them have the same picture on.

A picture of Pj.

There's a selection of data next to each of them.

One smaller screen in the corner contains a picture of Phil sleeping. All his data compressed onto one screen.

Chris feels ill.

There's three tables, on one resides several small screens. Flicking from source to source.  A live feed of the CCTV. Chris remarks. He can see distant fighting in one shot.

The other table also contains screens. Also CCTV. Chris walks closer to this table. Unable to make out what the screens are showing with the poor picture quality.

It's Louise he spots first, with a little girl tucked into her arms. She's shivering.

Then the picture changes to someone Chris doesn't recognize. A boy, a man? He has one of those faces. With brown hair and a blank face. He's staring into a distance of nothing.

It changes again. A man with broken glasses tucked into a ball. Facing the door. He's rocking slightly. Chris thinks he can see tears, then the pictures gone.

Two women sleeping. Both blonde, one is smaller with cropped hair, the other has hers tied back. They're protecting each other.The picture changes quicker this time.

Two faces he does recognize.

Pj lays on the bed, unconscious. He feels less sick seeing it. Phil has him. Pj's not downstairs strapped to some table, he's in the arms of someone Chris trusts more than he trusts himself. Phil's looking down at Pj. Chris can see his lips moving, but there's no audio. From the look on Phil's face, he guesses that he's singing.

It's been so long since he's heard Phil sing.

The picture changes again. Chris catches a glimpse of a woman with short hair, staring into the camera. An unspoken 'fuck off' in her face. Chris would laugh, but he can hear the clicking of footsteps.

He refuses to let himself panic, He ducks out of view. She won't see him when she's coming up the stairs. He'll be able to get a gun to her head, hopefully without killing her in the process.

He catches a glimpse of the sterile whiteness of her lab coat, before the gun is against her temple. He pushes her onto her knees. She cries out loudly.

'There's no one to help you. You'll have to do as I say.' Chris instructs.

She nods, whimpering.

'What do you want?' She begs.

Chris laughs bitterly. 'Isn't it pretty fucking obvious?'

'I'm just trying to help.' She says calmly. Her voice is soft.

'You took away the people I love. Let them go, and maybe you'll live.' Chris explains, pressing the gun even harder to her head.

'If you kill me, you'll never get them back.' She states.

He smiles, bitterly. 'They'd rather die than be guinea pigs.'

'At least I feed them. I take away the pain. I let them live.' Her charisma attempts to come through. She's trying to charm him, convince him, Chris realizes. Anger crawls into him.

'That-' Chris gestures to the images showing her captives.'-Isn't living.'

'What? So living is being chased by the infected out in the dangerous world. I can protect them. I do protect them. My gates are electric. The fence is mined. I just ask for them to give back by acting as test subjects for my-'

'They never agreed to that. None of them did.' Chris almost shouts.

'They don't understand.  None of them could. They would agree if they could. ' She attempts to look turn and Chris in the eyes. Chris won't let her. She keeps her voice soft and slow.

'You're fucking insane. ' Chris exclaims, gun tighter in his grip.

'No, they would agree if they knew how the virus works, but they don’t. '

'How do you know ?' He interrogates.

She breathes, realizing the trap she's put herself in.

'Because I helped create it.' She admits.

 _'What?'_ Chris can hear how piercing the word is.

'You don't understand-'

'Damn right I don't. You're keeping people here by force, to experiment on.' Chris points to all the pictures of Pj on the wall. 'You say you're doing it for good. But in reality, it's just because you fucked about with an already deadly virus and made it worse. And you expect me to let you carry on? Maybe even join you.'

'-My sister had the virus. We were trying to find a cure through genetic manipulation-'

'-And it went wrong. She died anyway. You. Killed. Thousands. I'm not going to let you kill anymore-' Chris holds the gun tighter, she panics.

'-I've found a vaccine!' Her voice finally breaks away. This is quick and shrill.

Chris's heart pangs. 'What?' His voice loses motivation.

'I found a vaccine, meaning that no one else will get the disease, even if the virus is put directly into the bloodstream. I can correct my mistake, make the world good again.'

Chris blinks. This is a lie. It has to be a lie. He chokes. ‘How?’

'I've been searching all this time for someone special. The new virus was created with genetic manipulation of the original virus. A cure can be created with the genes of someone that was naturally immune to the original virus.'

Chris can feel a horrible sinking inside him, begging what he thinks to be true to not be.

'What?'

She finally turns around. Chris looks at her face, it’s young, but aged simultaneously. She has the same eye colour as Chris. The gun is pointing to her forehead instead of her temple. She points at the wall full of pictures of Pj.

'He's the key to the revival of the world. If we kill him, we can save the earth.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris can hear white noise behind her clean voice.

'His blood sample was dazzling. I could barely tear myself away. I checked and checked again. It's proven. It's right. If I terminate his life, and obtain his stem cells. I can create a vaccination. The human race is smaller now than it has been for millenniums. But with the vaccination, we can save those that have survived. Then, those survivors can destroy the infected. The earth can be reclaimed. The human race can be made stronger-'

'-Are you sure that you can make it?' Chris questions, eyes darting between the pictures of Pj and the woman at the end of his gun.

'Positive, absolutely. The answer is right at our fingertips.' She answers, smiling up at him. The smile doesn't spread to her eyes.

'It's not at _our_ anything.' Chris corrects her with anger in his voice.

The computer begins to beep, flashing up a brilliant blue. Her eyes flash up similarly, with colours of chaos.

'I assume you know what that means. I had a feeling that Joseph was the weaker Sugg. Clearly less loyal.' She sighs, almost bored. 'It's a shame. His soulmate was quite interesting. I had hoped he would prove to be a suitable test subject.'

'Had?'

She tuts. 'I may have to put an end to Caspar Lee. It was about time they learnt the consequence of their actions.'

Chris laughs loudly. She stills herself under his gun, almost looking scared.

'And you expect me to let you live? To kill him?' Chris points the to the pictures of Pj. 'You're a monster. How many people have you killed in your experiments?'

She smiles at him. Unnaturally white teeth. 'We're all monsters.' She whispers. 

Oddly enough, the words make Chris smile, sending him into happier memories.

'Not all monsters are bad. Everybody has a little bit of monster in them. Without it, we wouldn't be human.' Chris sighs.'But there are bad monsters, and you're one of them.'

She breathes out, eyes moving to look at the ground.

'I've had to terminate fifty lives in the last two years. Uninfected humans are becoming rarer, as are the infected. I had to do it, I fear for the survival of man.'

'I fear for the survival of man if I let you live.' Chris retorts. She opens her mouth and shuts it. She looks back up at Chris.

She raises an eyebrow. 'If you don't let me have him, I'll let your friends die.'

Chris bites his lip. 'How?'

'If you don't let me have his stem cells, I'll let the gas release. I will never type in the code.'

'You wouldn't-'

'-I would. Like you said. I'm a monster.' She tilts her head to the side, and smiles at him sweetly. 'Tell me, are you one too?'

Chris panics. Gun pressed against her head. She looks up at him defiantly. A smug smile proving that she believes her intelligence superior. She thinks the game has been played. She believes she has won. Game. Set. Match.

Chris can't let that happen.

Pj can't die. He promised. Pj gets to live.

But how.

He looks at the computer. Frowning.

He spots Pj and Phil on the CCTV again. Phil is looking into the camera. Seemingly, straight at him.

A look at Pj’s still body and it clicks.

'Okay.' He says, keeping his voice flat. She can't suspect weakness.

'What?'

'Okay. Let them die. Better they die than he goes under your knife.'

'But?-'

Chris interrupts with a shout. 'I choose-' He whispers again. '-this.'

The computer's beeping increases in volume. A small count down occurs on the screen. From ten downwards.

It reaches zero. Chris holds his breath. Staring at the CCTV scan. 

Nothing happens.

There's no gas in the cells. She was bluffing. 

He smirks down at her. He’d been right.

She wouldn’t risk it.

'I-I-' She chokes out the beginning of an excuse.

'So, now you have no power. I'd recommend you let them out of their cells.' Chris reaches down and grabs the back of the shirt. He pulls her up so she's facing him. He puts the gun into her stomach. 'Now.' He orders.

Her mouth hangs open. She walks to the computer with Chris.

'Can't we-'

'No.'

'For the good of-'

'For the good of your own guilt. Humanity means nothing to you. Not anymore.' He presses the gun in harder. 'Now. Let. Them. Go.' He whispers into her ear.

She leans forward. Typing into the computer, a sweet familiar sound of keys being pressed, tapping into Chris's ears.

She elbows him in the face.

It catches him off guard. He takes an instinctive step back, covering the source of the pain with his free hand. She attempts to run. He shoots.

It's surprising how similar the killing of a human being is to the undead.

She falls in the same way.

The crying protests are similar.

Moans. Her body tenses and relaxes once more.

Stillness.

Her blood begins to soak into the white sterile coat.

That's a difference. The blood of the infected is black.

His hands begin to shake. He throws the gun to the ground.

It slides, the barrel ending up pointing at her head.

Chris begins to shake. Standing, looking at her body. He leans over and  throws up. Retching to the side of the computer.

He falls to his knees, narrowly avoiding landing in the vomit.

He avoids looking at her.

He doesn't even know her name.

He pulls himself up. Looking into the computer screen.

He can hear gunshots from downstairs. Shouting. It's a male voice.

Checking the CCTV, he gets a quick side view of the laboratory. Not a camera that could have detected someone avoiding being seen, but one that could be used as a last resort. Dan is the one shouting and shooting. 

He presses the unlock key for the laboratory door.

He hears another gun shot. But not from outside, from inside.

He feels a ripping in his shoulder. He screams. Hitting the floor in the same way she did.

He turns around just in time to see her drop the gun and breathe her final breath. He can see her face, eyes glassy and ultimately dead.

The world goes fuzzy.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan was suspicious when the door had opened for him. He'd taken one final look at the unconscious Zoe in the back of the car and entered. His fear overruns him. He'd already heard a gunshot. He hears another.

He runs up the stairs, tripping up them on the second flight. A small cut on his shin adding to the one Zoe left on his eyebrow. He's still not entirely sure where that knife had come from. Dan is bleeding, but he's had worse. 

The gunshot was followed by a scream. He's can tell it's Chris's.

Positive point, he's alive.

Negative point, he might not be for much longer.

Dan sees blood dripping over the edge of the stairs. The screaming has turned into loud whimpers.

The source of the blood is 'her', whoever 'she' was. She has a bullet wound next to her heart.

The source of the noise is Chris. Dan jumps over her body. He falls to his knees next to Chris. Hovering, his body unsure of what to do. Blood is pouring out from Chris's shoulder, leeching across his body.

'Chris?' Dan shouts. 'Chris!'

Chris has his eyes tightly shut. His body moving from side to side. Pain crawling all over him. Becoming him. Tears squeeze out his eyes. He forces words out of his mouth.

'Dan. You. Need. To. Let. Them.' Chris shouts out in pain.

Dan starts shivering. ‘I need to let them what?’ He demands. 

Dan puts his hands down on the wound. His skin covered in red. Chris cries out.

'You need to let them out!' He screams. Chris writhes on the floor. Dan looking down at him. Eyes wide. He puts a hand on his face, covering himself in blood unintentionally.

Dan looks up. Seeing the computer screen. There's a detailed map to the entire complex. He jumps up. Running to it. He grabs the mouse. Selecting the prisoner building. He selects unlock all. Each of the little red padlocks on screen, turn green.

There's an option to 'Broadcast'.

Dan selects it. A picture of himself coming up on the screen. Chris starts screaming again.

Dan talks into the camera quickly.

'I don't know who can hear this. But help us, please. We're in the laboratory, top floor.' A sad scream from Chris. 'She's dead. Help him, please.'

Dan selects 'End Broadcast.'

The picture disappears, replacing with the map. Dan gets a glimpse of the blood on his face. He ignores it. Returning to Chris's side.

He places pressure back on Chris's wound, making him cry out again.

'Did you do it?' Chris asks, strained and quiet. Tears rolling out of his eyes.

Dan looks back up at the screen. He looks over to the other table. He gets a glimpse of people leaving the prisoner building. Louise with her child held close in her arms.  The whole group are moving quickly. He sees Phil carrying Pj, being helped by Connor.

'Yes.' Dan responds, looking back down at him, tears rolling out. 'Hold on Chris.'

Chris smiles to himself. Chris's eyes are still shut. His smile melts away.

'Pj...' Chris says, breathing labored.

He's still unconscious, but that isn't what Chris needs to hear right now.

'He's on his way. Hold on.'

'It hurts.' Chris shouts. Dan prays that they're close. He's not sure if he's imagining noise from downstairs.

'I know it does. I'm so sorry Chris. Hold on.'

'It hurts so much...'

'I know.'

Chris's eyes open. They're red and moist. Alive.

'I killed her Dan.' Chris chokes out, whimpering, tears freely falling.

'I know. You had to. She deserved it.' Dan whispers in response.

'Nobody deserves it.'

'It was her or them.'

'They deserve to live-'

'-Exactly-'

'-I'm not sure I do.'

'Don't say that Chris.'

'I have a bullet in me. It might be the only time I get to say it.' Chris laughs, it sounds wet. Blood is covering him. The laughter turns to crying. 'I love them. Tell them I love them.' Chris shouts.

Dan knows he definitely isn't imagining the noise from downstairs. He knows he isn't imagining Chris's breaths getting smaller. His eyes closing. He shouts down.

'Help! Help!'

'Promise me Dan. Please.'

'I promise. Hold on Chris.'

'I'm trying.' He whispers. 'Trying so hard.'

Chris's eyes close. His breathing remains small but constant.

'Chris?' Dan finds that the world spins around him. 'Chris!'

Chris doesn't respond.


	3. Chapter 3

Pj can hear low muttering. His head pounds. He focuses on the voices.

'I don't know, Luke.'

'Emma, I just want to be safe. We're safe here. We should stay.'

'It just feels like we've gone from one cage to another.'

'The whole world's a cage.'

'Luke, that's not what I mean-'

'I know it isn't. But it's true anyway. What's the point in turning down the safest place we're ever going to get, just because we won't see the sun as much? It seems silly to me.'

'I need to think about it Luke.'

Pj hears a short noise. A kiss.

'I know you do. I just don't want you to overthink this.'

'It all seems too easy.'

'It won't be. But we have everyone else, we have electricity, warmth, food.' There's a seconds pause. 'I have you.' Another few seconds. 'That's all I want.'

'I know it is Sweetheart, but like I said, it's too perfect. I need to find something to complain about.'

Luke snorts.

'Of course.'

Pj hears a noise and some laughter.

 _'Of course.'_ Emma repeats mockingly.

Pj groans, his headache piercing through his skull intensely. The two stop talking.

'Pj?'

His eyes flutter opens.

His first thought is that he's in a hospital.But that's impossible.

'Where am I?' Pj asks. His voice dry and choked. His sight focuses on a small woman. Her hair cut short. She rushes to the side of him. Checking him once over and passing him a glass of water.

'Drink this.' Pj shakes his head.

'Where am I?' He demands. She blinks before answering the question.

'You were taken, you and Phil. We all were too. We got out, but you got a heavy dose of the drug used to knock us out. You need to drink this and trust us. We're friends. I'm Emma and this is Luke.'

Pj looks over at the male in the room. His hands shake but he smiles despite it. He looks unnaturally thin. Pj looks back at Emma.

'Where's Phil?' He squints at her.

'He hasn't slept since he woke up from the gas you both got dosed with. We forced him into bed-'

'It's ironic that one of the two of you actually woke up now.' Luke cuts in. Emma looks at him in shock, smiling after a few seconds.

'One of the two of us?' Pj questions.

Emma takes the untouched water off Pj, placing it on the side. She pulls up his torso, so he's leaning against the wall. The room moves around Pj. She's surprisingly strong.

'I remember when I got drugged, I couldn't move. I figured you needed the help. Can you see him now?' Emma asks, looking down at his body. Finger tips replaced onto the glass of water.

Pj finally looks to his left. Seeing the person sleeping in the bed next to him with large bandages over their leg and face. A picture of peace on their face.

'Dan.' Pj exclaims with a smile.

'He's fine. Just blood loss and exhaustion. We thought he'd wake up first actually.'

'How long has it been?' Pj asks, feeling like he's forgotten something.

'You got taken three days ago and rescued two days ago. You've been here since then.'

'Where are we?' Pj questions. Emma exchanges a look with Luke. Luke nods at her and she explains to him.

'We're in a bunker. When we were abducted, we were taken to a military base. The person in charge wanted to experiment on us. She was killed. We came down here. It's safe. We needed the medical equipment to keep somebody alive. We're not sure what we're going to do after that person-' Emma considers her words. 'After that person either passes on or wakes up.'

Pj nods. His head is still spinning. His mouth dry. He isn't hungry.

'Can I have-'

'A drink?'

Emma passes the glass back into Pj's hands and he downs it. He passes the empty glass back into Emma's hand.

'Sorry, dehydration is a side effect of the fake food stuff we've been giving you.'

'Fake food stuff?'

'You were unconscious. It was either that or starve.'

Pj makes a noise of apprehension. His head falls forward and he has to catch himself.

'I'm sleepy.' He says, yawning. Emma turns around and smiles at Luke.

'Another side effect.' Luke states quietly.

'You'll be right as rain next time you wake up.’

Pj nods returning to a laying position in the bed.

Emma moves back to sitting next to Luke. They are all quiet as Pj starts to fall back into a natural sleep.

'Luke?' Emma asks almost silently.

'Yes.' He whispers.

'I think I want to stay here.'

Pj thinks he can hear the smile they share.

It reminds him.

He drowses off. 'Where's Chris?' He asks, half dreaming already.

He doesn't imagine the concern painted onto Emma's face before he falls asleep.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil twists and turns on top of the mattress.

He sees blood. He can hear Chris screaming. Zoe shouting orders. Joe making the incision. Zoe reaching in and removing the bullets. Chris screaming even more. His shrieks becoming coherent pleads for death. Phil holding his hand, Chris grabbing so tightly it hurts.So much blood. Stitches in skin. Unconsciousness.

He sees Chris hanging from the light.

He wakes up. Throwing the mattress covers off him. Ready to scream. But he doesn’t.

He breathes in and out. The breathing gets interrupted by sobs.

They don't think Chris is going to make it.

However much he cries, it won't help Chris.

Phil begins to pull on his clothes, he'd had a shower before sleeping. Or at least attempted to sleep.

He wants Pj or Dan to wake up. He wants to share this weight with someone.

He only just got Chris back, now he's probably going to be ripped away. Phil already aches. He can see how much it's going to break Pj.

Pj who, if he doesn't wake up, may miss the death of his soulmate.

Phil remembers when he was an optimist. Now after finding his best friend hanging from a light, after losing him. After getting him back and getting him lost again. After knowing that Chris has killed a human being now, and no one remains the same after that. No one, even if it was the right choice to make. He's not an optimist anymore.

All he's faced now with is the reality. It's more likely he's going to lose his soulmate for good than get him back. He needs to be with him. Make it easier. Help Pj, for Chris.

Phil can already feel his heart breaking but he walks out of 'his room' to Chris's.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil peeks into Pj and Dan's room before he goes to Chris's. They are both still asleep. As are Emma and Luke.

Phil takes a few steps in. Walking over to Dan and kissing him on the forehead, avoiding his injuries. Phil turns around and gently ruffles his hand through Pj's hair.

Phil is about to leave the room when he hears him.

'Phil?'

Phil turns around, as quick as a bullet.

'Pj?'

Pj sits up in bed. Swinging his legs around to stand up. Phil runs to him. They end up embracing on the bed.

'You're okay.' Pj says into Phil's shoulder.

Phil starts crying. Loud sobs becoming evident. They break the hug apart. Pj puts a hand on Phil's shoulder. Frowning at him. Searching through his features for answers.

'Phil?' Emma asks. Quickly up, and behind Phil. Luke follows, coming around the other side of the bed.

'I'm not okay Pj.' Phil chokes out.

'What's wrong Phil?' Pj demands

'Where do I start?' Phil asks, laughing bitterly through tears.

'Pj, do you remember any of what I told you earlier?' Emma calmly questions.

'Some of it.' Pj hesitates.

'Tell the story again, we'll fill in the blanks that I left.' Emma commands with comfort. Trying not to overwhelm Pj.

Pj clears his throat.

'Phil and I were in the back of the van talking. And then we got taken-'

'You were both abducted by our friends Zoe and Joe-'

'Your friends!' Pj exclaims.

'They were under duress. They were told that if they disobeyed, that someone they loved would be killed.'

'And she proved her point on me.' Luke whispers from his point of observation beside Pj's bed. Phil looks at him in shock.

'That's the first time I've heard you talk since we got back.' Phil smiles despite it all.

Luke attempts to smile back but ends up shivering.

Pj gulps. 'Was it that bad?' He asks Luke. He can see Emma flinch.

Luke's slow nod proves an answer, his body shaking with the memory. Emma's hand on his shoulder and he stills.

'She's dead, Luke.' Emma reminds them. Luke nods once more.

'I know.' His words empty the room. Pj fills it again.

'So I was kidnapped and then what?' Pj asks. Phil supplies the story.

'We were brought into a laboratory and experimented on.' Pj's eyes widen. His mouth moving without words. 'She did it to everyone.' Phil states, staring into Pj’s eyes. All of them sharing feelings of violation.

'Who was she?' Pj questions.

'We don't know.' Emma responds. Leaving a second of silence in the room, before Phil continues.

'Then we were taken to cells. They put us in one together.I woke up before you did. We must have been in there for a few hours. There was some explosions. I protected your body. We don't a hundred percent know what happened.' Phil grimaces. 'But Zoe and Joe made a mistake-'

'What mistake did they make?'

'When they took us, they didn't take Dan and Chris.' Tears flow out of Phil's eyes. Pj looks over at Dan's body. In here because of blood loss, and trauma.

'What happened?' Pj deadpans. Dreading the answer.

'I was sitting in our cell. And the screen came on. It was Dan.' Phil chokes. 'He was covered in blood that wasn't his. Chris was screaming in the background. Dan was asking for help. All the cell doors opened, I picked you up and ran.' Phil laughs, not spreading to his eyes. 'Emma and Luke were in our group, Peej. They'd been abducted, that's what had happened to the group Dan and I were in.'

Pj's eyes are defiant, almost on fire.

'Where's Chris?' He demands.

Phil carries on with the story.

'When we got there. The woman was dead.' Phil closes his eyes. 'Chris killed her.' Pj gasps.

'That bitch had a four year old in fucking captivity to be a lab rat. She brought her death upon herself.' Emma interjects with anger. Phil nods.

'Dan collapsed there. I gave you to Troye and Connor to carry. Dan was brought here by Joe and Caspar. I helped carry Chris with everyone else. We operated on him, got the bullet out.' Phil breathes. 'He lost a lot of blood. He got shot. We don't know if he's going to make it.'

They are all surprised by a voice coming from the other side of the room.

'Is he unconscious?' Dan interjects. Drowsily. The whole group quickly turn to face him. Luke moves from the side of Pj's bed to the side of Dan's. He begins to check him over. Phil reaches out for his hand. Dan takes it and smiles at him.

'Where is he?' Pj adds, hearing how meek he sounds.

'He's been awake but not really...there. He's hallucinating and he's in pain.' Phil rocks himself. 'He's getting worse, not better. There's nothing we can do but wait.' With a squeeze of Dan's hand he lets go. He turns to face Pj. 'I'll take you to him, if you think you can cope.'

Pj scrambles out of bed, nodding quickly.

'Please.' Pj begs. Standing face to face with Phil. Phil nods. Reaching out and pulling him into a hug.

They break apart, Pj walks to the door. Phil reaches over and kisses Dan on the lips.

'It's nice to see you again.' Phil whispers. 'I love you.'

'I love you too, but I'm fine. Go.' Dan orders. Phil presses his mouth to Dan's forehead before going to the door. He grabs Pj's hand and walks out.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil interlinks his fingers with Pj's. Whenever he takes this walk, all he can feel is dread rising up in him. The fear that this will be the last time he has to take this walk. That this will be the last day that Chris is breathing.

With Pj so near to him, all he feels is fear for Pj.

Yesterday, Chris thought he was in a room with his entire family.

The scientist killed them all and he wept.

The day before that, Chris was asleep and it was better that way. Phil just had to sit and watch him cry out occasionally.

Pj interrupts his thoughts.

'How big is this place?' Pj says with awe.

Phil lets out a small huff of air. 'This is just the medical wing. The whole bunker was supposed to hold around three hundred people.' Phil has one little sad smile. 'There's sixteen of us.'

Pj nods. 'Why didn't you put us closer to Chris?'

'You were closer to everyone else where you were.' Phil responds. He adds in a whisper. 'And we couldn't put you too close to Chris, he's too loud.'

'Are we going to stay here?'

'Maybe. Most of us like the idea of it. There's plenty of food, water and supplies. And we're all together. Some of us want to carry on moving.'

'Do you want to stay?'

'If Chris gets better, yes.' Phil swallows. 'If he dies, then I can't stay here.'

Pj shuts his eyes for a second. Letting Phil guide him.

'Phil, what are the chances that Chris is going to be okay?'

'To be okay? Zero. To stay alive, we have no idea. He's awake at points. It's either he stays awake or he doesn't.'

'What do you mean there's no chance he's going to be okay?'

'He killed someone, Pj.' Phil squeezes Pj's hand without meaning to. 'The Chris I know, won't be okay after that. Even if it had to happen. It'll send him back to where he was when he tried to hang himself.'

Pj lets the words hang in the air. Both of them walking in silence to Chris's room.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The lights shine onto Chris's body. A layer of sweat covers him. His breathing is hard and labored. Hair sticks to his forehead. His lips move without words. His eyes are closed. There's a man sleeping in the corner of the room.

Pj runs forward and to Chris’s side, grabbing his hand. Phil watches him with caged tears. Phil shuts the door and walks to the other side of Chris. He picks up a chair on the way. Placing it next to Pj.

'Sit Peej.' Phil commands, before taking his own seat.

Pj quickly sits, not wanting to let go of Chris. He analyzes Chris's face. It's tensing occasionally, his cheeks are pink. Pj's eyes wander to the other person in the room.

'Who's he?' Pj asks, nodding towards the sleeping body. His eyes returning to Chris. His grip tighter.

'He's Tyler.' Phil laughs. 'He's a riot. Chris would like him.'

'Didn't you say that he's one of the people that carried me here? I'm pretty sure I'm too tall for that.'

'It was Troye and Connor. Troye's taller. Tyler helped when he could. '

They watch over Chris in silence. Tyler and Chris's small movements causing the only noise in the room.

'What do you normally do?' Pj asks, breaking the quiet. Phil analyzes Pj’s face before answering.

'Talk to him.'

'About what?'

'What's been going on. Childhood. People we lost. You. Dan.' Phil laughs. He looks down at Chris. 'When we got here, we found a body. They took it with the other one to the woods to burn it yesterday.They found Susan.' Pj frowns.

'Susan?'

'The van. Chris must have parked it up and broke in on foot. There's a whole underground parking bay. They put it in there, thinking it could be useful. When I saw it, I told them who it belonged to. I went through and found some of my old stuff.'

'Like what?'

'Like my old hard drive. With all of our childhood pictures and videos on. And the grown up ones. Even some of Chris's acting. There's electricity here so I tried to see if it worked. It did.' Pj's mouth hangs open, eyes wide. Phil smiles at him and then down at Chris. 'We thought we'd lost all that. You better get better so we can go through it all.'

'That's amazing.' Pj interjects. He looks at Chris's face. 'Get better Chris.' He starts off smiling. The smile dies whilst he speaks. 'Please. You need to know everything.' He starts to cry. 'The last thing I ever heard from you was that I deserved better. I don't deserve better. I don't want better. I want you.' Tears stream down his face. Phil gets out of his chair and walks around the bed. Tyler wakes up and watches.

'Peej...' Phil wraps his arms around Pj. He attempts to lead him away but Pj won't be moved.

'You've done nothing wrong. You deserve to live.' Pj starts screaming. 'Why did you want to die?' He sobs into Phil's shoulder. Still talking to Chris. 'I need you. I will always need you. Please don't make me live without you...Please.' He begs. Tyler stands up and faces Phil.

Phil looks at Chris. A scream builds up in him and dies in his throat.

Phil looks at Tyler.

'Get him out.' He orders. Pj starts protesting.

'No. No! Let me stay!' Tyler grabs Pj.

'I'm sorry.' Tyler whispers, dragging him out.

'No! Chris! I love you!' He shouts against Tyler.Fighting him. Tyler leads him away. Crying to himself whilst Tyler leads him away.

Phil stands above Chris. Unaware of his own tears.

His rage builds up.

He punches the wall. Again. And again. Blood running down his fist. He sits down next to Chris. Silent.

Eventually, Chris starts to murmur in his sleep. His words stilling Phil. Breaking him and fixing him simultaneously.

'Mum...you don't understand.' A pause. Phil's whole soul waits for Chris to speak.. 'I never told him because he never asked.’ Another pause. 'I'm a necessary monster, and he's the good in me.' Phil frowns. 'He never once asked about the wrong I did.'

Phil can't help himself from responding. His smile feeling oddly real. It's similar to the way Chris used to talk when he had too much to drink.

'What are you talking about Chris?'

'We're all monsters. We all are...But...But...What makes us not monsters? Love. I think it's love. I love him. He has this thing where he smiles and everything's better.'

'Are you talking about Pj, Chris?' Phil asks, not expecting a response.

'She was a monster. She had to die. Right?...No. No, she didn't. No one does.'

Phil waits for him to continue. This amount of coherency surprises him. Feeding his hope. The hope he's been ignoring. More silence. Chris shifting in his sleep.

'Nobody deserves to die, Chris. Even you.' Phil whispers in response. 'I'm sorry that you ever felt like you had to. I'm sorry you fell that far without me noticing. But you already forgave me. You know forgiveness. So you know you can get it for something you had to do.' Phil reaches forward and runs a hand through Chris's hair. 'I love you Christopher. I always will. Come back to me. To us.'

Chris's words shock Phil into silence.

'I love you too Phil.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj doesn't know where Tyler is leading him. He can hear their footsteps against the stone floors. He isn't crying anymore. He just feels empty.

'You okay there?'

The words startle Pj. He double takes Tyler's face. His eyes are focused onto him, they seem kind. He almost starts crying.

His words croak. 'Yeah.'

Tyler stops walking, pulling Pj in for a hug. Pj doesn't return it but he doesn't push Tyler away.

'I can't imagine how you feel right now.' Tyler pulls away, putting his arm around Pj's shoulders. Pj clears his throat.

'Where are we going?'

Tyler laughs. 'Well, I thought that you could use some comfort food.' Tyler turns his head to look at Pj. 'Seeing as for the first time in about two years, I can offer you that. I think we'll cash it in.'

Pj finds himself smiling. 'Totally not because you want some comfort food for yourself then?'

Tyler beams at him. 'It's like you already know me.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The room has several sources of soft light. It's warm and conversational. Ultimately comfortable. The walls are cream. It seems almost like a place to live in, apposed to an underground bunker. It contrasts drastically with the cold corridors Pj walked to reach here. The room is split up into three sections. A cooking area, unoccupied. A computer area, also unoccupied and switched off. Finally, a lounge.

There's five people that Pj doesn't know in it. Three that he does know. Dan and Emma smile at him. Luke nods in acknowledgement. The people sit together in a collection of chairs and sofas. Pj hears the end of their conversation before Tyler interrupts.

'So we're staying then?' A small woman with dark hair asks.

'Looks like it.' A man of about the same size responds.

'Dan! You're awake!' Tyler detaches himself from Pj. He runs and jumps at Dan. Dan falls to the ground.

'For gods sake Tyler.'

Pj watches them. Finding himself unable to smile like everyone else can. Even if Dan's smile seems restrained.

A cough from in front of him makes him jump.

The man who was speaking before stands in front of him. His hand is outstretched. Pj takes it and shakes it. The man doesn't smile at him, but seems friendly. Pj gets a sense of understanding.

'Hey mate. I'm Joe.' Pj nods.

'I'm Pj.'

Joe looks at Pj's red eyes. Blotchy face. His whole soul tells him to run away and let Zoe deal with him. But he's trying to learn how to deal with emotions again. He's trying. He doesn't have an excuse anymore. He can be human again. He almost lost the people he loves. He almost got them taken away from him. His biggest regret wasn't telling them he loved them enough. He guesses that this is somewhere to start. Maybe one day, he can tell Caspar the truth. He can fix himself.

Joe reaches up, putting his arm around Pj's shoulders. Leading him into the room.

'I'll make you a cup of tea. Sound good?'

Pj's smiles at him in response. 'Yes, please.'

Joe smiles at Pj as he walks them both to the kitchen. Zoe's confused smile when Joe sneaks a glance at her lighting his day. If Zoe, his big sister, believes in him then he can do anything.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj forces himself to take small sips from his cup. He's sat next to Dan. Joe's cooking him noodles. Pj doesn't seem to be the only person that's slightly shocked by this.

The group of people in the room have started introducing themselves. Pj is both glad for the distraction and fascinated by all these people.

A woman with blonde hair and a kind smile is the first to introduce herself. Her laugh is infectious.

'I'm Louise. Welcome to our...home I guess. Your home too now.' She beams at him. 'I have a daughter.. She's sleeping right now.' She points to the small woman next to her. 'This is my chummy Zoe and she's my platonic soulmate. I don't have a romantic mark. I also feel the need to inform you that you have amazing eyes.'

Dan starts laughing.

'Louise!'

'What?' The whole group rolling their eyes at her. Pj finds himself smiling.

'Thank you.' Pj responds. Louise turns to Zoe.

'See! He wasn't weirded out.'

'And that's a bloody miracle!' Joe shouts from the kitchen area.

'You stay out of this Joseph. ' Zoe responds. She turns to Pj. 'I'm Zoe Sugg. Louise is my soulmate. Joe is my brother and also my soulmate. I also have a romantic mark but I haven't found them yet.'

'Because all that matters in life is soulmates.' Dan remarks.

'Just because you found Mr Perfect and are practically joined at the hip with him.' Louise retorts.

'Phil and I are separate people.'

Zoe and Louise exchange a look.

Zoe leans forward, putting a hand on his knee.

'You keep telling yourself that.' She says mockingly.

Louise coughs. 'Codependent.'

'What was that?' Dan asks, a knowing look on his face.

She smirks at him. 'Nothing.'

Tyler interjects from his spot.

'Anyway! I'm Tyler Oakley.'

'Hello Tyler.' Dan interrupts. Tyler glares at him.

'Stop it you.'

'Never.' Dan replies. Tyler rolls his eyes, looking back at Pj.

'I'm from the great state of Michigan.' He raises a hand into the air. 'Shout out to baby Jesus.' He puts the hand back in his lap. The group chuckle at him. He moves his arms. Putting one around the each of the males sitting either side of him. 'These two are my soulmates.'

'Hi.'

'Hello!'

'This is Troye, romantic, and this is Connor, platonic. Connor is from Wisconsin. Troye's from some place called Australia, I don’t fucking know, I think he's lying-'

'Australia is real Ty-'

'-Stop yelling at me! Welcome to our little family Peej.' Tyler looks around the room. His eyes settling on the one person to have not been introduced. 'That's Hannah.'

Hannah turns and smiles at Pj.

'I'm Hannah, I'm also American. I was with two of my platonic soulmates, and Tyler, Connor, and Troye, visiting London when the travel stopped, we got stuck.'

'I thought we'd teleported here.' Tyler sasses in. Hannah ignores him.

'Grace, my soulmate, is asleep right now.' She looks down at the ground. 'My other soulmate didn't make it.'

Pj feels more for her now than he thinks he ever could have before, knowing there's a chance he could end up in the same position.

'I'm sorry.' Hannah looks up at Pj, understanding the sincerity.

'Mamrie was special. She died happy. I'm happy for that. She'd want us to be happy.'

The group accept her words, all of them having known loss.

The silence is interrupted by Joe swearing.

'Fucking shit!'

'Joe!' Zoe shouts.

'Sorry. I burnt myself on the hot water.'

Hannah starts laughing. 'Looks like you got a _scolding_.'

The whole group collectively groan. Pj laughs despite it all.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Ten minutes later, noodles are forced into Pj's hand. He tires to offload them to someone else. Being met with several disapproving glares. He forces himself to eat them.

'It's not exactly like we've got a shortage of food.' Emma states, trying to encourage him to consume his meal.

'This place was built to last.' Louise adds.

'What was it built for?' Dan asks.

'We think nuclear.' Hannah responds. 'Though it does zombies pretty well.'

Tyler speaks further. 'We turned off all the lights on the ground, electrified the fences, kept the cameras filming; they detect movement. Really, we're as safe as we can be.' He tells Dan.

'Are we ever really safe?' Pj whispers.

The whole room feels heavy with the words. Pj carries on eating.

'I think that if we work together, we could be.' Zoe finally says.

The group nod in unison.

'Do you think we can do it?' Connor speaks up.

'Live together?' Zoe questions.

'Yeah.'

Zoe frowns. 'I'm not sure. But I want to try.'

'Me too.' Louise answers.

'Same' Tyler adds.

The group add their support to Zoe's claim until the whole room has spoken except Luke, Pj and Dan.

The room falls into a comfortable silence. Pj finishes his noodles. Putting the empty bowl on the side in front of him. He coughs, gaining the attention of the room, desiring only Tyler's.

'Do you think that I can go back now?'

Tyler nods. 'You feel any better?'

'A little.' Pj answers, mostly attempting to be polite.

Tyler stands up brushing himself off. Pj does the same. Dan following after him.

'Lets go.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan finds himself putting his arm around Pj on the walk there. The idea of letting him walk alone is impossible to him. They walk past the room Dan and Pj had been laid to sleep in. Not too far away from the communal room. A fair distance from the room they put Chris in. Chris was making more noise, Dan supposes.

Tyler stops walking at the end of a hallway.

'I'll leave you guys here.' He turns around pulling Dan in for a quick hug. 'I'm not needed.' He breaks apart the hug, surprising Pj by hugging him next.

Tyler breaks away from Pj. He begins to walk back the way he came. Dan doesn't know what enters his mind. But he feels he must.

'Tyler!'

Tyler turns around quickly, question in his eyes. Behind the broken glasses that have been repaired with duct tape.

'What?'

'You know Connor and Troye-'

'I might have heard of them.'

Dan rolls his eyes. His words take a somberness that he hadn't expected.

'When you get back, just...treasure them.'

Tyler lets out a small sad smile.

'I always will.'

Dan and Pj watch Tyler walk back down the hallway. The sparse lights flicker for a second. The hallway is cold, Dan has goosebumps.

Pj feels better for eating, but he's still not sure how to feel. He thinks that if Chris doesn't make it, he never will be.

They nod at each other, a silent agreement, before walking down the hallway to Chris's room.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan and Pj don't pause before walking to the room. Phil's sleeping in his chair. The blood covering his hand and face startles them both. Dan runs forward, analyzing him. Running his palm over all the places that Phil is bloody. Pj takes a few steps closer to Chris.

'It's stopped, the blood’s from his hand.' Dan announces. Pj frowns.

'How?'

'I don't know. I'm going to go get some medical stuff from that cupboard a couple doors down. Will you be okay for a few minutes?' Dan turns to ask Pj the question. Pj nods and Dan runs out of the door.

Pj looks down at Chris's sleeping body. That same despair from earlier rising back up in him. But none of the anger this time. Pj slowly walks around the bed and into the spare chair. He pulls the chair closer to Chris, it makes a squeaking noise and he winces.

Pj reaches forward and takes Chris's hand. He looks over at Chris's other hand, seeing some of Phil's blood on it.

Pj looks at Phil's sleeping face. Currently peaceful. The blood serving as a reminder of what resides within him.

Pj looks at Chris again. His cold hand in his serving as a reminder of what he tried to do before Pj even knew him. Dan used to be more confident. More open with people. Free. Pj runs his spare hand over his face. The threat of tears coming back up in him.

Everyone here is a little broken. The dead started walking and now everyone is this. A twisted version of them? A true version of them?

Pj doesn't know, he does know it doesn't matter though.

None of it will matter if Chris doesn't wake up.

He hears Dan coming back.

Pj has one last dream. His last hope is that if they get to stay here, that maybe they can heal. It's never too late to heal. He's learnt that lesson.

Dan appears at the door frame. He walks over to Phil.

'You find it?' Pj questions. Dan nods, not looking away from Phil.

'Yeah.'

They each focus on their romantic soulmate for a second. Dan pondering where to start. Pj watches Dan place the small stack of medial wipes on the table next to Chris’s bed. Pj sighs.

'Dan, take him to bed.'

Dan freezes. 'What?'

'Take him to your bedroom. Have a shower. Get a nights sleep.' Pj laughs, it's bitter. 'Have sex. Clean up his hand. Fucking cuddle.' He whispers. 'Just do it. You both need it.'

Dan's mouth moves without aim, eventually it closes. He nods once with determination.

'Do you want me to get anyone to keep you company?' Dan asks. Pj shakes his head.

He lifts up the hand he has interlinked with Chris's. 'I've got him. He's all I need.' Dan nods again. 'Do you know where your room is?'

'Yes, Emma and Luke showed me it earlier.'

Dan leans down, thankful for the fetal position Phil is in. Dan gathers Phil into his arms and stands.  He runs a hand over his hair, kissing his forehead. His strength surprises Pj. Though it wouldn't surprise him if Phil wasn't too heavy. Nobody eats enough anymore.

'Have fun.' Pj whispers, an attempt at humor.

Dan smiles at him. 'Goodnight Peej.'

Dan ducks out of the door. Walking along the hall until Pj can't hear the rhythmical taps of his feet on the rock floor.

A few tears run down Pj's face. He lets go of Chris's hand, getting out of his chair. He brushes the wetness away while he shuts the door. On the way back, he picks up some wipes from Chris's medical supplies. He removes Phil's blood from Chris's hand with quick dabs. Pj returns to his own seat.

He lets out a loud huff of air. The first deep breath he's taken in days.

He reaches out and takes Chris's hand again. Words fly out of his mouth.

'Phil told me your body was cold when you tried to kill yourself.' Pj smiles down at Chris. 'I'm not going to say I understand. I won't be able to understand until you explain it. But I will understand. I'll try and make you feel better when you need it. Is that okay? I won't smother you or anything. Nobody likes to be smothered.'

Pj takes his own words in, he laughs again, looking up at the ceiling.

'My mum was a smotherer. Loved her anyway. She loved me too. I miss her _so much_. I miss my dad too. I miss my sister. I miss Sophie, Jamie, Louis. I don't get how I lived and they didn't. They deserve this just as much as I do. I loved all of them and they loved me. I hate the world.'

Pj looks back at Chris's face. He shakes his head, tears rolling out freely.

'I lied. I don't hate the world. I hate you not being here right now. I hate that they never got to meet you. Nobody hates the world, they just hate their world.'

A thought occurs to Pj. How this could be the last day Chris is okay. His wound could get infected tomorrow. This could be the last time.

He needs this.

'I'm going to sleep on top of the covers. Next to you. Is that okay?'

Pj lets go of Chris's hand. He sits backwards on the bed. His back against Chris's side. Pj removes his shoes, throwing them away. He swings his body around, laying down next to Chris, facing the ceiling. It still feels wrong to him. He turns onto his side. His face watching Chris's. He rests an arm lightly over Chris's stomach, careful to avoid any wounds. He's glad he's not on the side that got shot. It might be a bit harder then. He's sitting on Chris's right.

'Is this okay?' He asks again, half expecting Chris to wake up and tell him to _'Get under the fucking covers'_ but it doesn't happen. Chris lays still. Pj can hear his breathing. Feel it under his arm. It could be so much worse, he reminds himself.

'I'm sorry I shouted earlier.' He also reminds himself of how much better it could be. 'I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have. I really upset Phil.' Pj sadly smiles. 'He’s with Dan now though. He'll feel better.'

Pj waits for a response, knowing he won't get one.

He closes his eyes, moving so that his forehead is touching the side of Chris's head. He breathes in Chris's scent, 

'I'm sorry if this is weird.'

Pj laughs.

'I'm sorry if I'm apologizing too much.'

A few more minutes of quiet.

'I miss you.'

More moments.

'I love you.'

Silence.

'Goodnight Chris.'

After a short amount of time, Pj falls asleep pressed against Chris.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil wakes up halfway to their room. He looks up at Dan. Trying his best to be easy to carry. Dan is walking them to their room.

Their room.

That should make Phil happy. If Phil could smile right now, he would, but his hand hurts. It reminds him of everything. He can't smile right now.

Dan pushes the door open with his hip. Walking forward, Dan gently places Phil on the bed. Phil doesn't complain. Dan goes back and shuts the door. He goes into their bathroom, the water supply comes from underground and nearby rivers. All of it's filtered. It's completely safe and won't run out. Dan regards this as a miracle, but it makes sense. Why would they make a bunker without water? He turns on the taps, hot water beginning to pour out of them.

Hot being an overstatement. Tepid is the more suiting word. 

Dan returns to the bedroom. Moving over to the bed where Phil now sits. Kneels on the ground in front of him. Covering Phil's right hand with his left, trying to not hurt him. Dan holds Phil's jaw. Looking up into his eyes. Thousands of things Dan could say to make things better come into his mind, but he knows better than to say any of them, you don't make promises you can't keep.

Looking up into Phil's blue eyes, wet with tears. He's reminded of two things; where Chris is, and more selfishly, where Phil could have been.

'I love you.' 

Phil smiles down at him.

'I love you too.'

Dan leans up pressing their lips together. His stomach still flips when Phil kisses back. He wonders if it always will.

He feels Phil crying again. Dan pulls away, Phil begins to complain. Dan cuts him off by kissing his neck. Then moving up to place a peck to his jaw. Kissing along it, until he's back at Phil's lips. One bout of contact there, and he finally pulls back onto kneeling on the ground.

'I'm sorry, Philly. But I've got to go check on Peej. It's not right to leave him by himself.'

Phil nods. 'Tell him I'm sorry for earlier.'

Dan kisses Phil on the cheek once.

'He'll understand, whatever you did.'

'I made him leave because he started shouting.'

Dan leans up, kissing his forehead this time.

'That's understandable, from both of you. He seemed better when we left.'

Dan moves down, staring directly into Phil's eyes.

'I did the right thing?'

'You always do.'

'I don't Dan.'

A hand back on Phil's jaw.

'We all make mistakes. We have to learn from them, not change ourselves completely to never repeat them.' A kiss. Dan draws back to look into Phil's eyes once more. 'We have to do whatever we can to be happy.'

'I was happy.' Phil lets out a tiny dead smile.

'When?'

'Back when I was with Chris. Back in school. When I found you. When I had both of you and Pj.' Phil's breath hitches. 'What if he doesn't properly wake up Dan?'

Phil squeezes his eyes shut, a singular sob escaping from him. Dan's never seen Phil like this. Dan kisses both of his shut eyes. He pulls both of their bodies together, rocking them. He turns to talk into Phil's ear.

'Then we find some other way to be happy. And remember him. He told me some things before he went into the building. I'll tell you both them if he doesn't wake up. We'll remember him. We'll survive. We'll live in his memory.' Phil opens his eyes, red with sadness.

'What about Pj?' Phil blubbers.

'We'll help him.' Dan responds calmly. Phil nods. 'We're going to live a happy life, loads of food, video games. We'll have little babies, name them after band members, and we won't have to worry about them getting bullied or anything. They'll have your pretty eyes and my stupid laugh.' Dan smiles at Phil, who's trying to smile back. 'Hopefully, they won't get a combination of our clumsiness.'

Phil laughs, heavy with tears.

'You do know that's not physically possible right? We're both men.'

'That's quitter talk Philip.'

Both of them laughing. A little smile from Phil is all it takes to make Dan feel better. A moment of silence settles.

'I love you.' Phil whispers.

Dan smiles at him.

'I love me too.' Phil tries to pout but laughs again. 'You know I love you, you Spork.' Dan jumps up, so he's standing in front of Phil. He bends over, kissing the top of his head. 'Go get in the bath. I'll be back in a minute.'

Dan holds out both of his hands, Phil takes them. letting himself be pulled up. He trips when he's fully standing. Pushing him slightly loser to Dan then he intended. Dan rolls his eyes.

Pulling him in for a long hug. Taking in his scent.

Phil finally breaks them apart. His tears drying on his face.

'Go.' Phil orders. Dan nods, moving to leave. At the last second, Phil grabs his hand. Pulling him back in for a kiss.

This one is deeper. They can taste each other's mouths. Dan hears the music. Smiling against Phil's desperate mouth. Phil's eyes are dilated. Phil can't see the dilation in Dan's eyes. He thinks they're beautiful, knowing that Dan's self conscious about them. Dan's lips are chapped, but Phil's are soft. Both of them have a small amount of stubble. Neither of them caring. Phil breaks apart the kiss after a short while. Knowing that if it got any hotter, he couldn't stop.

'Now do I go?' Dan snarks. His lips are redder than usual. Phil rolls his eyes at him.

'Go.' Phil commands again. Dan is at the door frame when he stops him this time. 'Wait!' Dan turns around. Phil takes his shirt off, letting it fall to the floor. Dan smirks at him. 'Don't take too long.'

'Believe me. I won't.'

Dan runs down the hallway. Phil listens until he can't hear him any longer before going into the bathroom.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan finds the door of Chris's room closed. He opens it slowly, peeking in to see Pj asleep on the bed with Chris. Dan smiles at them and closes the door.

He runs back to the communal area. Zoe says that she'll check in on them every hour or two.Dan returns to his room. Closing the door after him.

Phil shouts his name out from the bathroom. Dan takes off his clothes, placing them next to Phil's. He smiles as he opens the bathroom door.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Troye had smiled at him when Tyler had walked into the room. Tyler had gone and sat next to him and Connor. A hand on Troye's leg, a simple gesture he doesn't let himself indulge in often. But during his shower, all he could hear was Dan's words.

_'Just...treasure them.'_

He puts his other arm around Connor's back. Connor jumps at the touch, relaxing into it when he realizes it's Tyler.

Both of them accept the gesture with little thought.

Tyler looks at them both, feeling temporarily out of his body, like he's looking out of eyes that don't belong to him.

He was practically handed these two people. These two amazing people were given marks that matched his and handed to him.

They've been through shit. There were times that Troye could barely speak and Connor hated himself. Tyler did his best to keep them all together. He did his best to keep Hannah and Grace together too. For Mamrie.

They're here now. He did his job. They're as safe as they ever can be.

Everyone is shocked when he starts to cry. He isn't one for tears. He keeps it in. Normally the only person that gets any of the flack is Troye.

A few people try to say things, ask questions. It's pointless to ask questions, all the answers to _'Why are you sad?'_ became the same.

Connor pats him on the back, nodding to Troye. Troye takes his hand, pulling him up. Walking him out of the room.

He walks Tyler slowly back to the room. Gentle words. Declarations of love that are practically covered in sugar.

The door closes, Troye flips the lock.

Troye lets his lips comfort Tyler. Lets his kisses tell his story along with his words.

'I love you. You know that right?' Troye declares.

Tyler lets out a laugh. His cheeks wet.

'Yes.' Troye smiles at him again, his toothy grin. Tyler smiles back. 'I love you so much.' He reaches out, pulling Troye in for another kiss. 'I'm going to treasure you for life.'

Troye's confused frown makes Tyler laugh again.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris can feel warmth at his side. It's nice. It hurts slightly less to breath.

Bright flashes light up under his eye lids. Small amount of pain accompany them. He couldn't hear words a while ago. Then he could. Then he couldn't again. He's not sure if he's falling asleep or not. He's not sure of anything much.

He feels heavy. Like he did something wrong.

He can't put his finger on it.

With a large shot of pain, he sees bright yellow and stops thinking.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj's eyes flutter open. He's looking at Chris's head and for a second, he doesn't realize where he is. He pulls back to look at Chris, hoping for any change. There is none. Chris remains passive. Pj tucks himself back into his previous position, kicking himself for even hoping.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Time passes. Chris knows that.

When he realized he could hear, he was ecstatic.

When he realized he couldn't move, he was less so.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'You know I'd really appreciate it if you woke up.'

 _'I'm trying Pj.'_ He thinks. The words don't come out of his mouth. He wishes, more than anything, that they would.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

More time. People enter and leave the room. Little conversations occur. Apparently Chris is in a bunker, with everyone else. That doesn't exactly make sense to him, surely if there was a bunker she would have been in it.

She. The woman he killed.

The woman he killed for selfish reasons. The woman who was just looking to absolve her guilt. Even if her methods were fucked up. It could be claimed that everything is fucked up these days.

He guesses she had reasons for staying above.

She had a safe place the whole time, but she ignored it in order to try and 'save' people.

Chris feels worse for the knowledge.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris is feeling more and more as hours pass. He knows it's hours from the amount of times people come into the room.

He thinks he's falling asleep and waking up. He swears Dan and Phil were here a second ago. But they're gone now. It's just Pj again. He listens to him talking. Chris feels like he should be smiling but he can't.

'So you've been asleep for three days now.' Pj lets out a little laugh. 'Just be thankful the food things they found work. I don't know what we'd do without them, or the books that tell us how to use all this shit. I'm thankful for all that.'

 _'I am thankful. But for more than just that.'_ The words are said out loud in his head.

Pj doesn't say anything for a short while. He has his hand in Chris's. Sitting beside the bed. He's tracing around the pattern of Chris's soul mark, the one he shares with Phil. Occasionally, he runs his fingers up Chris's arm and trails them back.

Chris can practically hear him think.

'Phil said you were talking the other day-'

_'-I was?-'_

'He wasn't sure what about. Apparently you were talking to your mum.'

 _'I thought that was a dream?'_ He questions himself.

'It's just you haven't said anything since.' Pj whispers. 'I'm scared you might be getting worse.'

_'Don't be.'_

'Please don't be getting worse.' A few second pause. 'I need you to be okay.'

It occurs to Chris that if he can't even move to comfort the person he loves. 

 _'Peej, Love, I might be getting worse. You need to be okay.'_ He tells Pj. Chris can't figure out why he still does, Pj can't hear him.

Pj sighs.

'I'm so fucking scared Chris.' He laughs a little, attempting to hide his pain. 'Phil definitely is too. He keeps calling you Christopher by the way.' Pj laughs again, this time seeming more genuine. 'I keep on having to not laugh when he does it. Seeing as I've only ever used that for you in bed.'

_'It was a van and a bath actually.'_

'Well not ever actually a bed. I guess we made do.'

_'I view myself as inventive.'_

There’s a pause before Pj speaks again.

'We have a bed now. We're all staying in a residential bit they found next the to the medical wing. It was for convenience. I haven't actually slept in our bed yet. Looks comfy though.' Chris thinks he would smile if he could at Pj's rambling. 'This place is massive. There's about five residential bits. Food storage. Other supplies. Weapons. Mechanics. A complete library. There's a whole underground storage for cars, they're keeping the van there.'

_'They found the fucktruck?'_

'They found a body when they first got here. They took it away from here to burn so they wouldn't attract zombies or anything. They found it and brought it back. Phil recognized it. I was still asleep. Phil already told you this actually, my bad.'

_'Really?'_

'He has all your old videos and pictures too on his old hard drive. He's not opened the folders or anything since checking it worked. Everyone down here is sort of anxious to see it. Nobody else has any of their old stuff. They want to steal yours.'

Chris can't comprehend what he's hearing. They have it all? They can't. That all went ages ago. But now he's being told that he can see all those old memories. Chris tries to jump up, but he still can't.

_'It's okay, they can have them too.'_

Pj deeply breaths. He takes one of his hands off Chris.

'I miss you, so much.' A sob from Pj.

Chris can feel all his anger sum up. He can't even move his own body.

 _'I'm here!'_ He screams. He can hear Pj sniffling. _'Don't be upset! I'm here Pj. I'm okay! I'm trying to come back to you, please don’t. I love you.'_

He can hear Pj forcing himself to take deep equal breaths. He speaks to Chris quickly, not letting his breath hitch.

'I met Louise's daughter the yesterday. She's really sweet. She's been talking to Phil about you.' Pj laughs, the laugh is corrupted with tears. 'I think she saw that I'd been crying. She does that apparently. Tries to help people she thinks are hurting.'

 _'It's the best way to be.'_ Chris adds his secondary thought. _'As long as she isn't putting herself in danger.'_

'She was the only person Luke talked to after he got tortured. She's the reason that he could let Emma back in. You'll like Luke.' Pj thinks. 'You'll like all of them. You and Tyler are going to be a nightmare. Troye and I are probably going to start a support club. You'll like Emma too. Hannah's all about optimism, we could all use that. You especially.'

 _'I'm getting better with that. You make me optimistic.'_ Chris adds. _'Sometimes.'_

'Grace is really funny. Connor too. Troye's shy but nice. Caspar can be a bit weird but he's funny too. You, Tyler, Caspar and Joe are going to have loads of fun.' Chris can hear the affection in Pj's voice. 'You'll probably drag Phil along too.'

_'He'll probably be spending too much time with Dan. I'll bring you or go lone wolf.'_

'I'm not sure if you met Joe. He's Zoe's brother.'

_'We met at university. He was visiting Zoe so I didn't stay too long.'_

'Then that's all of us. You and I. Dan and Phil. Louise and her daughter. Zoe and her brother. Caspar, he's Joe's soulmate by the way. Apparently it's a bit weird so we're not supposed to ask. Tyler and Troye, soulmates. Connor is Tyler's platonic soulmate too. Then there's Hannah and Grace, platonic. And Emma and Luke.'

 _'That many?'_ Chris asks, pointlessly. He’s surprised by the high number.

'I know, it's weird right. There's sixteen of us. Feels like more. Everyone's nice though. I've never met people so kind. I think we all just sort of want to live in peace now.' Pj lets out a huff of amusement. 'All too tired to start a fight.'

_'You deserve peace too Pj.'_

Pj squeezes Chris hand tight.

'Is it okay if I sleep on the bed next to you again?'

_'Again? And of course.'_

Pj lets go of Chris's hand. There's some rustling that Chris can hear. Eventually, that familiar warmth is at his side.

'This okay?' Chris would be smiling if he could. He think he'd be laughing too.

_'Of course you dickhead. Get under the covers whilst you're at it.'_

'I'm sorry if it's not.'

_'You don't need to be sorry. It's okay to take up space Pj.'_

'Goodnight Christopher.'

_'Goodnight Peej.'_

'I love you.'

Chris knows he's not dreaming, otherwise he would have been shocked awake. He honestly has no idea how he isn't smiling.

_'I love you too.'_

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris hears Pj's breaths even out. He aches to be able to pull him in. Wrap his arms around him. Kiss him.

He hears a light tap at the door. It opens. He hears a slight exhalation. The switching of a light switch. A voice.

'Sweet dreams Pj.' It takes a second for Chris to recognize her.

_'Louise?'_

'Sweet dreams Chris, wake up soon. It’s been too long.'

The door shuts whilst Chris silently promises her.

_'I'll try.'_

Chris listens to Pj's breathing once more. Falling into sleep to the rhythm of it.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Joe knows it's late. Everybody has gone to bed. But he needs to do this now. Otherwise he's going to get scared and stall for another couple of years.

The whole thing might be too late. Caspar might have lost his faith in him.

Joe has his hand on the door handle. Debating everything. A voice makes him jump.

'I believe in you, Joseph Sugg.' He turns around quickly. Smiling when he sees Zoe, standing at the door of Louise’s room.

'Do you think he still wants me?' Joe asks. Zoe lets out a laugh..

'Of course he does. I think what he wants most of all is to not be messed around anymore.'

Joe looks at the door once more, and then back at his sister.

'I'm terrified Zoe.'

She smiles at him. 'I know Caspar isn't what you were expecting. I know you find this hard. But Joe, if you go in there.' She nods towards the door. 'If you finally tell him how you feel, imagine what could happen.'

'What if he rejects me?'

Zoe laughs.

'He won't reject you Joe. And if he does, you'll figure it out. You just need to go in now.'

Joe nods at the door with determination. He pushes down on the door handle.

'Thanks Zoe.'

'You're welcome. Good luck little brother.'

Joe turns to wish her a goodnight, but by the time he makes it. She's gone back into the room. He chuckles. He opens the door.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Joe, what's up?'

Joe didn't think Caspar saying three words to him would ever be harder to respond to.

Caspar's room is messier than his. That's typical. They've been here for days and Caspar's still managed to make his room his.

Caspar's sitting on his bed. There are bags under his eyes. He's reading.

It doesn't surprise Joe that Caspar can't sleep either. The only person here that can sleep properly is the person that's comatose. And sometimes the four year old.

Caspar's looking at him expectantly.

Words won't come out of Joe's mouth. He runs a hand through his hair.

'I had a plan.'

Caspar frowns at him. Caspar leans over putting his book on his table.

He leans back, tapping the bed beside him.

'Come tell me about it.'

Joe nods, moving and jumping onto the bed beside Caspar. He doesn't take his eyes of him.

Thousands of possible sentences come to Joe's head.

The words still won't come out. He makes a noise of frustration.

'I still can't do it.' Joe complains, burying his face in his hand.

'Do what?' Caspar asks, pulling at Joe's hands until his face is exposed again.

Joe looks over at Caspar. He makes a decision.

Actions speak louder than words.

He throws himself at him. Pressing their lips together.

He feels Caspar kiss back. Thanking anything he can think of for it.

They break apart. Lips red. Breathing heavy.

'That.' Joe says. Caspar laughs, Joe finds it magical.

He kisses him again. Both of them with smiles on their faces.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Louise walks back through the bunker to her room slowly. The flickering lights not bothering her.

Every time she reaches a familiar door, she names the contents of the room. It passes the time.

'Library. Nursery. Emma and Luke's room. Nothing. Tyler and Troye's room. Empty. Empty. Dan and Phil's.' She sucks in a breath after the next empty room. 'Maybe Pj and Chris's.' She tries to shake away the thoughts. 'He'll be fine. Nothing. Connor's room. Zoe's room. Joe's room. Hannah's room. Grace's room. Kitchen and sofas. Garage stairs. Other stairs. Caspar's room. Our room.'

She presses down on the door handle of her room. The room linked to her daughter's. She finds Zoe sitting on the bed, smiling to herself.

'She's still asleep.'

Louise nods. 'Good. Pj and Chris are fine.' Louise lets out a shaky breath. ‘I’m going to have to get Pj to eat something tomorrow though.’The smile wipes off Zoe's face. She stands up, pulling Louise into a hug.

'They'll be fine. You don’t have to take care of everyone Louise.’

'We don't know that and yes, I do.' Zoe pulls away. Looking up into her soulmates eyes. Frowning.

'What happened to my 'Never Stop Dreaming.' Louise?' She asks, smile on her mouth not spreading to her eyes.

'She grew up.' Louise answers.

'I know. But we still need to dream.' Zoe tries to remind her.

Both of them nod.

'I'll try. For you.' Louise thinks about her child. She gestures towards the neighboring room. 'And for her.' Zoe smiles up at her.

'Speaking of dreams, guess what?' Zoe teases.

'What?' Louise demands, confused smile on her lips.

'Our Joseph Sugg just entered the room of a Caspar Lee to get his shit together.'

Louise lets out a little squeal which Zoe matches. She pulls Zoe in for another hug.

'Oh thank goodness! I was beginning to think I'd have to sit them down myself.'

'I think Tyler was actually going to beat you to that.'

'I would have sat them down for an intellectual chat. Tyler would have smashed their faces together.' Louise declares.

'You say that Chummy. But it probably would have been the other way around.' Zoe explains.

'I'm invested okay?' Louise shouts, confirming it.

Both of them laugh.

'Okay.' Zoe responds.

'Do you want to stay here tonight?' Louise asks. Fully aware of the large bags under Zoe's eyes and the tired stare.

'Yes please.'

They lay together on the bed, chatting the night away. Laughing at memories. Until the bunker awakens.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris comes back into consciousness. Time has passed, people are in the room talking. Chris could feel his body yesterday, today he is more aware of the pain. It pulses through him like a heart beat. He doesn't try to move, listening in on the conversation. Pj isn't laying by his side any longer, nor holding his hand.

'Pj, I don't know you that well. But I know Chris, he wouldn't mind.'

Chris recognizes Louise's voice again. There's a younger voice, he guesses her daughter, singing to herself.

'I'm not leaving him.' Pj declares.

'Mummy, what does-'

'Give me a second, baby.' A small pause in speech. 'Phil will be here in a while.'

'Then I'll wait for him.'

'You need to eat. Did you sleep last night?'

'Yes and I can wait for food, I've made a habit of it in the last few months.'

'Mummy, I can't read this word.'

Chris can hear a rustling of paper.

'Break it up into little chunks with me. Bea-u-ti-ful' The younger voice says it with Louise. Exclaiming afterwards.

'The beautiful Princess kissed the Prince!'

'Good girl, now carry on reading whilst I talk to Pj. Okay?'

The sound of a kiss.

'Okay.'

Chris can hear two footsteps before Louise is obviously back to her previous position.

'Pj, you need to get out of this room for a bit.'

'I will when Chris wakes up.'

A sigh. 'I know this is hard for you Pj, but you've got to talk to people. Maybe even go outside for a while. It gets a bit claustrophobic down here. You've only spent about an hour away from here since you woke up.'

'Louise, I will do all those things. When he wakes up.'

Another pause.

'Mummy, what's this word?'

'In a minute, Baby. Pj, you'll waste away in here. He wouldn't want that.'

'He's not exactly here to stop it.'

'Pj-' Louise says sadly. '-that's exactly the point. I've known Chris for years. I love him. I haven't seen him since this whole thing began. He never even met my daughter. Phil thought he was dead so I did too. Knowing he wasn't and I missed my chance to see him again, will haunt me if he doesn't wake up-'

'-I don't know what I'll do if he doesn't wake up Louise. That's why I need to be here.'

'Mummy, please.'

'Not now, Sweetheart. Pj, you do know that there are other things to live for than Chris. Right?'

'Yes.'

'Tell me them.'

'Food? Showers? Books?'

'Be serious.'

Pj sighs this time. He starts to talk and gets interrupted by a younger voice.

'What's wrong with him Mummy?'

Chris can feel the tension in the room.

Chris hears Louise begin to cry.

'Louise.' He hears Pj say reassuringly. He hears a small noise of surprise. He guesses that Pj hugged her.

Louise chokes out words through tears.

'Why am I crying? He's not my soulmate. You should be.'

'I think I'm all cried out. And yes, he's my soulmate. But he's your friend too.'

'Thank you, Pj.'

'It's okay, Louise.'

A moments pause.

'Nobody answered my question.' The little girl cuts in again. No malice in her words, just curiosity.

'He won't wake up Sweetheart.' Pj answers her. Chris imagines that he's lent down to talk to her. It seems like something his soulmate would do.

'Oh, okay. Why is everyone so sad about it?'

It's Louise that answers this time.

'Because we're not sure he ever will.'

'Can I try and wake him up?'

Chris thinks that the two adults must exchange a look.

'As long as you go around the other side of the bed so that you don't hurt him.'

Chris can hear the little run she does.

Suddenly he feels two taps on his good shoulder.

Chris's eyes open. He gasps, blinking away the bright lights. The little girl with wild blonde hair smiles at him. Two noises of surprise come from behind him. Pj exclaims his name.

'Chris!'

'Mummy and Pj really wanted you to wake up. Sorry, if you were having a nice dream Mr.'

Leaning up in his bed. Hissing with pain.Chris has to cough before he speaks. His throat is dry and raw. He smiles back at her.

'That's okay.'

'Before everybody starts talking, could you help me with this word please?'

Chris laughs at her.

'Since you were so polite.' Chris taps the side of his bed. She jumps up, sitting next to him. She points at the cardboard picture book in front of her.

'This one please.'

'Do you want to break it up with me? Th-r-ou-gh.'

'Through.' She smiles up at Chris. 'The princess ran through the doors.' The little girl frowns. 'But that's silly, the witch lives there.'

'These silly Princesses.' Chris tuts. The girl giggles.

'Do you want to read the rest with me? There’s only three pages.'

'Of course.'

'Chris.' Pj sounds scandalized. Chris looks at him for the first time. Familiarizing himself with his features once more.

'I'm needed Pj.' Chris smiles at him. Pj can't help but grin back. Louise looks close to tears. Chris smiles at her. He smiles back down at her daughter. 'Wait, if you woke me up, do you know what that makes you?'

The little girls mouth falls open.

'A fairy!' She jumps up. 'And you're the princess!' The little girl rambles on. 'And Pj's the prince! And Mummy's the...'

'Witch?'

'Chris!' Louise scolds.

'No, Mummy's a.... what's the word?'

Tyler walks in from his point of watching.

'Queen?'

The girl jumps at his voice. Nodding dramatically afterwards and firstly Tyler, and then Chris.

'That.'

Chris looks down at her.

'So I'm a Princess, Pj's a prince, Mummy's a Queen and you're a fairy?'

The girl nods and smiles.

'Yes.' She puts one finger on Chris's forehead. 'Now you have superpowers.'

Chris grins at her. 'I'll test them later, should we read?'

'Yes please!'

'Should I go get Phil?' Tyler asks. 'I was just checking up for him.'

'Yes please.' Louise answers.

Tyler leaves.

Louise and Pj exchange a look as Chris makes her read from the beginning. Louise shrugs at Pj. Both of them taking chairs. Louise takes the seat next to her daughter.

Louise starts to think that maybe dreaming again wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

Pj takes the other seat, reaching out and taking Chris's less dominate, more injured, right hand. grasping it in his and refusing to let it go.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

‘Mummy, can you read out the last page? You’re always the best at it.’

Louise rolls her eyes affectionately. ‘And they lived happily ever after.’

The little girl claps and giggles. Turning around to look at Chris.

‘I did not see that ending coming.’ Chris says, Pj snorts. She frowns.

‘I thought it was obvious.’

Chris starts laughing until it hurts his bullet wound and he has to stop.

After Louise and Pj assure he’s okay again. The room goes quiet. Chris is still tired. He’s laying back down in bed now. With Louise holding her daughter in her lap.

Pj smiles down at him, a hand on his face, brushing Chris’s hair with the tips of his fingers.

‘You have to stay awake or Phil’s going to be annoyed.’

‘I will.’ The two lock eyes for a second. Louse coughs.

‘We’re going to go and see what’s taking them so long.’ She lifts her daughter off her lap. They walk to the door. ‘Be back later, I’ll bring Zoe too. We were devastated when Phil told us you were dead ’

'How did that go down?'

Louise frowns. He looks over at her daughter. She's no longer paying attention to the conversation. Rereading her book, sitting on the floor by the door. Louise walks back over to the two of them.

'We found Dan and Phil. Tyler and Emma were about to shoot them. Then I recognized him. I shouted for them to not. He recognized my voice. Then Zoe saw it too. We all sort of ended up on the ground. Bear hugs all around.'

Chris chuckles.'Sounds like you guys.' Louise grimaces.

'I was stupid. He told us that the guy he was with was Dan and that he was his soulmate. I asked where you were and he started sobbing.'

Chris's face darkens.

'Oh.'

'Zoe got it first that time. It didn't even click to me that you were dead for a while. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.'

'I'm not dead.'

'Why was Phil sobbing Chris?'

'What do you mean?'

'I mean, Phil never told us how you'd died. We'd all assumed he was there. That he saw it. We gathered that Dan knew too. But like you said you're not dead, so why was he so upset? Why did he give up on you so easily?'

'I still don't understand.' Louise sighs.

'Why, instead of being determined to find you, did Phil assume you were dead? What happened to the two of you?'

Chris's grip on Pj's hand gets tighter. It hurts.

'Do you want her to know Chris?' Pj asks.

Chris looks at his face. A deep sigh.

'Yes.' He looks at the little girl. 'But it's not something she can hear.'

'She won't hear us.' Louise responds. Her daughter has overheard some horrible things. She's stopped listening to the world around her.

'I tried to kill myself Louise.'

Louise gasps, covering her mouth.

'I hadn't even thought about that.'

Chris lets out a huff of air.

'Are you okay now? With the living thing?' Louise questions, stumbling over words.

Chris smiles. 'I'm getting better with the living thing.'

'Good. That's good. We can help you if you need it.' Louise says. Chris's eyes widen.

'You would do that?'

'Of course.' Louise looks at her daughter. 'We're going to go find Phil. It looks like he really could use seeing you again for more reasons than I thought.'

'Don't tell everybody.' Chris demands. Louise looks at him with wide eyes.

'I wouldn't do that Chris.' Chris relaxes. She stands up. Patting her daughter on the shoulder and bringing her back into the real world. 'Come on sweetheart, we have to go find Philip.'

The little girl nods at her mother with a smile. She runs to the door. Stopping before she leaves, turning back around.

'Bye Pj! It was nice meeting you Christopher!' She shouts. She leaves the room and Chris laughs. Louise rolls her eyes.

'I'll catch up with her.' Louise leaves the room quickly.

Chris shouts after her.

‘Love you Louise!’

‘Love you too Chris!’

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They both listen to the pairs of footsteps walking away. Quiet murmuring voices edging out of hearing until they're gone.

It's just the two of them.

Chris tries to pull himself up so he's sitting. Hissing with pain as he does so.

Pj helps him after a few seconds. Chris grabs his hand before he can sit in back down. Pulling him so he's sat on the bed next to him. Pj gets the message, readjusting himself so he's comfortable and next to Chris. Chris puts his arms around Pj. Pj tucks his head under Chris's chin. Chris kisses the top of it. Remembering his scent.

'You okay?' Chris asks, unsure of what to say. Rubbing reassuring circles onto his back.

'Honest answer?' Pj pulls away so he can look at Chris's face when he talks to him.

'Yes.' Chris responds.

'I've been better.' Pj laughs. Chris smiles at him.

Pj looks at how broken his body looks. Covered in bandages in dirt. In the cleanest clothes they could find. Some sweat still on his. His hair cut unevenly at points. But his Chris is still here, still fighting. He reaches out, taking his jaw into his hand. Being careful not to damage him further, he places a kiss to his lips. Chris returns it. Pushing back. The sensation comforting both of them. Chris breaks it apart.

'That's still not bad.' Chris points out.

'It's never bad if you're here.'

A few seconds of silence. They look at each other.

It's when Chris looks at Pj. Without having someone with him, that he realizes what he did.

'I feel like I have too much to say, so none of it's coming out.'

Pj nods. 'How about we start with a question. Are you okay? Do you need anything?'

Chris rubs his face with his hand.

'I've been better.'

'That's not an answer.'

'No.' Chris says.

'Explain.' Pj demands.

Chris looks at him for a second, knowing that he needs to know. He sighs.

'I killed someone Peej.'

'You had to.' Pj retorts.

'No, I didn't. I really didn't. I'm a murderer.'

'Chris, what do you mean?'

'She was going to use you all as test subjects. She'd killed people before -'

'-Then she was a murderer.'

'You don't understand. She had found a vaccine.'

Pj blinks.

'A vaccine for what?'

'You know exactly what.'

Pj pulls away from Chris slightly.

'You mean for...'

'The virus. She'd created the mutated version. She'd been killing people to try and fix the problem she'd created.'

'So she was the reason that dead people started walking?'

'Yes.'

'Chris, you're not exactly explaining why you feel so guilty. If she created it, then she killed millions.'

'She'd found a vaccine.'

'You said that.'

'She could have stopped anyone else from ever dying and walking.'

Pj's eyes go wide. The possibility dumbfounds him. He thinks it through, forcing realism onto himself.

'It would most likely be useless now and you know it. Right?'

Tears threaten to spill out of Chris's eyes.

'Pj, she said to find the permanent vaccine. The answer to maybe saving the world. She'd have to kill one more person.' Chris lets out a shaky breath. Pj still doesn't understand.

'What?'

'The new virus was created by a manipulated strand of the original virus. To create a vaccine, she'd have to find someone with immunity to the original virus. Natural immunity.' Pj gasps, finally comprehending. 'She'd have to kill you Peej.'

'But...But...'

Tears spill over. Running down Chris's cheeks.

'And I couldn't let her. Not you. Never you. If it'd been me, she could have killed me. But not you-'

'-Chris-'

'-It wouldn't have worked. The world is too broken to be saved now. It's too late. She said that she had to have your stem cells to be able to create it. Then she threatened to let all the cells fill with gas, kill everyone. If I wouldn't let her have you. I called her bluff, she had nothing to hold against me. I ordered her to open the cells. I was going to let everyone else decide what happened to her. But when we got to the computer...'

'She ran off didn't she? Tried to escape.'

'Yeah. I could have shot her in the leg, anywhere. But I shot to kill. I don't think I even thought about it. If she got out, she was a threat. A threat to you.'

Pj still can't comprehend what he's hearing. He's not sure whether he should be angry or not. Chris made this decision for him. But he wasn't exactly there to help. Chris picked him over a dream of saving the world. They might have been able to save everyone. But the damage is irreparable. Humanity existed to collapse in on itself. Pj asks a question in his state of shock.

'Then how did you end up with a bullet in you?'

'She was bleeding everywhere Peej. I threw the gun down. Did some dramatic throwing up. She picked up the gun and shot me after I let Dan into the building. I thought she was already dead.' A breath. A whisper. 'I should be dead. This wouldn't have happened if I was dead.'

'-Chris-'

A sob from Chris. Silent tears are running down Pj's face.

'You'd be fine. You'd have found Dan and Phil. Gone back to the beach to try and find me. You'd have been safe. Phil might have told you about your mark. More likely he would have told Dan and the two of them would have decided to not tell you. You would have never had to feel bad because of me. I wouldn't have brought you down.'

'Chris, you can't-'

'Zoe and Joe would have got everyone out. They would have found this place. They would have been okay. They would have killed that woman because she deserved it, not because of what she knew-'

'Christopher Kendall-'

'I would have been okay. Phil should have just let me hang from that fucking light and all of this shit wouldn't have happened-'

'Stop, please. Please stop.'

Chris looks at Pj for a second. Silencing himself and then looking straight ahead.

'I'm sorry.'

'Don't apologize.' Pj pulls Chris's head around so he's looking at him. A pushes a small kiss to his lips. To reassure himself that he's still there.

'I am sorry though.' Chris whispers.

'For what?'

Chris laughs quietly. 'A lot of things.'

'We'll get through this Chris.'

'I'm not sure I can anymore. I already tried to get out once.'

'You should have told me about that.'

Chris nods somberly. 'I know but it's just...'

'It's just what?'

'You had absolutely no idea who I was. You weren't going treat me specially because of something if you didn't know about it. You never considered that I could have done wrong. I needed that. I just wanted you to think I was strong-'

'I do think you're strong. I think you're one of the strongest people I've ever met. You had to be strong to keep going after Phil and you got separated. So you think because you tried to die, you're not strong?'

'Yes.'

Pj breathes for a moment. Silence before he speaks.

'I think you should have never felt like that. But that's not weakness. Strength is something strange, it's not how you feel at any point, it's who you are. People that tried to die and succeeded are not more weak than people that keep going. Everyone is strong if they try their best, even if they need help along the way. '

'Where are you going with this Peej?'

'But you are a strong person, because you manage to keep on going and you have kept on going to this point. You keep trying. Even if you tried to die and sometimes you wished you had, you keep going. You are strong.'

Chris smiles at him, tears on his cheeks.

'I've done so many things wrong. I couldn't even kill myself right.'

Pj blinks..

'You kept trying to be happy, to live, and that's all that matters. Keep trying. Please.'

'For you, I will.'

'And you know that most of the stuff you fucked up actually had a good results.'

Chris laughs. 'Such as?'

'Well you killed a murderer and saved fifteen lives. Including the girl you just met.'

'She wouldn't have killed them-'

'She would have killed them Chris. If she killed all those other people just because she could, she would have killed them too.'

'You don't know that.'

'You don't know that she was telling the truth either.'

'I-I-I...'

'See my point?'

'Yes.'

'You didn't fuck me up, but you did fuck me and that was always good.'

Chris laughs.

'I've been awake for minutes and you're already after sex.'

'I have priorities.' Pj giggles.

'The wrong ones.' Chris laughs at him.

The laughter dies. Pj knows what question he has to ask next.

'Why did you try to kill yourself Chris?'

'I guess...' Chris sighs. 'I just lost hope. People kept dying. Everyone was dead. I was breaking up. Phil was getting more determined. We lost another lead. We had a fight. He walked off to try and cool down. I just spent ages looking at my gun and it just struck me.'

'I thought you tried to hang yourself? And what struck you?'

'I didn't think I was even worth wasting the bullets at this point Peej.' Pj's heart breaks a little more. 'It struck me that I just didn't want to be alive anymore. I thought that you were probably dead, if you weren't. You were in this shitty world. I didn't see a point anymore. There was no way out. I just lost it. I let go. I grabbed what I needed and went. I was just done with it all.'

Pj looks down at the floor. 'Are you glad it didn't work?' He whispers.

'What sort of a question is that! Of course I am!' Chris shouts. He grabs Pj's face and forces him to look at him. 'I have reasons to live now. I went from nothing, to this. I have you. It's going to take me time to be as okay as I'd like to be. But I'm better. I can get over this. I want to live with you.' Tears start to run out of Chris's eyes again. 'I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.'

'Chris...'

Chris looks away. Tucking himself into as small of a shape as possible.

He whispers. 'I'm sorry.'

'Chris, look at me.'

He refuses.

'I'm sorry. You deserve better than me.'

'I don't deserve better. I need you. Please, Chris. I know you're trying. I'm sorry I asked that stupid question.'

'No, you were right to ask.' Chris wipes away his own tears. Trying to keep himself away from Pj. 'I'm a selfish dick. I don't deserve you. I keep on asking to be treated normally but obviously I can't handle it. Ask me a question and I cry. I'm a fucking mess.'

'You're my mess.'

'You shouldn't want me.'

'I should, you just can't see why. I think you're funny. I think you've been through so much shit and you're still kind and I find that amazing. I think you're less broken than you think you are. I think that you shouldn't need to feel sorry for needing help. I think you should talk to me more. I think we can get you through this.' Pj whispers. 'I think I love you.'

Chris looks him in the eye. Both of them with wet eyes and shaking breath.

'I think I love you too.'

Both of them smile at each other. Pj nods at him.

'We'll get through this.'

Chris repeats his words slowly. 'We'll get through this'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

No more words are spoken in that moment between them. Chris shuts his eyes, pressing their lips together. Pj angles his face upwards so they can lay down and perform the act. It tastes stale, it feels warm and wet.

Chris forgets the wrong he's done. Letting himself breath fully.

For the first time in years, Chris feels like he's home.

For the first time in years, Pj has stopped running.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris and Pj hear distant running. Getting louder and louder. As well as shouting. Chris opens his eyes.

'Dan! Hurry up!' Phil shouts with urgency.

'I'm working on it Phil!' Dan responds with a bitter sarcastic tone.

Chris rolls his eyes as Pj laughs.

Phil bursts through the door frame. Taking two steps into the room to stop running. His eyes lock with Chris's. He smiles and starts to cry. Pj gets up. Taking the few necessary steps to reach Phil and wraps his arms around him. Holding him for a second before breaking away and leading him over to Chris.

Chris sits up again. Crying out slightly when he pulls on his stitches.

Pj's face is of concern. Phil looks astounded. Dan is now panting at the door.

Chris looks around Phil and Pj. Leaning back to do so.

'You okay there Dan?'

Dan wheezes, holding the door frame.

'I feel like it was me that got shot and not you.'

Phil turns around and pulls a face at him, showing his disapproval. Chris finds himself in hysterics.

'How big is this bunker that you're so out of breath?' Chris asks. The other three turn around and frown at him.

'How did you know we were in a bunker?' Pj demands.

Chris shrugs, grimacing.

'I kinda sorta might have been able to hear you the whole of yesterday.'

'What?' Pj asks.

'Yeah, I know. We had a nice little conversation. You just didn't know.'

Pj frowns at him.

'I'm not exactly sure how I feel about that.'

Chris nods at him.

'Understandable.'

They catch each other's eye and start laughing.

Dan walks up behind Phil, putting his arm around him.

Phil's in a state of shock. Dan kisses his cheek.

'You look like you're about to have a heart attack Philly.'

Chris tilts his head to the side, analyzing Phil's face, he starts laughing.

'What?' Phil's squeaks.

'Do you remember my twenty first birthday?'

Phil's eyebrows lower in confusion.

'We went to a karaoke bar.' Phil supplies.

'You remember how Carrie, Louise, and Zoe all made me perform with them?'

'Yes?'

'Do you remember the thing I did with Carrie?'

Phil covers his face with his hand. 'I'd actually managed to repress that whole night.'

Chris chuckles.

'You're pulling the exact same facial expression now as you did then.'

Phil glares at him.

'You just woke up from a bullet wound to the chest. I thought you were as good as dead. I don't think I can look the same as I did when you did...that.'

'What did you do?' Dan asks.

Chris splutters out a laugh.

'Oh man. Not our finest hour.'

'To give us some credit, I don't think we've ever been drunker.'

'Okay, now I'm curious.' Pj adds.

'It's a long story.' Chris says.

'We have chairs.' Dan retorts.

Chris rolls his eyes.

'No loving reunions. Just a 'Great, you're not a dead.' Phil, I'm a little hurt.' Phil finally gains control of himself. He leans down, pulling in Chris for a light embrace.

'I love you Chris.'

'Love you too Philly.' They pull away. Chris winks at Pj. 'Gather around for tales of disturbing debauchery!' He gestures to the two seats next to him.

Dan and Phil take a seat each. Pj sits on the bed. Tucking himself into Chris's side. Looking over at him expectantly.

'Get on with it then.' Dan orders. Chris glares at him.

'I'm honestly not sure where to start.'

'You know about my hard drive right?' Phil asks. Chris nods.

'He mentioned it.' He replies, pointing a thumb at Pj.

'I actually have a video of the earlier bit of this. I definitely got you and Zoe. Then I got tipsy and it all went downhill, for every one'

'Wait, did Phil do something embarrassing too?'

Chris starts laughing uncontrollably. Phil going pink.

'Phil nearly got arrested.'

'What?' Dan exclaims.

'Indecent exposure.' Phil mumbles.

Chris starts giggling.

'He stripped in front of a hot male police officer, told him he'd been a bad boy and asked to be punished.'

Pj looks scandalized. Dan has started crying with laughter. Phil looks at the floor.

'To my defense, the police officer found it funny. It was his dad that didn't appreciate it.' Pj lets out a small laugh.

'The father who was also a police officer. A senior one.' Chris explains.

'Chris got me out.'

'How?' Pj asks, confused.

'He set off a fire alarm and told me to 'Fucking peg it.' Peej.'

'Worth mentioning that Phil was in his burger pants.'

'They said 'Nice Buns' on. Zoe bought them for me.'

'My birthday is also in October.'

'So all of this happened, when it was freezing outside?' Dan probles, through his tears.

'Yup. A group of women thought we were prostitutes. I nearly made thirty quid.' Chris smiles at the end of his statement.

'I had to stop him.' Phil says.

'I don't think I would have actually done it.'

'Chris, you probably would have done it for free.'

Pj feels like this is the place to interrupt.

'What did you do at the karaoke bar?'

'Oh, he made out with a friend on stage.' Phil answers.

'I was in character.' Chris explains.

'He also did this whilst 'Toxic' by Britney Spears was playing.'

'I did a great job singing that.'

'I thought you and Zoe were actually good.'

'I enjoyed myself.'

Phil turns to the other two. 'Chris did some musical theater. He taught some dance moves to Zoe. They were great.' He turns back to look at Chris. Reaching out and taking his hand. Chris clutches it in response. Even if he can't feel everything in that arm.

'You and Louise were hilarious.' Chris responds.

'Everyone found the two of us funniest.' Phil retorts.

'Phil, we literally went on stage as drunk as possible. We sang and danced to the ending song of 'Dirty Dancing.' You cried a bit.'

'So on this night, you got drunk off your tits. Nearly got arrested and nearly became prostitutes?' Dan sums. Phil and Chris nod at each other.

'Oh, and two of our straight friends slept together.'

'Jack and Dean stole a cat.'

'Tom got banned from two clubs.'

'Bertie ended up in a orgy.'

'Carrie met her soulmate.'

'The same girl you made out with?' Pj asks, dumbfounded.

'They met because we made out.'

'Hank walked into a drug deal.'

'Did he buy anything?' Dan inquires.

'No, he was just so hyped that he explained the intricate workings of cannabis to three dealers and nearly got stabbed.'

'I ended up stripping for Zoe and Louise, to Nelly's 'Hot in Here.' Phil danced to 'My Humps' but he'd ran out of clothes to wear by this point.'

'Louise made us pancakes.' Phil adds.

‘We went skinny dipping with twenty rubber ducks.’ Chris says.

‘We found Tom in a Batman costume and we never found out what happened to him.’

'Didn't we actually debate who would survive a zombie apocalypse?' Chris asks.

'Yes, actually.' Phil frowns.

'That's meta.' Chris states.

'Huh?'

'Nothing.'

'Are you two done?' Dan asks.

Phil and Chris laugh.

'I think so.' Phil answers. Taking one of Dan's hands in his free one.

'I doubt it.' Chris smirks, looking down at Pj who snorts at him.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The room is silent for a second. All of them taking it in. The silence isn't uncomfortable. All of them appreciating being together again. Chris shuts his eyes. The effects of the medicine kicking in. He's drowsy.

'Dan?' Chris asks, blinking his eyes open for a second.

Dan was looking at Phil. He redirects his gaze.

'Yeah?' He quietly responds.

'We both made it.' Chris states. Closing his eyes after. His surprise clearly shown despite his state.

Dan frowns.

'I guess we did.'

'Was it just me that thought at least one of us was going to die?' Chris utters.

'I thought it was going to be me. Then you got shot.' Dan admits.

'Sorry for ruining your plans.' Chris jokes.

'I think I can forgive you.' Dan chuckles out the words.

'It's appreciated.' The two smile. Phil in awe of the interaction. 'Also Dan, you remember what I said?'

Dan somberly replies. 'You said a lot of things Chris.'

'About you being Phil's soulmate.' Chris supplies. His fatigue blatantly obvious.

'I think I know what you mean.' Dan responds.

'I really did mean it.' Chris reassures. Dan smiles. Looking up at Pj.

'I'm glad you were Pj's by the way. You're perfect for each other.'

'I'm perfect full stop, thank you very much.' Chris whispers in response. The other three laugh. Phil squeezes his hand.

'It's alright to go to sleep Chris.' Phil says.

'I don't want to.' Chris protests.

'It's okay Chris. We'll be right here when you wake up next.' Pj adds.

'Promise?

'Promise.' Dan repeats.

'You know I love you all. Right?' Chris asks.

Pj and Phil look at each other and smile.

'Even me?' Dan interjects.

'Especially you.' Chris smiles.

'Aw, Chris.'

'Don't let it go to your head.'

'You're making it sound like the whole world doesn't revolve around me and to be frank, it's insulting.' Dan responds, amusement layered in his voice. Chris chuckles. He pulls a pained face when he pulls on a stitch.

'The whole universe actually revolves around me, I think we were destined to be mates.' Chris says.

'Destiny mates.' Dan supplies.

'Better than soulmates.' Chris adds. Pj and Phil make false noises of disapproval.

'Meanie.' Phil pouts.

'Oh shut up, I love you both too.' They both laugh.

'That's better.' Phil says loudly. Smiling at Dan whilst he says it.

Pj moves his body until he's laying next to Chris. He presses a kiss against his lips.

'I love you especially.' The other three laugh. 'Don't tell Dan. I hear he has jealousy issues-'

'-I'm getting better with that.' Dan interrupts.

'Chris, you need to sleep. We love you. We'll be here when you wake up. We're safe-'

'I don't want to sleep.' Chris interrupts.

'Why not?' Pj questions.

'In case I get nightmares.'

'You told me you don't remember your dreams.'

'I remember these ones.' Chris opens his tired eyes, looking into Pj's ones. 'She's in all of them.'

The room is silent. Dan stops it.

'She isn't real Chris.' Dan states.

'She was.' Chris responds. His words heavy.

'Chris, you had to do it.' Phil factually says.

'No, I-'

'Yes, you did. Even if you don't think you had to. She had a prison full of innocents. She tortured one. He's never going to forget it. She threatened a child. You could have done a thousand things different, but she was always going to die.'

'You don't understand the implications of it Phil.'

'What? What could she have possibly done? The world is dead. We're alive. We wouldn't be if you'd let her live.' Phil breaths for a second. 'She tried to kill you, she might have succeeded if you hadn't shot first.'

'Phil's got a point Chris.' Pj adds. 'I know what she could have done. I know what you think you've done. But you haven't done that. You put down a serial killer. They used to give people medals for that.'

'They used to do a lot of things.' Chris points out. Dan laughs.

'Do you remember some of the weird shit that used to happen?' Dan asks.

'Stand up comedy.' Chris responds.

'Ice cream vans.' Phil adds.

'Social media.' Dan mentions.

'Air travel.' Pj contributes. 'And hulu dancing.'

'It was a weird world wasn't it?' Phil points out.

'It was beautiful for it's weirdness.' Dan answers. Holding Phil's hand tighter,

'It still is beautiful for it's weirdness.' Chris states.

'How so?' Pj asks. Chris looks into his eyes.

'All the terrible things we've all seen. Terrible things we've had to do.And we're all still here. We're all here because we love each other. Love lasted somehow. I don't know how. But when I was close to death, I wasn't thinking about all the terrible things.' He turns his head to look at Phil. 'I was thinking about the Sunday's we had growing up, how hard we used to laugh. My family.' He looks at Dan. 'I was thinking about how you'd fought with me. By my side.' He turns to Pj. 'I was thinking about you. Your laugh. Your eyes. The beach. The nights. All of you.' He lets out a small laugh which Pj returns.

Phil watches with tears in his eyes. Dan's grip becoming even firmer.

Suddenly, he can see them all managing to live down here. He can see them growing old together.

His optimism comes back.

Chris's eyes close again. Murmured declarations fading into nothing as he fades into sleep.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It took Chris a week to be able to walk again. One and a half to run. Two and a half to have sex in his own bed. A month to be able to do daily border patrol without getting out of breath and pulling a stitch. It took six months for his shoulder to feel 'Normal' again.

He's lost some feeling in his right hand.

He supposes it could be his left hand, which would have been worse. But there are certain things he can't do without full control of both.

He counts his blessings. He's still alive.

If the bullet had been a few centimeters to the left. He would have been gone. And he would have died having missed out on so much.

He would have never absolved his guilt. His guilt over his attempted suicide. His guilt over the murder he committed. He would have died thinking he was a monster. And he doesn't think he's a bad monster, not anymore.

He would have left Phil broken. He wouldn't have laughed with his platonic soulmate again. Never have whispered inappropriate words in French to him. He would have never found out, during a conversation about Pj's butt, that Hannah can also speak French. She had been listening into their conversation. She couldn't contain her laughter during this one. Chris would have never seen Phil's awe of the stars. His kind smile.

He would have never got to see Phil's face light up when the video of how they met began to play. He wouldn't have seen everyone else’s suppressed smiles. Their laughter when Phil banged their heads together by accident. He'd have never heard Dan shout the word 'Feelings' at that volume when the infant Phil started to comfort baby Chris. Barely even capable of speaking English at the time. Rocking him backwards and forwards and shushing him.

He'd have never seen the laughter at later clips.

He would have never seen Phil's repressed tears when a clip featuring his brother came on. Both of them being lead by the hand out of a building by him in the clip. Calling them both by their shortened names .

‘Come on Chris, Phil wants to get ice lollies.’

Chris would have never been able to take Phil's hand and comfort him.

He'd have been one of the reasons that Phil was crying. Phil would have been watching a clip of his two brothers, both of whom would have been gone.

Chris would have never got to know Dan. Regard him as a friend.

Chris would have never got reunite with Zoe and Louise. Hold them both in his arms and see their smiles again. He couldn’t have watched Pj tell her daughter stories from his own head. About the moon and the stars and those infamous monsters.

He'd have never told Pj he loved him. Never been able to show him that love.

He wouldn't have come to love every single person he lives with for their own little perks and flaws.

He would never have come to love his family of perfectly good monsters.

'You okay Chris?'

'Yeah'

Pj squints at him. Light from outside playing on his skin. It's late Spring now.

'You sure?'

Chris smiles. It spreads to his eyes. Noise from outside the bunker spreads to his ears. Good noise, laughter.

'You know it's nearly been a year since we met?'

Pj frowns.

'Fuck, you're right.'

'It feels like longer than that.'

'Why?'

'Because everything's changed.'

'Like what?'

'Like I'm okay. I'm actually amazingly okay. And I've got a family. And I've got Phil. And I've got you now.' Chris lists. ‘And I’m just really lucky to have all that.’

'Chris, you're going to make me cry.'

'I always do.' Chris proudly declares. Pj smiles at him.

'Because you're so awful?' He teases.

'I'm hurt.' Chris jokes in response.

Pj rolls his eyes. He takes a step forward, kissing him once on the lips.

'Better?' He asks.

'Of course.' Chris grins. Pj rolls his eyes again.

'I love you.'

'I love you too.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think and/or feel in the comments. If you have any constructive criticism, it's welcome. Anything you'd wished I'd tagged, please tell me so I can tag it. Thank you for reading xx


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